Is it normal to blame myself

When I was a junior in high school I came out of an abusive relationship and turned to drinking and drugs. My ex boyfriend had not allowed me to drink or smoke so I was a rookie when it came to partying. Right after the new year a friend and I had a leftover case of beer so we decided to get drunk. I always took my drinking too far but i never slept around with guys. I was still heartbroken from my past relationship. Usually I passed out in a corner and one of my friends made sure I got home safely. About seven beers deep my friend Sarah got a call from this boy josh asking us to comeover to this boy Toby's house. Toby was a football star and his parent were super rich. He was in our grade and I had known him since elementary school. I wouldn't say we were friends but we always got along. I used to get the feeling he was flirting with me. Anyways we got a ride to his house. I was under the assumption there were going to be other girls there but there weren't. Toby had a pool house and when we walked in there were five guys and just me and Sarah. I thought nothing of it and eventually began to make out with Tobys cousin D. I never foundout his full name. I spent the majority of the night hanging out with D and everyone else quit drinking eventually except for me. I had my own bottle of vodka stashed in the bathroom. I barely said anything to Toby all night. Eventually around 4 am Tobys dad came to the pool house and told Toby the girls(me and Sarah) had to leave. I was too drunk by now to remember this Sarah told me later. I do remember climbing up the stais of the pool house with Sarah to hide from Toby's dad and passing out. Sarah said the boys left and went into the house. She then got a call from Toby saying him and his friend mike were coming back to the pool house. The next thing I remember for myself was waking up and feeling a weird stretching in my vagina with toby on top of me. I vaguely remember crying out a little and then just lying there. I don't know if it sounds stupid but I guess I just didn't realize what was happening I was so intoxicated. I hadn't done anything to lead Toby on either. I then remember hearing someone come up the stairs and hearing someone named mike's voice saying "ready to switch?" I felt hands trying to move me and I remember my head rolling off the corner of the couch. Mikes voice said "I can't do It she's too drunk" I guess he left after that. I laid there in my drunken daze for a couple more seconds and heard the sounds of Sarah and Toby having sex downstairs. Please keep in mind that I've replayed this in my head a thousand times and I'm describing this to you way clearer than when it happened to me. What happened after that doesn't really matter. Any blanks in my memory were later filled in by Sarah and I'm positive the guy on top of me was Toby. The only thing I'm not positive about is whether or not I was raped. My parents, my friends, and my doctor who found out about it despite my efforts to keep it a secret said I was raped. But for some reason I blame myself. I had drank too much and my life had spun out of control. I never told Toby he could have sex with me but I never told him no, and maybe if I had controlled myself I could have defended myself . I guess I just need someone who doesn't know me or Toby to give me there opinion on what happened that night and whether it was my fault, or Toby's. And if I was raped, if it's normal that I've been blaming myself this whole time.