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My uncle had a tree in his backyard and I spent hours sitting on a branch and masturbating on it over many years when I was growing up. I knew the tree was alive so I started to masturbate on it. Then things got more sexual over the years.
Dendrophilia is what the term is. You'd be surprised that people do actually get sexually attracted to trees.
Wow, this sh*t really exists as an actual term?! I thought he was the only whacko that could date Pinocchio! XDDD
It does, I honestly can't remember where I came across the term for the first time but it exists! XD And if he were to date Pinocchio, it would give a whole new meaning to "getting wood" XD
Pinocchio looks like a little boy. I might be a dendrophile but I'm not some disgusting pedophile.
But when you dream about him you get some serious... "Morning Wood" when you wake up, right?! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! XDDD
God, dude, I was making a joke, not at your expense... and he's a wooden toy, so that wouldn't even equate to pedophilia.
I wasn't saying you were a pedo, I was just making light humour. If I wanted to make fun of you or call you something, I would do it straight up, as it is, I didn't.
So that's what them damn hippies are doing in the woods. I thought it's smoking dope, but they bone trees... gotta tell the cops. cheers, buddy.
Trees are beautiful creatures, but I'm not sexually attracted to them. Aren't you worried about bugs or that someone will see you?
And all this time I had thought I was the only one who found trees sexy. Nice to know one is not alone.
Some trees have maple syrup you can use as a lubricant. There are many beautiful things that can be done with a tree.
But i don't understand ... bark is rough and wood can splinter. Not fun.
Not every dendrophile sticks their penis in it and has intercourse. There are other things you can do like kiss a tree or sit on it and masturbate. Or you can get a woman to come with you and you both make love in the tree while the tree holds you with its branches, like a loving arm welcoming you.
I feel like you ended your story at sort of a pivotal moment.
"I used to kill puppies, but then things got REAL fucked up. The end."
I got the perfect match for you, boy! The name's Mokujin and she's one super hot baby tree! You'll blow your hot jizz in no time when you stick it in her holes...
Here's a pic of her (fighting Kuma the bear, you see she's a tough tree-bitch to tame...):
http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110831173049/tekken/en/images/1/12/Mokujin_(Female)_versus_Kuma_(Tekken_5).jpg