Is it normal to be this frustrating?
Recently, I have been thinking about asking if it was normal being frustrated at myself. I came to learn about this friend of mine-a girl- having a crush on me despite being a girl myself, and I treated her just the way I thought I normally would. About three years have passed when I came to learn of it, and I only just started thinking about having a relationship with her. I keep on having an argument with myself because whenever I'd talk to her, I'd be sweet and flirt. But then, there are times whenever I'd remember how my family would be disappointed at me if I do have a relationship with her OR even be considering that. To make things worse, whenever I would imagine what my best friend would say if she found out that I'm having this infatuation or thing for that girl, I'd get scared and then I would put all of my anger to that girl. A good friend of mine asked me if I was in love with that girl and I have no idea how to respond to it. I mean, I've never been in love with anyone before. I had a boyfriend once, but we treated each other like friends, not lovers. And then, my mind would remind me of my fear of what my best friend would say. And that somehow gives me some sort of idea, though not very clear.
Whenever I'd ask myself about who would I choose between the two of them, I'm sure that I would pick my best friend over that girl. But the problem after that is I can't spend a day without thinking of that girl. I keep on getting frustrated by these thoughts, and I have no idea who to turn to...well, because my family would have none of it. And they would probably keep me from talking with my best friend.