Is it normal to be this upset about his baby

63% Normal
41 Comments

I was in a toxic relationship 10-9 years ago. My ex cheated, lied, gas-lighted, he just wasn’t a good boyfriend. I fell pregnant at 20 years old and with his influence we decided to have an abortion. This was really hard on me but it’s a decision I made and have to live with. When our relationship ended my life changed in an amazing way. I got a better job, bought a house, fell in love, got a dog, got married, honestly my life feels like a dream. Then a familiar face showed up in my for you page on tik toc, my ex. I decided to find his social media and found he has a 6 month old now. I started to feel sick, tears flooded my face. I felt so guilty. It shocked me to have such an intense reaction when in reality I feel indifference about my ex, couldn’t care about him, but his child breaks my heart. Wtf!

Voting Results
63% Normal
Based on 16 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 41 )
  • Ummitsstillme
    3 years ago

    It is very normal and would actually be weird if you didn't feel a bunch of emotions after seeing your ex`s child. Just remind yourself that that kid has nothing to do with that fetus you guys let go. Remember how your relationsip was and how bad it would have been for a child. Be greatful for what you have and will have with your better man.

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  • SkullsNRoses
    3 years ago

    I don’t know how to advise in terms of your feelings surrounding his child but my 2 cents is to block him on all social media. Seeing his life will only make the healing harder.

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    • RoseIsabella
      3 years ago

      That's an excellent point!

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  • have_a_good_day
    3 years ago

    maybe he's dating da infant. you never know with those types

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  • [Old Memory]
    3 years ago

    Are you upset because you think he may have wanted the baby?

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    • RoseIsabella
      3 years ago

      Who cares what an abuser wants.

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      • [Old Memory]
        3 years ago

        That's why I asked, that was one of the more likely explanations I could come up with for her being upset seeing him with another child

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        • RoseIsabella
          3 years ago

          No, I think the issue is that he encouraged her to have the abortion, he was an awful, and abusive partner, and now he appears to be living his happy life like nothing ever happened. Of course I would like to discourage OP from comparing her insides to his outside, and what I mean by that is that while she may be feeling really awful inside emotionally there's no way of knowing how he's feeling, because most people do try to put on a happy face when they're out, and about.

          Honestly, I kinda hope he's suffering inside, because he sounds like an awful person as most narcissistic abusers are.

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          • ForeverBM
            3 years ago

            That’s the problem. Holding onto anger just keeps me stuck as a victim. I went years without him existing. In my head he is still the low life SOB I remember from back then. In my head there is no way he could ever be happy or love anyone. I agreed to have the abortion realizing I didn’t want to bring anyone else into our situation and thinking I wasn’t strong enough to leave him. Now I’m just filled with guilt knowing I was strong enough, I didn’t need to kill a baby. I just hope I was wrong, I hope he has grown and I hope he never hurts wife or lets that little girl down.

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            • RoseIsabella
              3 years ago

              How long has it been since the abortion? Most who experience trauma after an abortion don't really start to feel it until seven to ten years later.

              When we know better we do better. Try not to judge your past self, by the same standards you would hold your current self by when it comes to this issue. I hope you get the healing you need, dear heart.

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          • [Old Memory]
            3 years ago

            Well yeah, but she agreed to it too, unless it was kind of coerced, but would she *want* a child with someone like that?

            He probably didn't want the child so he wouldn't have the responsibility, but maybe she wanted the baby despite him being the father or maybe she agreed that a baby with him wasn't good.

            I'm just trying to figure out why she became upset and it seems to be linked to seeing him with a baby

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            • RoseIsabella
              3 years ago

              A lot of women are coerced into abortions by their partners, and families who don't want to deal with it.

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          • bbrown95
            3 years ago

            Very true about not knowing how he's really feeling, especially if all she has to go off of is his social media. If there's anything people need to know about social media, it's that people put on a facade and only allow people to see what they want them to see on there.

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            • RoseIsabella
              3 years ago

              Back in the day we did this when we ran into people we used know in person. I remember feeling an anxious adrenaline rush, but then putting on a brave, happy face. Now I mostly just pretend I didn't see the person, or simply flee if possible.

