Is it normal to be upset with disingenuous complements?

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8 Comments

I feel like society is teaching us to be more and more disingenuous to boost others up and make them feel good about themselves. When I look at videos on YouTube in the comments or shows on T.V. I will commonly see people either give complements to people who would normally be bullied or who have had a hard life. Is it just me or is it wrong to compliment someone just because you look down on them? I feel like society is really just lying to themselves by gratuitously praising people just because society would normally low down upon them.

I don't think you should go out of your way to compliment someone. Just because someone is struggling in life with something doesn't make them a good person. Is it wrong to be upset with this pity culture? It just rubs me the wrong way that the socially correct thing a lot of the time is to lie.
P.S. I'm not advocating people to out out of your way to insult others.

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 12 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • DuHast
    7 years ago

    It depends. I agree that sometimes compliments can be condescending and patronising, and you can tell that the person giving them doesn't really care about the other person at all, they just want to seem nice or caring for their own ego.
    But are you sure that some of this isn't just coming from you? Like, sometimes people genuinely do care and genuinely do want to help someone or build their confidence because they can truly empathise. I have no problem with that. So, how can you tell the difference between a genuine compliment and a patronising one? It's not always easy.
    So, I'm just saying that maybe some of this disdain is coming from you. It's ok for people to want to make someone else feel better.

    But if you truly think people are being disingenuous, for example they compliment on social media, but in a real life situation they would probably contribute to this person being bullied, then I do agree with you. Is it wrong to compliment someone for looking down on them? Yeah, it is. Looking down on someone is the opposite of empathy, so if that's what someone's feeling, then any compliments they give *are* disingenuous.

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    • AbnormallyAwesome
      7 years ago

      Spot-on! Perfectly said.
      That's a genuine complyment btw :D

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      • DuHast
        7 years ago

        You condescending prick!
        hehe, thank you very much, seriously :)

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    • RBG250
      7 years ago

      I still feel feel that it's not moral to boost someone to make yourself feel better. For example giving money to a homeless person because you wish to feel good about helping them isn't a moral act. It's devoid of moral character because the main intent is a selfish reason.

      Same goes with this. I feel that people mostly do this type of thing for a multitude of reasons such as to make the receiver feel better, to make themselves feel better, to feel like they are a good person, to feel like they aren't judging this person. It all comes down to intent and I feel that if you're going to compliment someone because of a reason other than you feel that's it's true and you want to say it it's selfish.

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      • DuHast
        7 years ago

        Actually, no. I agree more than I said. If someone does something ONLY for their own benefit, then they can't claim that it was a moral motivation.

        Like, if companies give money to charities, they're only doing it for PR reasons, to improve their brand image. That's not a truly moral reason. So I don't think they deserve any credit for that, either.

        Maybe I agree with you more than I first thought.
        Sorry for these overly long comments.

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        • RBG250
          7 years ago

          I like them no worries.

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      • DuHast
        7 years ago

        I kind of agree, but I see it differently. If someone gives money to a homeless person *purely* to make themselves feel better, then they really don't deserve any credit. BUT, it's a nice side effect that the homeless person gets the money, so I'd rather they did it than didn't do it - same with compliments.

        Also, Who am I to question people's motivations in the first place? Maybe the 'giver' is genuinely trying some path of spiritual enlightenment (or some shit) and truly wants to spread love and give for the sake of it...

        But, I do get what you're saying. In fact, I agree 100% with your last sentence.
        (I just tend to err on the side of accepting it, rather than having a problem with it, unless it's obviously a really condescending remark).

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  • Tealights
    7 years ago

    It's sympathy.

    However, it's hard to distinguish between who is doing it to feel good about themselves, and who is doing it out of genuine care. In the end, it's better to be happy they said anything nice at all.

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