Is it normal to be this confused about a guy?

As long as I can remember whenever I've had feelings for someone it wasn't a good thing because I have a fear of rejection and would never tell them. Instead I'd be stuck with feelings I didn't want that would take years to go away. All the while the urge to be close to them, yet too afraid to get hurt, was emotional torture.

I met Pete (not his real name) on the job about ten years ago and right way I knew I was going to have a crush on him much to my dismay. So far I've never been more attracted to anyone in my life both physically and emotionally, more so physically since to me men are usually either attractive or "meh". It was strange that just seeing him excited me so much yet I didn't know why since he's pretty average. Shortly after meeting him we became best friends but because of some drama at work we had a falling out.
He went into the marines and I got married but we still kept in touch via internet though just barely. Throughout my marriage I still held feelings for him but never entertained the thought of us being together or even seeing him again.
After me and my husband separated and I started living with my Mom he contacted me out of nowhere. By that time I'd pretty much dried out as far as feelings went so I figured we could hang out again since he's a such a good friend. Unfortunately, seeing him again was all it took to bring all those feelings flooding back since he's still so attractive to me. We hung out at his place watching funny stuff online and having so much fun talking he asked me to stay with him since neither of us need to be anywhere the next day; I ended up leaving his place a full 24 hours after first getting there. We stayed close like that until he was stationed at a base upstate and had to move though we still talk when we have time.
During a conversation he mentioned that when we worked together he'd had feelings for me too and never told me because he's extremely self-conscious. He knows I think he's gorgeous yet I can't say anything too nice about him without him thinking it's sarcasm or a back-handed compliment; likewise he can't tell me he thinks I'm beautiful without me calling him a liar that's trying to use me somehow. I get confused because he shuts down and acts really cold sometimes (he's bipolar but on medication and in therapy) yet is so supportive and caring the rest of the time. I can't help feeling like an idiot for feeling anything for him at all; he's not even an ex!