Is it normal to be very popular but still have no true friends?

98% Normal
12 Comments

So, this is the deal. I am a very popular guy. I know lots of people and socialize all the time with everyone. People like to hang out with me and they usually look forward to be part of my gang. Among my "friends" I am the "leader", I usually choose what we are going to do or where we are going to go. I always organize parties or other activities activities. I usually get a lot of attention from everyone and people are mostly friendly with me.

Well, the problem is that I feel that my bonds with everyone are very shallow. Everyone likes to party, play games or get drunk with me in group; but no one ever seems to care about having one on one time with me. All my other friends seem to have at least one "best friend", except me. For example, I don't feel like I can just call anyone if I ever have a problem I need to talk about. It seems like people only like to hang out with me to have fun. I have dozens of friends... but I don't trust any of them.

I have tried to get closer to people, but it always ends bad. Usually people get awkward whenever I try to talk about more intimate things. Also, whenever I hang out with just one person, I sense like the other person feels awkward because they have nothing to say. I need to be with at least 2 people for things to be comfortable.

So, what do you think people? Is this normal?

Voting Results
98% Normal
Based on 45 votes (44 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • gummy_jr
    10 years ago

    High school problems....

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  • Holzman67
    10 years ago

    Well my take on it is that people flock to you for what you provide them. I'm not sure how old you are but I found in high school the popular people were the most shallow, willing to trade and adapt their values to others for popularity. I think you are the umbrella which they all huddle under and form closer friendships between one another. It's just your social standing right now and the people you are associating with.

    Of course, someone who has only one or two friends is going to devote themselves and more of their time to those two people and form a stronger, closer bond. Your bonds to people are diluted through sheer numbers.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I am 24 now, but indeed, I have been like this since I was in middle school. I still have many friends from high school. I managed to fuse my university friends with my high school friends. And now, even people from work are getting into my group. I don't know, I just like being around people and I never ever reject anyone as a friend.

      I don't know, I just wished that people actually worried about me a little sometimes. It seems like people believe that I am always cheerful and that I have no problems.

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      • Holzman67
        10 years ago

        Youre 24 and you still spend time with your high school friends to me that indicates loyalty from both parties. Surely these friends would listen if there was something you were going through? Maybe you just need to get the timing right to have these talks. Sometimes if people are partying they will run a mile if someone strikes up a d and m!

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        • Holzman67
          10 years ago

          I should clarify - d and m means deep and meaningful conversation, in case you're not familiar with the term.

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          • Anonymous Post Author
            10 years ago

            Thanks for the clarification!

            And yeah, I know it is weird to still have high school friends... but I am from a small town and everyone kind of know each other here anyway.

            I will see... maybe I just have to get over the awkwardness and try to have more intimate conversations with my friends.

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            • Holzman67
              10 years ago

              No not weird at all I still have them too. I was only trying to point out the loyalty of that and illustrate that you may have closer friendships than you think

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  • GreyWulfen
    10 years ago

    I know many people like this. 2765 facebook friends and surrounded by people 24/7, but no "true" friends at all.

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  • q1w2e3
    10 years ago

    Try doing the opposite of what u do. Don't organize parties, let other people lead.. Etc

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  • Terence_the_viking
    10 years ago

    Thats the price of popularity.

    Thems te brakes.

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  • AbnormallyAwesome
    10 years ago

    This will sound strange and is somewhat of a primal thing. But I thought it might help:
    In every group there are group dynamics.
    People in groups take on a role and probably won't even notice. You may be the funny, the cool or even the lame guy of the group. But everyone in that group (usually including yourself) is subconsciously trying to keep you in that role to maintain stability.
    As you said yourself, you have attained the role of the leader. It's very hard to break out of a role without changing your group - And for the leader it's probably the hardest. If you show weakness, the group feels threatened as a whole. That's probably also why people get akward when you get real. Not only because they have always known you as the strong leader, but because they really want you to be that leader. They depend on you.

    Well those are basic human instincts, and I believe it's possible to overcome them. But if you are looking for a best friend you can talk with on the same level, I'd suggest you look outside of your group. Maybe find someone who doesen't know your other friends.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Normal, just needy.

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