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      • LloydAsher
        3 years ago

        Abuser or not he was still the child's father. Just telling stories of your old man being an asshole vs him seeing the flesh and bone are two seperate experiences.

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        • RoseIsabella
          3 years ago

          ... and this post is about OP, and her experiences with this jerk who treated her badly for almost a decade, got her pregnant, and pushed her to abort the baby. This is OP's post, it's her experience, her ex-boyfriend, and her baby. This place is anonymous, and I choose to take OP at her word on her life experience she has chosen to share with the Is It Normal community here.

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          • LloydAsher
            3 years ago

            I'm just saying my two cents on the matter. Life sucks and I understand the choice to abort.

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            • RoseIsabella
              3 years ago

              Right on!

              I feel really bad for OP, because she must be going through a very hard time right now.

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  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    Lots of women regret their abortions. They don't miss their stupid exes, but they miss the babies they aborted. You're not alone!

    I think you should checkout these two links: Project Rachel https://hopeafterabortion.com/ and Rachel's Vineyard https://www.rachelsvineyard.org/

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    • ForeverBM
      3 years ago

      Thank you!

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      • RoseIsabella
        3 years ago

        You're very welcome!

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        • GaelicPotato
          3 years ago

          Rose, I need to ask you something. In any post that relates to any men, I sense a bit of angry bitterness in you.

          Who hurt you?

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          • RoseIsabella
            3 years ago

            I don't want to talk about right now, but thanks for asking.

            Regardless, I maintain that OP's ex is a piece of shit. 🙂

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            • GaelicPotato
              3 years ago

              Debatable, this is just her narrative. For all we know, she could be the abusive one and this her delusional narrative. You never know when you just hear one side.

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    • LloydAsher
      3 years ago

      Always put them up for adoption. There are tons of families on waiting lists for situations like the OP they dont care who the father nor the mother was as long as the child is healthy and is legally able to be theirs. It sounds shitty but I perfer people who go out of their way to get a child to raise rather then people who forgot to take birth control and just cares about their own life.

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      • blinkeredharlot
        3 years ago

        Lol yeh the foster system totally isnt overrun with unwanted children

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        • LloydAsher
          3 years ago

          Babies arent overflowing in the system. It's just the "older" kids that overflow. Babies are always in high demand. Older kids also have the stigma of being so mentally fucked up that it's more of a burden/danger to have them around other kids. Babies are easier to imprint on then middle schoolers.

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          • blinkeredharlot
            3 years ago

            Yeh and maybe just maybe if they hadnt been born to parents who hadnt had abortion restrictions that wouldnt be the case. Doubt theres queues for all the crack babies either.

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      • RoseIsabella
        3 years ago

        I'm Pro-life myself, but it's a bit late for that kinda talk that you're doing now! I'm not gonna try to make OP feel bad, and neither should you! If post abortive women feel bad then they should go to a healing retreat, and make their peace with God. Preaching about adoption on a post by a woman who regrets having an abortion is pretty shitty, especially when you consider the fact that her abusive, piece of shit ex was actually pushing her to have the abortion in the first place, because his lazy, selfish ass didn't want to accept responsibility for his actions. I think OP feels bad enough as it is, and so we all ought to refrain from saying things to her that would shame her. I think she is hella courageous to talk about this issue here in Is It Normal.

        It is possible to be Pro-life, compassionate simultaneously.

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  • Somenormie
    3 years ago

    The ex boyfriend sounded like an asshole.

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    • RoseIsabella
      3 years ago

      He probably was a pure asshole.

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  • bigbudchonga
    3 years ago

    Have you got a kid now?

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    • ForeverBM
      3 years ago

      No, actively trying and we suffered a early miscarriage this summer. Maybe that has a lot to do with it.

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      • bigbudchonga
        3 years ago

        Yeah, I think that's quite wise of you to be able to realize that possibility tbf. I really wish you the best with this, and I'm sorry you had a miscarriage.

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  • McSorley
    3 years ago

    Why are you upset? Because he has a kid with another chick?

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    • ForeverBM
      3 years ago

      No, more of a sense of guilt.

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    • RoseIsabella
      3 years ago

      Well, his lazy, selfish, and irresponsible ass did encourage her to have an abortion so I think it would be more than normal for her to be less than thrilled to see his crazy ass.

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