Is it normal to be this scared of marriage?

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6 Comments

So, I'm engaged to this guy. And he's like, perfect. Well, to me. He swears he has flaws, and he has a bad past, but we're trying to move past everything. Anyways, so he is planning to stay with me forever, and no, I don't know why either, but he wants it. I do as well, I'm crazy for him.... so for a few days, he was sick and slept a lot, we didn't talk too much, and then one random day, he called me up crying, saying that he didn't think he could do it. Like, I told him we could go slower, and we didn't have to even be engaged yet. But I dunno. He broke up with me. I cried my little eyes out, then he called me a few hours later, crying and saying he's sorry for how he acted and that he was being stupid. Of course I took him back, and I know he's scared...but what if he does it again? I mean, is it normal to completely break up with me cause of it? I would think slowing down would have made him feel better, but no. He actually broke up with me. We're back together now, and we're doing fine, but I dunno. I guess I just want assurance that it's normal? Thankkksss

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67% Normal
Based on 43 votes (29 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • lynamph
    13 years ago

    :|

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  • korn3654
    13 years ago

    He's nuts

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  • CountryRoads
    13 years ago

    He's probably just scared. I'd be cautious about it...definitely talk about why he acted that way.
    People get nervous when faced with responsibilities.

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  • runnergirl
    13 years ago

    You've answered your own question. You know what you should do, but you can't. Stop justifying it and telling yourself it's for him. You both will be stronger apart. If you stay "for him" even though it doesn't feel right, you are only enabling him. My guess is you have low self esteem and like to feel needed. You probably feel that he would fall apart without you and you can save him. That is not a good reason to marry him. For the sake of your future children and your own happiness, marry a man who is stable. Marriage is NOT about growing stable together! It is about two already stable people creating a new life together. Only two stable people can create a stable marriage. That is why marriage is so hard--it takes two entirely complete people to make it work. I promise you that if you do not leave you will regret it later.

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  • lynamph
    13 years ago

    So he's not stable. Growing stable together isn't a step of marriage? I mean, I don't want to leave him. I know something isn't right, but If I do leave him, it'll be because he wants me to, or it'll be best for him. I don't have it in me, to leave him alone in the dark. You know?

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  • runnergirl
    13 years ago

    Not normal. He may not be so perfect. That's a pretty abrupt thing to do over fear. You want to find a life partner who is less impulsive, more stable. That is a huge red flag for mental instability that does not bode well for marriage and children. Please get out now before you see more instability. You're right that slowing down should have calmed him. It didn't. Something isn't right. Don't stick around to find out what else is going on and how far this impulsivity goes. Don't move past his "bad past". Move on! He has a bad past for a reason, probably impulsivity and mental instability. LEAVE! BTW, I'm a psychiatrist who has seen this a lot.

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