Is it normal to be so confused??!! i need help

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16 Comments

I live with my boyfriend. I am 20 and he is 43. We have been together for 3 yrs and lived together for 2. I am so used to him and comfortable with him and that means a lot to me because im very shy and have no one else. He doesnt either. We just have each other. His mom who lived with us died recently and he said he wants to die too to be with her again. He said he would if he didnt have me. That makes me so sad because i want him to be happy. He was married for 10yrs and his wife ended it kind of brutually about 5 years ago. Anyway. Three weeks ago my boyfriend and i got into an argument and he told me we could both cheat over the internet. We happen to argue a lot. But this time we cheated and i met a guy i really liked. He seemed ok with my shyness. My boyfriend ended up wanting me back so we did and yet i kept cheating. I became so confused who to choose. I didnt think my boyfriend wanted me that much but he really did. He found out i was cheating still and begged me to stop, I was extremely depressed and scared because our lives were comfortable together and he takes care of me. I would feel lost in the world without him. Deep inside i felt i wasnt in love with him though. I loved him and wanted to take care of him, but i didnt feel any romance between us. I kept changing my mind who to choose. My boyfriend even let this guy meet me for 5 minutes. And he let me talk to this guy as long as i promised i would end it. i kept promising i would. But in the the end he threatened to call the guy and tell him the truth about me if i didnt end it immedietly so i finally did and the guy stopped talking to me. i tried to be with my boyfriend again but im getting irritated with him so easily and i snap at him a lot and i just keep thinking about this guy. I want him instead. But im not sure if i lost him. I feel like i did but im scared to find out. And im not sure if i can really leave my boyfriend as he will most likely kill himself because he says he will never find a young girl who wants an old man like him. He is so stubborn about needing someone under 30 whos attactive. He loves me so much and wants to mary me. I Wish i could make him happy so i told him he can look for someone else while we stay roomates. He said okay but he is so mad at me for changing my mind again. Im hurting him so much. He wont talk to me. I want to write guy i was talking to but it was only 4 days ago i told him i got back with my ex. But i dont want to be so lonely. I never talk to my family about relationships plus they dislike my boyfriend as hes older. My family lives 45 minutes away from my work and i dont drive and i have no where to live if i left my boyfriend besides my family. My boyfriend always drove me or i took the bus. But a bus ride would take 2 hours from my familys to my work. If i found out this guy i want really doesnt to try things out again i will want my boyfriend back. Im scared to make any decision. Im scared of hurting everyone again

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23% Normal
Based on 43 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I stopped reading after she said her age at 20 and his at 43............

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  • All_Fired_Up
    12 years ago

    Oh god... Im confused because you confused
    Me with your super confusing confusion story
    =P

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  • Brad07305
    12 years ago

    I don't think either one of you are playing with a full deck. He said you should both cheat and now he's demanding that you cut it off with the guy you're cheating with? It sounds like you're both addicted to drama. It's affliction that I don't believe there is a cure for.

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  • bluebirdee
    12 years ago

    I agree...if that feeling isn't there anymore and you both have confessed, it's not your responsibility to look after his needs over yours anymore.
    You could help by maybe taking him to see someone who could give him professional advice, things like that.
    But I agree if you have a solid job, save until you have enough to start renting, and build up from there. It's still easy to save money, and who knows you may just find some friends in the end who will have a positive effect on your life and help lift you up so that you have enough energy once again to spread your love.
    LIving alone is one of the best things to put yourself in and you learn a lot about yourself.
    And I wouldnt worry about the age difference, I know heaps of couples with that age difference and are happily married at the with the 20-30 year gap. Making sure you are compatible with each other is the main thing. Including values, anger, being able to talk, or the ability to be mentally strong in depressed situations.
    Be strong and listen to your needs!

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  • Chillpill
    12 years ago

    It seems that you've found yourself in a situation where you feel completely trapped by circumstances and other people's needs rather than your own. How about thinking 1,5 or 10 years ahead? Imagine your future life if you stay with your current bf and perhaps even get married. How does this make you feel? Happy, excited and content? If so, maybe things are good after all. If not, then what are you waiting for? In that case, take steps to live a more independent life. Do your licence, get your own apartment, whatever it takes for you not to be dependent on someone you don't love.
    Good luck!

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I suspect that you already know the answer to this question; really, it can't be that complicated.

    And in my humble opinion, the biggest issue here is that utterly ridiculous age difference. I mean, come on, how could that possibly work...?

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  • Quackaddict
    12 years ago

    Look, I'm reading this and I'm seeing some underlying problems. It's not about your boyfriend or this other guy. The issue is your diet. Its obvious. Start eating more fruit and cheese and maybe some magnesium supplements. God speed. Blue steel.

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  • alv1592
    12 years ago

    Okay, I didn't read the whole thing but I get the basic idea. You're probably not compatible because of the age difference. You said you've been together 3 years, meaning you were 17 and 40 at the time...what do you have in common? Just saying.

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    • Havensprings
      12 years ago

      We both dont like people, we both have no one else, we both like the same music. We generally like the same things but we argue like crazy and it gets physical a lot of the time. I know we will always argue and i cant live this way, but then again i cant live without him. Our age difference will effect us more in the future i know and that also scares me. I never expected to go this far with him when we first met.

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      • joybird
        12 years ago

        haha You don't know men very well do you?

        I started to laugh reading this with my bf "let me" haha - wish he'd try to stop me doing whatever I want!

        Honestly grow up! Get out of there - it's over if you're able to go with someone else.

        He has absolutely NO intention of EVER killing himself - it's just a way to blackmail you into staying! He's a real @sshole if that old one is the best he can come up with. Soooo funny!! haha

        Go back to the other one. Take a chance on love. This old dog has had his day, and do you know what..... he will replace you in a week!

        You are soooo funny :o) Glad I read this nonsense, made me lol. Please grow up before you're 60yo and still with this prat. lol

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        • Havensprings
          12 years ago

          He attempted suicide when his ex wife left him. But his brother drove him to the emergency room. Now that he lost his mom who he was extremely close to, and me now, what if he really does kill himself? I cant stand thinking i could have saved him if i stayed with him,

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          • [Old Memory]
            12 years ago

            And you are willing to save him at the expense of losing yourself ?

            Being miserable your entire life? Some people cant be saved and deep down, even though they would never admit even to themselves, really dont want to be saved.

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          • joybird
            12 years ago

            I hope you didn't know this when you first took up with him. Otherwise you're a fool and should've ran then! Your family obviously saw this idiot more clearly than you did.

            Look! You cheated on him and he didn't die!
            He has no intention of dying - he's just blackmailing you with the possibility. You cannot live with this threat hanging over you. Get him to make a will and then he can go ahead - you'll get over it! But he won't do it!!

            Don't stick to a routine, he needs to be unsure what time you get in etc in case he times a suicide attempt for you to find him.

            This is awful threat to live with, he's very immature!
            Get out!

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  • thc123
    12 years ago

    do whats right for you, youre not happy so get out of there.if he's threatening to kill himself, thats a red flag, no matter what you need to get it together and make YOU happy.

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    • Havensprings
      12 years ago

      Hes not threatening to. He just says it will happen and acts like i shouldnt care since i dont want him.

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  • jakeupp
    12 years ago

    The guy who said confused a lot confused me but I think you should listen to your heart and think if you HAD to chose someone who would it be? Your super old bf, or your Gumar? A Gumar is a person you cheat on your bf/gf with.

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