Is it normal to dislike being chased?

83% Normal
18 Comments

Is it normal to dislike being chased? When I say chased I mean people attempting to pursue a relationship. I usually try to play it off or put people off.

Though I guess this behaviour makes everyone more interested. People always thinks im interested or flirting and I am just being polite. I try not to rudely say "Fuck off" since I have more manners. Though the direct course usually does not always work either. So I made a habit of just changing the subject, ignoring the infatuation exist, or some manner of weaseling out of it.

I dont mind pursuing someone but I don't like when people want me. It just makes me feel bad about having to act horrible to them when they cant take a hint. Am I an awful person?

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 23 votes (19 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Your 'hints' might be the source of your issue.

    Being honest and direct can be done with tact, and in such a way that politeness won't be mistaken for flirtation. Saying "fuck off" is direct but it's overkill, and your sense of morality has kept you from using it like a weapon. You are not an awful person.

    Tell them you are not interested----don't beat around the bush. Although, try to do it with some sensitivity since rejection isn't a fun experience for anyone.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      And, yeah, it's normal to dislike being pursued by those you're not interested in.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      The direct approach doesn't work when they try to rationalize and think of reasons why you should accept being with them.

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      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        Be more direct then. Of course they are going to try to rationalize why you should give them a chance. Let them. But maintain your expectations and be clear about it.

        Some of the tactics you mentioned, ignoring or changing the subject, are not cool nor effective. It's passive aggressive and only leaves the person on the receiving end with more questions and doubts. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it magically go away, it only postpones it.

        Like a lot of people, I have been in the position of wanting someone who doesn't feel the same way. I've also had the unfortunate experience of feeling that way towards someone who handled it quite poorly (blow-ups, waffling, ignoring, etc.). I can assure you, it sucks. It was also confusing. A simple "I'm sorry, I'll never feel the same" would have been sufficient enough to deter me.

        Oh, and I've even been in a situation where someone assumed that, because I had feelings for them in the past, my cordial attempts at friendship were romantic advances. They mistook my compassionate nature for interest. It was a bit insulting. It also made them seem rather full of themselves. Still, I stayed true to myself and continued being more kind to them than what they deserved.

        Be firm with them but also be kind. Reject them clearly, without flattery or insult. :)

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          Read my other comment. I already said that. I straight up said "I don't like you I am sorry" and listed all the reasons we shouldn't date. It doesn't work.

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          • [Old Memory]
            10 years ago

            In your post, you made it seem as though it's a recurring problem... In that case, the common denominator is you. Because most people really do get the 'hint' when a person says to them, "I don't like you."

            But, if this is just one person or if you've had a past relationship with them, then it's different. If it's some obsessed stalker, with whom you've never had a relationship with beyond friendship, be aggressively direct when they make unwanted advances on you. You don't have to subject yourself to their crazy shit.

            If it's someone you've been in a relationship with, then they deserve more care. Still, do everything you can to make sure there's never any confusion about how you feel. For example, if you tell them the reasons why you think they're a wonderful person and how your past relationship with them was amazing, then follow that with the bad news that you'll never like them; it can be a mixed message. If you haven't sent any mixed messages and you feel the need to have some space/time away from them (which is perfectly okay), tell them that's what you need; don't just simply ignore them and hope they get the message---that's so high school.

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          • iEatZombies_
            10 years ago

            Then you need to detach from your friendship a little. Hang out less, blow her off, etc until she gets bored and moves on. Honestly I wouldn't worry about ruining your friendship, she's already doing that.

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  • Fall_leaves
    10 years ago

    Just say fuck off, no point in sugar coating it. Don't give them a reason, and flip them the bird. Get creative and practice flipping people off.

    If I don't want a guy to talk to me, I just use the good ole "I have a dick" line. And then I just stare at him for a couple minutes with a completely straight face. It works every time. Creepy professors that want a little summin summin, old dudes at the bar, guy staring at my ass in line at the library, awkward elevator rides with strange men, sitting on couch with drunk dude that thinks my lap is his pillow, lab partners, guy working the pharmacy, it's fail proof

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thanks this made me laugh.

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      • Fall_leaves
        10 years ago

        Welcome, I pursued someone that wasnt interested in being in a relationship. He acted like a dick to me and that just made me want him more? I don't think the asshole approach works if you're already close to this person.

        Like if you've had a relationship with this person or there's been past experiences that would suggest you're more than friends.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          Than how do you stop it?

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          • Fall_leaves
            10 years ago

            Eh, we just hungout like friends again, he stopped being an ass and we put it in the past. Just do normal things together? Talk

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  • bananapie
    10 years ago

    Saying "It's never gonna happen!" and a lot of people think you are just playing hard to get.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I straight up said "I don't like you I am sorry" and listed all the reasons we shouldn't date. It doesn't work.

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      • bananapie
        10 years ago

        Some people just don't get it :/

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          Than how do I handle this? Aside from shoving them off a cliff I cant think of a good way to deal with it.

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  • TheCynicalDouche
    10 years ago

    If someone is too stupid to realize you don't want them, through your actions, demeanor, etc.... then they are desperate, retarded, or both. Obviously if someone keeps pursuing you even though you are clearly not interested, you will have to say something. Quit being a little bitch. Say "no". Also, I can tell you are a woman... because women are self-absorbed and useless, and think everything has something to do with them. Trust me, nobody wants you, get over yourself.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      If someone said straight up "I like you and have a crush on you" I think that is pretty clear. Sorry if I am misinterpreting this. Please do tell me what else you believe that means?

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