Is it normal to doubt when people say "beauty's only skin deep"?

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8 Comments

My roommate's best friend is a freshman, but she hangs out with us a lot because she graduated from my roommate's high school. She's a chubby girl, and even though I think she dresses nicely and is really friendly, I notice everyone--the jocks, the poly sci kids (who tend to try to at least on the surface befriend everyone), the nerds, and even the artsy or grunge/goths--everyone tends to avoid her. I took her to a party at another school in Boston last weekend and I swear not one person I introduced her to even looked at her. It was awkward because people would literally stand there talking to me and pretend she wasn't there.

When I told some of my friends I was disappointed about what had been happening to this girl, without telling them THEY'd done the same thing, every single person, boys and girls, told me some variation of the same damn line that it's what's on the inside that counts as far as human value is concerned.

Bullshit! If that were true, they wouldn't have treated this girl like she was a fly at an outdoor picnic. A couple years ago when I was in high school I heard some kids say that looks are super important in being liked. I was one of those shallow people who told those kids they just had to try harder, or change their attitudes. But now I'm in college and we're all "adults," I'm seeing that what the kids told me was true. It seems to me character and intelligence and humor are only important--especially if a girl is meeting a guy (or a guy a girl--or whatever)--if someone is attractive enough to those she's meeting.

Does anyone else feel this way from what she/he has seen? is it normal to think people are lying when they say things like "beauty's really on the inside"?

Voting Results
88% Normal
Based on 34 votes (30 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    I heard some stats recently showing that not only more attractive people but also taller people are more successful at job interviews and earn more money over a lifetime than other people.

    It sounds as if you mix with some very superficial people

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    • AB1234
      8 years ago

      Yeah, I've read articles about some of those studies. There are even studies showing that young children judge their teachers' competence based on what the teachers look like. Scary.

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        So where did the kids learn that? Babies don't care about looks or skin colour and so on, so they must be taught this as well

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  • Soapy_Testicles
    8 years ago

    Humans are vision oriented creatures. Unfortunately, that's the truth. If someone's personality doesn't mesh with how others perceive they should be, well it tends to confuse people.

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  • RamennoodleMaster
    8 years ago

    Wow that sucks! well, the best thing you can do is support your friend since she seems like a pretty decent person. Im not saying drop the friends who don't treat her the way you think they should treat her, but stay with the girl be a good friend to her.

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  • An+on
    7 years ago

    The young look at looks too much
    Do you look at uglier boys? It's normal, though unfortunate. Reality.

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    • AB1234
      7 years ago

      Since my senior year in HS I've had a policy NOT to date "hot" guys. I used to a lot, and discovered that many very attractive people feel entitled to being treated particularly well, yet don't feel much responsibility to return that kind of treatment to others. I don't like dating conceited, entitled people.

      What's humbling is to find out that a lot of guys our culture would characterize as, um, a bit less than average can hyper-compensate for their perceived inadequacies by becoming ruthless and self-absorbed. But absolutely, I do look at "uglier" boys, in hopes they'll be far less superficial.

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  • AB1234
    7 years ago

    I'm not sure about that, Ellenna. From what I recall of the studies, these were toddlers before they'd been indoctrinated into a culturally imposed aesthetic bias. Just as importantly, the studies are corroborated by others in social psychology and cognitive neuroscience that argue convincingly that humans do in fact have a baseline bias regarding "attractive" that transcends particular culture.

    But I agree with you that much of the way we think about how others look is imposed on us by media giants, peers... I don't think I hang with particularly superficial people. I think our culture (West, where we're always online or looking in magazines at images of the way people are "supposed" to look...) is particularly superficial, and my generation that grew up online is unfortunately especially influenced by these external cues.

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