Is it normal to be this obssed with my boyfriend?

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22 Comments

Hello all, I am obsessed with my boyfriend to the point of where I am physically sick some mornings with wondering what he is doing or if he is doing things with other girls, and i get drunk, and walk round the cornder to check his car is there most nights late at night, and i check his emails, and have a fake ID on facebook and have added myself to his exes freind list to check and see what;s going on. I hate myself for doing this, and I feel ill when he goes out or when his car is not there and I don;lt sleep properley. I feel sick at the thought of him ever touching anyone else. We don't see each other much, so I guess that does not help, and I hate that i check on him all the time. I used to call him loads but have managed to calm that down a bit, but I am constantly paranoid about him. is this normal? I have had to take days off work because of being to lovesick to come in.

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Based on 46 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    This is madness.
    You really need to find something better to do or think about. Men don't like this obsessive deal and if you're not careful, he will tire of your attitude and leave you. Most sane men won't put up with this.

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  • Carol001
    11 years ago

    Hi Joybird. Thanx for your comment. He tried to ring me last night. The usual friday night stuff. I did not answer,and rang him back this morning. He was moody,and has not rung back since. You are right. I need to back off,even though it.s hard,plus I need to stop checking his car. He tells me he loves me,but acts selfishly. I don.t get it.The good thing is,since I sent my first post,i.ve got busy doing my own stuff. However, he is used to me ringing him,and i need to stop. He refers to me as his girlfreind,but doesn.t treat me like one. I probably need to meet someone new. X

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  • Ashleyloohoo
    11 years ago

    You should really stop doing that. What if he finds out what you've been doing? Think about it, he's gonna leave you. Then you will really feel bad. Just be careful and relax :) and learn to trust him!

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  • Carol001
    11 years ago

    LOL!! x

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  • lila13a
    11 years ago

    yeah, if your name is Eponine.

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  • Carol001
    11 years ago

    Ok all. I;ve ended it!! I feel much better for doing so too.,x

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    Obsession of any sort are not normal except for the song. You need help. If your boyfriend those find out before you get treated, he could charge you for stalking/harassment or get a restraining order. You need to stop and get help before it gets to that point.

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    • Carol001
      11 years ago

      he is not aware of it that i was checking his car. I told him that i did it once. I have not told him the rest,and i won.t either. I don.t think ringing him once a day counts as harrasment. X

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  • Carol001
    11 years ago

    he has shown signs of cheating. He has 3 kids by his ex wife. He stayed over there a few back,and told me he had got in at 1am. He was out all night. His car was not there. When i confronted him, he said he stayed as it was easier to take his kids to football in the morning from there. I think he slept with her. He has not stayed there since,and now has the kids stay over with him. I don.t know if she knows about me,but they are too close for comfort in lots of ways, and when we split up 4 a while after we first met,he told me he slept with her once.so how can i trust him? I can.t. I may have to end it.x

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    • joybird
      11 years ago

      I'm so sorry to say this but if a relationship isn't making you happy and laughing every day then you are better out of it. It is not fair of him to lie to you about staying at his ex wife's house but you are driving yourself insane by going out late at night to check the car.

      What if something happened to YOU wandering the streets late at night? Just to see if his car's there!? He's not worth the risk!!

      And if his behaviour has you drinking more - then that's not good for YOU either.

      He may think you are a walkover and he can treat you any way he likes and you will always be there.

      I'm not sure about his game but from your point of view, I don't see why you need to know where he is during the day. He's not with you -end of story and you're not texting him to bring you home groceries (as I do). I text coz he won't remember! Don't forget that men don't need to chat the way women do.

      Why not shake him up by backing off a bit and get busy and unavailable for sex once a week?
      Then you'll see him chase after you for a change.

      I think the other IIN members are worried for your sanity as you wouldn't be the first female to kill a bf for not complying to her obsessive behaviour! Anyhow, if he's not good for you, move on - there's millions of men out there!!
      Good luck!!

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      • Carol001
        11 years ago

        ps I am sane,and have not had the need to act this way with exes. This guy has driven me to this with his secretive behaviour,or should i say,i.ve allowed myself to be driven to it. I need to leave him. He even moved 5 mins away from me a couple of months back. I thought that would improve things. It.s actually made things worse. He.s talking of moving again soon. I hope he does,as i feel somehow trapped since he.s been here,even though he.s not coming round all the time.x

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  • alv1592
    11 years ago

    If he hasn't shown any signs of cheating, he's probably not. So you shouldn't worry.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    No offense but you sound slightly mentally unbalanced.

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  • Captain_Kegstand
    11 years ago

    Has either one of you cheated on the other?

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Sounds like you have a bit of a co-dependent anxiety disorder. It's not healthy and not good... but you might need some support and counseling to try and get out of this emotional rut...

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    • Carol001
      11 years ago

      guys. I.m not mentaly unbalanced at all,but his columbo type behaviour has led me to this point of despair! I.m sure u get that. Imagine. Rejeted calls,not knowing your partners where abouts, non commital attitude,these actions lead to suspicion,weather unfounded or not.ok. Maybe he does it for a response. And yes, i half cheated when i was not seeing him. Not sure he has,but once a week seeing sex is a joke in my book. I,ve been nothing but kind to this man. X

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  • Carol001
    11 years ago

    He makes me feel like this by negelcting him. I know on reading this , some of you may think I am a bunny boiler, but I am not, and have been driven to checking up on him because he acts suspisciously, and hides stuff!!

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  • Carol001
    11 years ago

    Ok. I will try to do more things. I donlt need help. it;s not as bad as it looks written down!! and further more - he doens not know quite how obsessive I am . I will try and sort this out once and for all.

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  • worldispsyched
    11 years ago

    Get help please.

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  • Carol001
    11 years ago

    Hi all, thanks for your comments. No , I have not cheated on him as such, but did let a guy touch me because I feel negelcted by my bf. My bf makes me suspcious, as I never quite know where he is. I did tell him I was looking for his car a few months back and he said that was stalking behaviour, but I did have good reason, as he is always mysterious with his movements, and i buy into it. he would go nuts if he knew I was checking his emails.. I get quite scared doing it, but it;s become an addiction - I have not found anything, but my instincts keep telling me he is doing something becuase I only see him once a week which means once a week sex, and he only lives round the corner from me. yes, I do need to trust him I guess, but it;s hard. Ok, so here is an example. Last night i called him, he said he would call me back . It got late and he didn;t, then when I did call him back he rejected my call. ..twice. So I texted him and asked what was up? then he called me back saying he was 'chatting to someone'and was on his way home. WTF??? can you see why I get like this? and that kind of general secretive behaviour. Then this morning I texted him for a lift to work and he did not answer, then rang me 30 mins later telling me he had already left, so of course i thought he had been out all night. Anyway, enough about him. I am concerned about myself and that is it not normal to get dressed at 2am some nights and go look for his car, and that I drink too much because of it, and feel sick and obsess and look at his exes facebook page, and that I can;t stand the thought of him touching someone else. it;s not normal right?

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  • pegger
    11 years ago

    have you cheated on him ?

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  • iEatZombies_
    11 years ago

    If you haven't found anything on him by now, you probably won't, because he's not doing anything. It's best to stop doing this, tell him what you've done and try to make it up if he doesn't leave. Which he might not, because if a guy isn't 'harmlessly flirting', he probably cares for you.

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