Is it normal to become angry when your friend threatens suicide?

87% Normal
4 Comments

My friend has been going through a hard time. He is a gambling addict for one and for two very lonely and missing his ex boyfriend. Well, he recently lost all his money and he's facing eviction and losing his car. Also, the guy he was starting to like cancelled their date for today, and the guy has at times seemed very blase and like he could take him or leave him. So that was apparently the final nail in the coffin for him, and he texts me that he wants to end it all (he has said this before) and he can't take this anymore and several things to allude to ending his life. I try to talk him down and be reasonable with him, but he isn't having it. He's throwing his pity party and everything I say he has a depressing rebuttal for it. So I started to get very angry, especially when he said that it was no big deal that he was going to kill himself. He said he was just done and sick of it all.

Now, my friend can be very selfish and at times I feel used by him. I at times feel like he has no regard for me or my feelings it's all about him. This is hugely evident when he was saying it was no big deal if he died. I told him it was a huge deal and I would be crushed etc etc and he didn't seem phased. He just went on and on about missing his ex and how he was about to lose everything. Nothing I said helped him.

So finally I told him how angry he was making me and I was infuriated and he wasn't allowed to talk so flippantly about killing himself like no one would care. He responded with more reasons why he was depressed and the conversation could have gone on and on from there but finally I said, "I'm going to bed. I'm sorry you're hurting. I am here if you really want some help. This conversation is pointless from what I can see it. You are hurting me and I am not helping you. If you were to die I would be crushed beyond your imagination. Clearly you are not getting that. Please get some sleep." His response was, "Thanks. Goodnight."

Ugh. I was so angry. So so angry. Is is normal to be angry when someone threatens suicide? I almost wanted to say, "Well then do it you asshole! How dare you talk like this with me?!" Was I being selfish to be so angry in his despair? I just felt like he was dumping his feelings on to me without any regard and he wasn't even trying to be receptive to my efforts to make him feel better :(

Voting Results
87% Normal
Based on 47 votes (41 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • greenline
    12 years ago

    Thank you for the comments. I texted him this morning to see how his court appointment went (to show that 1 I care and 2 I knew he wouldn't kill himself and was strong enough to face the music). He had to plead not guilty to a speeding ticket. He said he owed $150 to the court and things weren't looking well. He said, "We'll see how much life I have left." I told him I was sorry and reiterated the importance of staying strong, not looking at the big picture, taking things a step at a time, etc. He said "Ok."

    I am still angry with him, but I apologized for how I got mad at him last night. He said, "It's ok. I just want some good out of life." I honestly think this will change our friendship. He could potentially bring me down with him, and I really don't want to be dragged into his darkness. He doesn't seem to mind dragging me either. It's really heartbreaking and infuriating.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    You're absolutely right, he was dumping his feelings on you with no regard for yours. Hopefully he feels better today, but you gave a great answer and if it starts to get you down again, turn your phone off and get some sleep. You have done the best you can, and it's unlikely he will actually do it.

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  • doxies4life
    12 years ago

    Depends, if they are dead serious, be supportive and help them out. If they're nuttier than fruit cakes and threatening that to get revenge by all means.

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  • rin
    12 years ago

    Totally normal. It's hard dealing with someone who is depressed, but realize it's their depression talking. Be supportive but at the same time don't let it consume your life. Even though it seems like you're not helping him I think you are by just being there for him to talk to.

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