Is it normal to commit adultery if your wife is disabled ,no sex drive

29 Comments

My wife of 26 years became disabled in 1992 losing her sex drive and going through menopause all at the same time. I'm still healthy and love her but miss sex with her. It has caused me to be in deep depression She is not well but I need some relief. Is it normal to decide to find relief by committing adultery.

yes 22
no 18
I've done it too 3
seek a prostitute once a month 9
Jack off instead 35
find a married woman in like situation 12
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Comments ( 29 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago | pl

    If you feel like it isn't right in your gut then you probably should not do it. If you did seek an outside mistress or lady of the night I guarantee that you would feel really guilty about it, and you would end up feeling worse than you did before.

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    • fbomb
      9 years ago

      I was feeling guilty about it at first in 1992, but stayed true until recently. She refuses to do anything to do with sex . I got married with the expectations of the sexual relationship would continue, I am 53 so should I just divorce her? I still love her. Just not able to continue with a sex life of myself and some pornagrahic materials as a substitute for the real thing. PS I did wear a condom.

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        Was it someone you knew or a lady of the night?

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        • fbomb
          9 years ago

          No I'm not going to risk telling that. She knows of my situation and where my commitments are. She will keep our private time together private as will I.

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  • TheOneWhoComesFromEnordro
    9 years ago

    I really dislike people like you. Cheaters don't deserve love and I believe that she deserves a man that won't take his romance with her lightly like you have. I hope she won't find out and the course of your betrayal won't hurt her anymore than she already has been.

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    • fbomb
      9 years ago

      Most common type of response from someone who has never had to walk a mile in their shoes. I'm glad you have had a blessed life. Go in peace this is what I expected from our society.

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      • dom180
        9 years ago

        No-one has to walk a mile in your shoes to see that your attitude to morality is not characteristic of a mature adult. You can't have your cake and eat it. Life means hard decisions, and refusing to face up to this decision is childish and hurtful to people you claim to love.

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  • dom180
    9 years ago

    Masturbation should give you all the relief you need. If you want more, the price is divorcing her because deception isn't okay.

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    • fbomb
      9 years ago

      Got it.

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  • VirgilManly
    9 years ago

    Is your wife okay with you seeking outside relief?

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    • fbomb
      9 years ago

      No, said she would divorce me , but also said don't let me catch you cheating on me. I'm not sure how it is cheating If I ask for sex and she continually refuses to relieve my pent up sexual energy.

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      • VirgilManly
        9 years ago

        Being disabled is no excuse for being an uncaring bitch. It's pretty unrealistic of her to expect that your sex drive disappeared along with hers. Check with a lawyer but it seems like you can divorce her on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. Don't get caught cheating or you can get taken to the cleaners in divorce court.

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        • fbomb
          9 years ago

          Thanks for your support. I live in a small town so I don't do anything local. I'm just so relived to have an intimate interaction with another live human beings. Masterbaition is a lonely way of coping and have done it for 22 of 26 years of my marriage to her. I don't hate my wife and don't want to cause her anymore pain she has had a bad thing happen to her and I just dont want to add any more heart brake to her situation.

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      • fbomb
        9 years ago

        BTW I've made plans with my other woman for next week. Had a great time with her and wore her out. I'm sure that she was satisfied, after 2 hours I still don't get to cumpletion. Misspelled on purpose for the spelling police.

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  • handsignals
    9 years ago

    If this is a troll post then you are a sicker fuck than me.

    If it's real: you need to consider both your feelings and your partners feelings, you should not feel guilty about your need for intimacy, but you need to know that if you try to keep it a secret from your partner, your change in routine and mood will be enough for her to feel like she's being cheated on.

    There are counselling services available to deal with your situation, you should search the net, and make some phone calls.

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    • teltrum
      9 years ago

      I don't think you should judge people on whether they are a "sick fuck" or not based upon something you aren't aware of.

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      • handsignals
        9 years ago

        There's a lot troll post's on this site and I know people who have been in this situation.

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    • fbomb
      9 years ago

      I'm open to all reasonable courses of action. If you know a website for men in my situation I would appreciate it.

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  • Mrar
    8 years ago

    Try talking to your wife about having your sexual needs met elsewhere. Lots of people are polyamorous.

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  • Gspyder
    9 years ago

    She's being selfish. Her refusing to provide for your needs is like you quitting your job just because you're not in the mood in my opinion.

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  • dickwashington
    9 years ago

    i would like to know what her point of view is before i could properly advise you on this situation

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    • fbomb
      9 years ago

      She wants me to be true to her, I posted a creigslist ad looking for someone who is in a similar circumstance . I never was contacted by a real person who wanted to meet with me. But as I stated earlier in the post I live in a small town. However someone else in town recognized that the ad was mine and forwarded it to her. I have openly told her how I felt. I am trying to make it work but honestly it takes two to make it happen.
      No one looks for divorce as a first option. She needs someone to help her with everyday chores, and her health is deteriorating I can't bring myself to cause any more grief. She expects I should realize we are to old to need sex. That's just for the young people. Problem is I'm not " old " my great-grandfather lived to 99 , his sister 102 . My grandmother is now 96 so I have an excellent chance of living another 53 years. I'm not happy to see all my friends doing active lives while I sit here at home with someone who has given up on life. I'm torn as you can see. Unhappily yet still trying to uphold the vows I made over 26 years ago.

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      • dickwashington
        9 years ago

        thats a tough one honestly i dont know what i would do in a situation like that honestly id probably seek out a prosttitute like once a month just so you can get what you need with out having to leave the woman that you love and needs your help. what would happen to her if you left her i personally think that its the only way to keep you both happy just hide it from her

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  • CalciteQueen
    9 years ago

    Jack the fuck off.

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    • fbomb
      9 years ago

      Lack s intimacy, as much as most people assume men don't need it they do, I do.

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      • CalciteQueen
        9 years ago

        It was meant to be a half-assed pun.

        But, you can still be intimate with your wife without sex.

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  • fbomb
    9 years ago

    Thank you all for your honestly. I'm not sure how this post will affect my future choices but at one time in my life I had the exact same opinion as the most critical here. And I value any advice of how to cope with the loss of our sex lives.

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    9 years ago

    This is why I don't believe in marriage. People don't follow the vows they took when they got married. If the situation is that much of an inconvenience for you, you should just cut your losses and get divorced.

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  • fullhouse
    9 years ago

    I dont know why you are even bothered to ask. You know it's right then it's right! My gf ws kinda asexual but love was strong enough to keep us together. I'd cheat if I wanted but I didn't. I guess it's individual choice.

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