Is it normal to cheat but to be the jealous one!

Thank you for ur help gowila&mtnw, I'll put it to good use. Eva,maybenot& anyone spouting negativity-you're foolish-and VeRY lucky.
Lying here with my wife reading the comments & she said that it's easy to point those 'words of wisdom' from the safety of your computer& that 'he without sin cast the first stone.'
I live with the shame&guilt of what happened(13yrs ago!) I have cut&burned myself many times due to it. I know I need help with my thoughts, and I'll turn it around because she's worth it-and one day I will be too!

it's typical for the guilty to put their issue on others. in other words, you are the cheater, yet you fear her cheating. go figure. that's your guilt working on you. also, because you have drug issues and cheating issues, you KNOW you aren't a good catch. the woman must be a saint to have tolerated this much already.

you've already devistated her, so my advice is to be a model spouse and hope that you can build the kind of relationship you are hoping for. that means no drugs and no cheating, ever. this is a bad situation for you, but remember that you brought it all on yourself.

although my words are rather blunt, and not comforting, know that it is YOU who can fix this if anyone can.

Ollieo, Kalish88 & everyone else-Thank you, all of this free councelling was worth the time and effort. Even the ones that 'Dogged me'. That's good stuff, appreciate it a lot!

Could be you feel beneath her & that you don't deserve her. So you level the field - so to speak - by suspecting her of bad behaviour.

That probably makes you feel good - that in your mind - she has stooped to your level. But you know that it is not true, and that just makes you feel lower for thinking badly of her, on top of having behaved badly.

I'll be straight about it: you have a nasty streak. But you also have a conscience. Why don't you get some counseling on this nastiness, where it comes from & how to deal with it - think of it as a coach. Someone who can help look at the bigger picture. You are just driving yourself crazy trying to figure things on your own, or on IIN.

If she wants to cheat... She will. U can't do anything about it. Just clear it out of ur head or it will just keep eating at u until u start accusing her and it will just go downhill.

anyone who cheats is obvoiusly worried their partner is doing the same thing

Thank u Mrs.Wild. That was very insightful! I was wrong to cheat-always! But if she can put up with my shit, I'll deal with hers. We know things about our 'significant other' after years together, things noone else knows, and out of love, we choose to love that person-bullshit and all! I'll never understand why she stays with me-EVER! I truly don't deserve her, and yours don't deserve you. Be blessed Wild, I hope your life with him gets better! You deserve it.

Thank u MTNW. Yes, I have undergone therapy back in the day, and since I'm a DAV, I can/will go back soon. I'm also in NA and also take suboxone that helps me stay off narcotics that destroy my life. I have never done ANY 'deviant' sexual behavior without being on meth(stimulants) and ain't touched it in years. That shit just changes who you are, no doubt. I guess she(my wife)see's good in me somewhere-I'm a blessed man.

I put myself 'out there' so I deserve the comments. I understand what you've said Eva and i appreciate your opinion. They're like arse-holes, yours is just stinker than most. Have a great weekend!

I can't beleve what these people are saying. You don't trust her perhaps because you feel guilty. Read up about people who cheat, it might help

She is 4years older at 45-not 4years old!

You used to be a meth head? Well then sorry I'm not helping you. People like you make me sick. It's called deal with life rather than needing to get high all the time.

Pathetic.

Being high doesn't cause you to lose control of yourself and have sex with guys. Your gay. Get over it.

YES I THINK IT IS NORMAL TO CHEAT AND BE JEALOUS. AFTER ALL GUILTY DOG BARKS FIRST. DRUGS MAKE YOU PARANOID AND DO THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT OTHERWISE DO. I UNDERSTAND THAT AND WOULD NEVER PUT A PERSON DOWN WHEN THEY ARE ASKING FOR HELP. SOMETIMES COUNCELING HURTS MORE THAN HELPS. I HAVE A SPOUSE WHO ONE TOLD HIM TO CHEAT BECAUSE HE NEEDED THE STIMULAS AND THE LAST ONE TOLD HIM HE WAS CUCKHOLD. LOOK IT UP. I AM ON YOUR SIDE. I ALSO KNOW THAT SOMEONE WHO BITCHES AND NAGS AT A PERSON ALL THE TIME CAN DRIVE A PERSON TO DO CRAZY STUFF JUST TO BLOCK IT OUT. I HAVE SOMEONE ON MY ASS ALL THE TIME SO I KNOW. I HAVE LEARNED THE ONLY PERSON I HAVE CONTROL OVER IS ME. I CAN NOT CHANGE MY SPOUSE OR ENTERTAIN HIM ALL THE TIME. I CAN ONLY TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. ONCE I FIGURED THAT OUT I HAVE BEEN A MUCH HAPPIER PERSON. AND IF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING MAKES ME THAT WAY OR TRIES TO CHANGE ME THEN I CUT THEM OUT. THE ONLY PERSON WE CONTROL IS OURSELF.

u are gay, and u st deserve her cause she cud do better then u u washed up, gay, druggy

I don't know, I guess some people can live with a spouce that cheated and did lots of drugs, but I am not one of them. Meet me in person and I would tell you the same damn things I said on here. Unlike most I do not 'hide behind a computer' I will say exactly what I think to peoples faces whether they like what I have to say or not.

I had a father that was into meth and was a cheater to, so I do not have any sympathy for people like you.