Is it normal to constantly feel unlovable?

Moonlighting, I can understand your plight. I am a man who has had similar problems. In my relationships, I always have strong feelings that never seem to be quite reciprocated. I have often been told that I am too nice, which always seems ridiculous. Why would I be cruel to someone I care for? Judging from your post, it seems to me your biggest problem is self confidence! Men and women alike are attracted to confidence. I know that it can be difficult to find confidence, when you have believed for years that you are worthless and unlovable, but you have to realize that it is an image you have constructed for yourself. If you are feeling sad all the time, it can also be a turn off. Find a hobby or distraction that brings you joy, and don't be so reliant on needing someone else to be happy. If you can believe in yourself, you will begin to turn heads! While I don't think you should start looking for "uglies", I do feel that we should all place a little less importance on looks. Physical beauty is fleeting! Look for someone who has similar interests, and who you have easy conversations with. And always remember (and believe) that you are a hell of a catch and those who have rejected you in the past missed out. Maybe it's not that you are unlovable, but that you have not yet met someone who deserves you

advice so far above is great. Maybe you could get involved in activities for eg hiking, volunteering, photography..some classes or meetings to attend with a group of others. Not for the sole purpose of meeting someone but to be absorbed in something and the spinoff could be thaT you meet a man from a different circle with an interest you have in common. good luck

It is not normal and usually comes from childhood abuse or neglect..the feelings are always there but you are not fully aware of them until you like some one..even so-called normal people fear rejection...but people who truly were rejected by their primary care takers not only fear rejection but expect it..and this then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy...therapy with a good therapist helps ...

try to be with someone that his appearance is not that HOT.

None of the replies answers my question. The point is not how do i meet a guy, the point is, how do I get a guy to like me, to really WANT me? I know how to meet guys and i also know how to not come across as desperate or even right out act desperate. I dont stalk men, I dont message them...I dont do such things that would comer across as desperate. And i dont understand..let things happen? Let what happen? Being ignored? Look I am not only going after hot men and dismiss the unattractive ones, but I do have a standard in terms of what I expect of a man intellectually and personality wise and i dont think I should compromise that (not like any of them do....DUH).

do you give off a "desperate" vibe? im not being mean, its just a question.
my sister is very much like you, she has never had any luck with guys. at school she just went out with druggies and when she finally found a guy she thought was right, he ended up physically abusing her and cheated on her. she isnt the sharpest tool in the shed though and she is judgmental when it comes to guys. she only likes to go out with guys who she finds attractive.
i tried to help her find a guy, we both looked on dating sites and some of the guys on there i thought were really nice (just going by their profile) but they werent the best looking fellas. they werent fat but just had a face only a mother could love. she even was against guys who had a little less hair on their head.
she is now in her 40s and going out with a guy who controls her and makes her second best to everything in his life. they have been together for 5 years on and off. she keeps breaking up with him but he begs her to take him back and she falls for his crap.
so my advice to you is, give the "ugly" guys a chance. not the criminals of course but you might find love in the most unexpected places.

I am 36 with the same kinda problem not ugly very to much loyal I call it very overly loving in a relationship and always getting cheated on lied to hurt but never really honestly 100 percent loved by anyone it hasn't happened in 36 years it never will real love doesnt exist anymore at least not for men thats the way I look at it so don't waist ur time or energy and become like me finding out the hard way feeling so low I've thought of suicide once or twice dont be like me at the end of the day stop dragging yourself through the mud before its t0 late like me sorry its the harsh reality of life love doesnt And never will ever exist sorry it's a old myth a legend from long long time ago maybe I doubt even that much sorry to break the bad news to you it's the truth though sorry

When I read your message, it could have been me. I read all the answers and was interested to see what they all said. They were all trying to be helpful, but no one there has really gone through the same thing by the sound of it.

Now you are 33, I am turning 39. You do not want to be me and still working on your problem in 6 years time. Things just get more painful because I've dealt with watching everyone I know meet and marry and have babies. Including my older and younger brothers. I am a strong and independent woman and because I've never met someone I feel I want I've been quite happy to go it alone. But I would love to be in a loving relationship with a man and have children if I still can. I'm currently dating someone who I dont find very attractive, but he is kind, intelligent, and successful, and most of all he really likes me. I will see how this goes. I feel quite afraid, but I have to break my patterns.

The only way to deal with your situation is to look within yourself. You can do this with the help of a friend or a therapist. Exploring why you have put yourself in this situation... what the actions you have taken that have led you to this point. What do you need from a relationship? What do your previous relationships give you? Did they give you good feelings? Pain? Where are the patterns? What do you think you need to learn? Really question yourself and the motivations for your actions in regards to men. Look for patterns because when you find patterns you can break the repetitive cycles. There are lessons to be learnt about yourself and if you dont learn them you will constantly repeat them. You may have had great pain somewhere in your life and subconsciously you are trying to fix that pain in the relationships you create... only to repeat the pain again and again and again.

I think if you are really brave and look for patterns of behaviour you are stuck in, you can work out a way to break the patterns.

The older you get the less easy it is to meet men, as unfortunately they get married and they like younger women. So time to make big changes. I wish I was 33 again. Maybe dramatically change your perspective and date someone you are not physically attracted to. Take time and get to know them. Look at the person inside not all the "fat". Don't compare yourself to others. Don't worry about what other people think. It's your life not theirs. Others are not you.

@ elijah: yeah right.

I love You and I mean it

To meet a guy...
You could join a club or group
take extra classes
go on a dating site
ask your friends if they know of a single guy and go on a blind date
go to a bar
dont just date 'hot' guys most hot guys in my experience are jerks ... i did say most not all. and try to find someone on a personality level.
maybe try out a new wardrobe... I'm not sure what yours looks like and I'm not saying its bad but a new look, clothing, hair, makeup might make you feel like a new gal and thus boost your confidence.
I hope these help even a bit. :)

That was me a few years ago. I was in an abusive relationship and when I finally got out of it, I felt worthless. That's the way he made me feel. I felt so lonely and unloveable until I met my fiance. Just hang in there, it will get better. There's someone for everyone I've always been told. Have you tried dating sites? You can put yourself out there and they will come to you. It sounds like you're just not confident with yourself and dating sites definitely give you a boost of confidence. :-)

You just need to stop thinking about it and let things happen. Im sure theres bound to be someone out there who finds you attractive.