Is it normal to be treated bad by inlaws while others are not?

28% Normal
15 Comments

I have been married for almost 6 yrs & my inlaws are always rude to me. I have tried everything but they never have accepted me in their family. Last year I thought my mother in law had finally accepted me after visiting her and her husband many times. she finally started talking to me alot and we had regular phone chats. Then my bro inlaw introced them to his girlfriend and suddenly they r giving me the cold shoulder again. This year they even forgot my b-day. They have also been distant toward my husband when we r at their house. I am so angry and hurt & my husband never says anything. I hate to even visit them but when i try to get out of going my husband gets angry, weekend visits are torture! He even gets mad at me when I get upset. I don't know what their problem is. I tried talking to them but they ignore me or blow me off saying nothing is wrong. Also I am a diff race they are Hispanic & I'm African American so I wonder if it's a race issue. I caught them talking about me in Spanish until they found out I knew what they were saying. My brother inlaws girlfriend is also Hispanic which makes me think this even more seeing how quickly they accepted her. It is so upsetting & is hurting my marriage. I am begining to hate them and have been thinking of divorce. I know it upsets my husband but he never says anything to them either! Is it normal to be treated this way & to feel so angry? What to do...

Voting Results
28% Normal
Based on 58 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • gowila
    13 years ago

    I told my wife that I was no longer going to visit her parents and that she was welcome to go when ever she wanted to but I was staying away. Now they are all like where is your husband we miss him etc. I hate them

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  • tori
    13 years ago

    I sAid no it's not normal on your in-laws part. I kinda have the same problem. My father in law adores me. My step mother in law appears to care but after being married for 30 years I finally figured her out. She is two faced. Her side of the family comes first in love, caring, spending time with them. When my husbands dad asks us to spend the night(they live 2 hours away) she cringes. I see her face and it's disgusting. Her side spends weeks there. I'm also tired of her bashing my husbands sister. She's not even allowed at their house anymore. When I stand up for her my husband says I'm making trouble. All the bad stuff happens when my father in law isn't in the same room. When they someday die, we expect to get nothing if his dad goes first. He is in his eighties and on poor health. Her side will get everything. I don't care really, but I will feel my husbands pain and disgust. I hope it will get better for you. I could tell you more horror stories about this woman but I would just more upset. Good luck to you!!

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    • redviking
      13 years ago

      Sorry to hear that you have a similar issue, but i do admire you for being married so long! I expect the same thing if they die. Everything will go to his brother he is the favorite.

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  • gowila
    13 years ago

    I don't know why you would care. You need to turn it around and make them feel like they need to make the effort. Also if you are always attempting to suck up, they will only naturally dis-like you. Just stop contacting them and enjoy your husband, they sound pathetic anyway. You should realy be in the situation where u don't care about it

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  • sportsmom
    13 years ago

    I totally get where you are coming from. I am white and my husband is Hispanic. When we first got together his mom got soooo mad at him! She wouldn't even let me stay the night with him when he moved back home to help out after his dad passed. Which I understood and respected until a year later his younger brother got a Hispanic girlfriend and she moved in! It has gotten a little better since we have had kids but I can tell she still doesn't fully accept me. Good luck, I feel your pain!

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    • redviking
      13 years ago

      sports mom, you hit the nail on the head! I do not doubt that they would be a little, very little, nicer if we had children but I would not want my kids around her. Second when his brother has kids then mine would be tossed away, and of course she may not like our "mixed" children at all. She places a great emphasis on race.

      I have been trying to ignore them completely but since mu husband never says anything to them about their behavior I am beginning to see his family when I look at him, and I hate it! We get along so well otherwise! I hate them so much! My family has always been so good to him, they treat him like a son, but he does not even hardly talk to them either (they always ask me why he is so quiet) and he expects me to go all out for his family? beyond frustrated.

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  • JadedImage
    13 years ago

    Talk to them about it, and don't give up on your marriage. Make your husband open up about it as well. This is your partner for life, why would you throw it away because of in-law behavior??

    If you don't say anything, you are pretty much torturing yourself. Confront them about it, even if they have something negative to say. Stand up for yourself!!

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    • redviking
      13 years ago

      it is the fact that he does not stand up for me, but he forces me to be around them and put up with their crap. I have talk to him time and again and tried talking to his family but they get rude about it and say that they did nothing. Any suggestions on what to say to them or how to approach them, I am very open to any? Lately I have taken to not speaking to them but I just continue to resent their behavior and seeing my husband do nothing makes me angry with him.

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  • Lizbit
    13 years ago

    I hate to say it Red but your in-laws are.... well to be blunt, ass-holes. They should be polite to you at the very least. But if after six years things haven't changed they probably never will. I am also going to hazzard a guess that you and your hubby don't have any children together. As mean as it sounds they'd probably treat you better (sadly I've seen it with friends).
    Maybe if you tried marriage counseling it may help to get your husband to understand how you feel. However, if you've exhausted all avenues to resolve the problems and still had no improvement then yes, divorce is the best option. Some of my friends have such evil in-laws I wish there was a wand I could wave to turn them into toads.

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  • kricket
    13 years ago

    I have the same general issues with my in-laws. My husband is the black sheep of the family and therfore, I am looked down upon as well. It's okay to be angry and if u keep ignoring the issue, u most likely will divorce just to be free from contstant negativity. Your husband needs to understand where u r coming from. Or u will keep looking at him with negative thoughts and reminders of u resenting it family.

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    • redviking
      13 years ago

      Kricket what do you do to keep sane? You are right I am starting to resent my husband and divorce sound like the only way to get rid of the negativity. I love him so much but I feel like he does not feel the same since he won't say anything. If my family ever acted slightly rude toward him I would not speak to them, they have to respect my choices and the man I love, but he allows this crap to continue.

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  • redviking
    13 years ago

    To lizbit yes he knows how I feel we have discussed this several times.

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  • tori
    13 years ago

    To Lizbit:

    I wish we could sit down and review his will. 2 things, a long time ago we were told that my husband and his cousin in law were both executors. Then 2 years ago we were informed that my husband was removed. Hmmm. We were also told that we will be informed by the lawyers. And if we made a fuss, we would get nothing. Of course all this was sAid by my step mother in law. I would love to talk one on one with my husbands dad. But we can never be alone for more than a minute. She FINDS us. I cry for my husband. It was his dad that made her lifestyle sweet.

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  • Lizbit
    13 years ago

    (oops) out there for a reason. Honestly your husband should be supporting and standing up for you when it comes to his family. You mentioned you were considering divorcee. Have you told your husband about these thoughts? If not, perhaps he may be will realize how much this truely hurts you.

    Tori: for your husband's sake the two of you should sit down with his dad and review his will. If there are any momentos (pictures/albums, figures-things he collected) that have special meaning to him be sure it's spelled out in dad's will that the items go to your hubby. Granted his passing first would mean the bulk goes to step-mom but it will safe gaurd some things. My friend ended up in a similar situation, but both her parents had remarried. When mom died she got nothing and didn't get anything of dad's till after step-mom died and her kids decided they didn't want it (which wasn't much).

    Good luck to you both!!

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  • Lizbit
    13 years ago

    It is and isn't normal the way they're treating you. There are plenty of inlaw horror stories (

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