Is it normal to believe that sexual love is fake?

45% Normal
15 Comments

I am 53 and I honestly believe that 'love' and 'romance' is nature's way of getting us to procreate and that love between a man and a woman does not usually exist. If it does it is no different to a friendship and sex has no place in it. In general, I think humping is humping and love between a man and woman of the passionate kind feels real but is ultimately an illusion. Sad, but that's what I have come to believe. Is it normal?

Voting Results
45% Normal
Based on 69 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • suckonthis9
    12 years ago

    Perhaps, and it is unfortunate that you have never experienced true love. It is the most amazing experience and once you have, you will know the difference between sex for fun and sex to strengthen a loving bond.

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    • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
      12 years ago

      i agree.

      real relationships aren't just about popping babies out or even having sex.

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    • Saycheese
      12 years ago

      Agree. I haven't had that happen yet but I still believe it exists. :)

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      • suckonthis9
        12 years ago

        Keep thinking good thoughts on this and it will happen!

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  • DolphinAngel
    12 years ago

    No love is no illusion... We got a sex drive which gets us to procreate but love is something more powerful and stands over the sex drive!

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  • PumpkinKate
    12 years ago

    I suppose it's different for everyone, but I've experienced real love, as I perceive it, a small handful of times. It's one of the most overwhelmingly intense experiences I can possibly imagine... it makes you do insane things, fogs your mind like the most powerful drug, and makes your heart hurt in both bad AND good ways. It's positively amazing, and singularly agonizing, and altogether awe inspiring. Nothing has had such an effect on me on that level.

    For example, the last time... I nearly broke my moral standards and urged for a couple to split because of it, and almost urged / supported a decision to move one's entire life to a new country because of it. The time before that, simply thinking about the person made every fiber in my body ache - on a physical level as well as emotional and mental... and I couldn't stop thinking about them. It was all-consuming.

    It might sound like a bit of a mixed bag, the way I describe it... I suppose it is, but I thoroughly enjoyed it all and wouldn't trade that feeling for ANYTHING. Period.

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    • Bubbles12
      12 years ago

      Well yes, I feel like that about someone now, but I still think it might be fake. In my experience it rarely lasts and for him, anyway, it is fueled by a desire to bond with someone he finds sexy and who he can relate to, but it will fade. As it does. That's what I mean. Seems so real. But isn't.

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      • PumpkinKate
        12 years ago

        It sounds to me like you're describing a "crush". At least, the way I would look at it. If it's about someone being "sexy" or merely easy to relate to, that fades quickly... that's just infatuation. It is still a very FUN feeling! But it ultimately pales in comparison. I like those relatively fleeting surges of intense connection, but they wouldn't cause me to proverbially "move mountains" in their sake.

        Love, or "true love" as I've experienced it... is not just the intensity of the blossoming crush, but that entire need, that same fire burning - but it's no longer fueled by something that burns hot and fast and quickly peters out. While the intensity fades from the surface, it is pervasive beneath the practical realms of routine, familiarity, repetition, and contentment. It is as if when the dry, brittle paper that ignited with such a powerful burst of flame quickly consumed itself, it revealed a dense burning coal underneath. A particular kiss or touch, a shared experience, being open with one another, particularly fantastic sex, or even just the right look - that is like the bellows blowing on this coal, and you can feel it flare up with new heat.

        As to how long it lasts? That's all up in the air. But if it stops burning, who is anyone to say it wasn't "real"? Nothing you do, even if you tried with all of your might, can ever erase what you felt in the past. Even if it was just a "crush" that intensity that you felt... it happened. Nothing is ever going to take it away, and it is henceforth carved into the history of your life. I suppose if you look at that, and think it wasn't "real" because it didn't last... well, that's just a matter of perspective. Yesterday is no longer happening today - will you deny yesterday's existence or validity?

        Everything will fade, in the end. If I met someone on vacation and we had one day together... and it felt like what we've described above, who's to say it wasn't love? If I date someone for 15 years, get married, the whole 9 yards, and one day we grow apart and they leave? Who's to say that wasn't love. Nothing is eternal, and the only thing I've found that lasts a whole lifetime is our memories. What you take from an experience is up to you.

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        • Bubbles12
          12 years ago

          You write beautifully.

          I suppose I compare sexual love with parental love, which is indestructible. It does not, ever, compare. And with parental love there is no 'crush' as we know it.

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          • PumpkinKate
            12 years ago

            Thank you for the compliment :)

            Parental and familial love is very different from romantic love. The Greeks broke love down into four categories, each with their own word, whereas we're limited to the one. Agape is "true love" or "unconditional love", Eros is passionate love (the 'crush'), Philia is friendship, affectionate love, and Storge is used to describe parental love. Perhaps look these up for more detailed descriptions, I find they're very apt for describing the feelings we have for those we care about.

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            • Bubbles12
              12 years ago

              Thanks, but it isn't due to lack of experience that I feel this way. Nor is lack of knowledge of the Greeks' philosophies. I still disagree. From experience I think sexual love is mostly biological and not to be trusted. Thanks for your input.

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  • Energy
    12 years ago

    I believe in love. I think love is strong enough to kill or save someone.

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  • nAt2017
    12 years ago

    it's normal to have that kind of belief. I partially agree-- I think that a relationship based solely off of sex can't ever work. But at the same time, sex can strengthen a bond as well as destroy it.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    I understand what you mean but love between a man and a woman is like living with your brother. Now this may be a deeper level of contentment / love but you'd have no desire to have sex.

    Was discussing this last night... do you think it's better to go into old age with sexual love or someone that is really good to you?

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    • [Old Memory]
      12 years ago

      ...someone I love doesn't matter what kind of love.. it is just love where I want this person to stay by my side ..can't explain it hmm..partner in crime? thats the kind of person I want to grow old with.. I didnt know what catagory that went to? I think everyone needs a partner in crime haha.

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