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Alright; I sometimes feel deep hatrid suddenly to the people I love and I want to cause them pain...I know I shouldn't, yet I end up doing so anyway. I've lost two friends so far this way.
I don't know what causes the anger, really; the hatrid...it all seems to come out of nowhere and I follow it on instinct.
Is this normal?
I think i know exactly what you mean. I can feel this way too sometimes. I never want to harm my friends but when something bad happens to one of them in particular, I'm not necessarily broken up over it and I can get extremely jealous toward her and even begin to hate her a little, even though I love her at the same time. I still don't think it's normal at all though and that we both should work on ourselves inwardly so that we don't express a ton of hatred outwardly. It's just not healthy.
Getting enjoyment out of causing people pain is messed up. Maybe you should consider seeing a therapist and figure out where all this anger is coming from.
Honestly, sounds like you're really insecure if you've done that to 2 friends now, somewhere along the way you twist things and turn the friendship into a competetion you see. it happens to "the jealous in denial" you also probably don't like when you're friend goes out with other friends without you, you feel as though it's a treat, weird. Like I said, insecure. They say going from nobody to somebody kills you.
I belive I've had that feeling of revenge several times, but I've never put it in practice, I think we are talking about self control here.