Is it normal to be with someone so careless?

31% Normal
16 Comments

I don't know what type of personality my bf has. Sometimes he gets so careless and heartless and even admitted that thats how he is. He's also mentioned when it comes to girls, he has closed off and prevented himself to get attached so Im guessing his carelessness comes from this "manly" attitude he thinks he needs to have in order to look unbreakable. He has lectured me on how "not caring" is better because it's less stress for you which is true. I am known for being free spirited around my family and friends so I know what he means by being careless is better. But it can get frustrating when it has to do with me and him, when he's being careless about us. I actually do care about us so thats why it hurts which proves his point. Maybe if I didn't care that much it wouldn't stress me out as much. But I do care and Im not afraid to show my vulnerability even though it has brought me to so many messy things with him. But anyways, it gets me down cause then I look back at the times he does prove he cares so I end up not knowing what to believe and how to deal with this personality. He is very to his own, closed off when he needs space, lacks 100% of communication and cooperation which leads to inconsideration for me. But he's with me and has never pointed out he wanted to break up with me so he's content with me but his behavior is just nothing Ive never dealt with.

At the end of the day though, I do love him, love is just something or that chemistry you have no control on. So my love for him is there no matter how careless and inconsiderate he is. Pple ask "why are you with someone like that?" I'm not, I didn't choose to be with him. I just happened to love him and now Im with him. I think when you find someone whos worth all the ups and downs, that's love. I may cry, think the worse, etc but it doesn't mean its over. Its just a downfall we're having. He might not be what I deserve but he is who I want. So that's also something to think about but I always go with the latter.

Voting Results
31% Normal
Based on 13 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    I'm assuming that by careless you actually mean uncaring, in which case why be with him?

    Love isn't a chemistry you can't control and what you're describing sounds more like infatuation and dependency. In any event, you can control who you are with.

    He's using you and it's sad that you believe this is all you deserve

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Well in a way, I enjoy the feeling of infatuation then. I mean I believe I do love him, I care for him, want the best for him, talk highly of him, respect him, etc. But his personality can def be up in the air and cause us some problems which even if it does cause me pain, I rather deal with all the bs with him than with anyone else.

      Using me is something up in the air. Even if he is, I dont think he knows hes using me. Everything thats good just doesn't show hes using me. But I do know I deserve better but like I said on the post, I just want him. He might not treat me like I deserve and Im starting to blame it on his personality type.

      But times where he shows he doesn't care are just disappointing. I.E. right now he hasn't talked to me in over a week. we finally exchanged words today but just once. I asked him why is he avoiding me then he said what I knew he was to reply with which was "we'll talk soon." Hes done this before, said he was stressed. So I figured this is how he deals with it; by not talking to me so he can have space. I am assuming the same thing is happening this time hes going through something and isn't ready to talk to me but at the same time, he knows ignoring me bugs. I responded telling him Im confused and lost and he didn't reply. So you see it just sucks. It's like I know he cares but part of his personality is having no compassion or feelings and its obviously causing a lot of tension.

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        How do you know he cares? If he does, he certainly seems to care in a very different way from how you care for him.

        Up to you if you want to persevere in a very unbalanced relationship for the rest of your life

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          8 years ago

          Because of all the good things and I can just sense it, plus outside of our relationship, he's a good friend, a family guy, etc. But I think that's it, he just shows it in a different way but his bad personality traits seem to consume him where he does hurt my feelings cause he's showing he a lack of interest in me.

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          • Ellenna
            8 years ago

            If you weren't in a sexual relationship with him, would you regard him as a good friend to you?

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              8 years ago

              Yeah we basically act like friends but also lovers, not including sex. Even though we have amazing sex, we dont have it as often as before. We havent done it in a while actually and we don't feel anxious or anything of that sort. Its kind of normal.

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            • Ellenna
              8 years ago

              That wasn't my question: Is he a GOOD friend to you?

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  • thegypsysailor
    8 years ago

    Wow, you've got it bad, don't you? A real bad case of looking through rose colored glasses.
    What you see as a relationship, this guy sees as friends with benefits (well sort of, except most people care for their friends.)
    But you love him? Really? I think it's a sick codependency, not love. Believe me, with a little more self respect you could do better, a lot better.

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  • yourdeepestshame12
    8 years ago

    This guy sounds like a user, and not the drug kind.

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