Is it normal to be rejected because of herpes?

58% Normal
14 Comments

I am a fit 48 yr old who still gets hit on by much younger men. I was married for 21 yrs, separated for 7. After my divorce I decided to go online to find that "special man" who had the same values as I did. Dating scares me. Put it this way when a man speaks to me I run away like Monty Python's white rabbit. I'm shy only in that respect.

We talked for 1 1/2 years. I fell madly, hopelessly in love with him before I ever met him. He lived in another state. He was the warm subtle wind that surrounded me and engulfed my life. I breathed deep. I saved myself for him. But I had a secret! The only thing I could not tell him.....I had Herpes 1 which is cold sores. Most people catch H-1 innocently as a child. After we had been intimate, I told him. It was wrong to wait. He works in the medical field. FYI herpes.com is a great site. Everyone should read it and I learned a lot. By age 50, 80-90%% of the entire population has H-1. My doctors said I can't spread it after so many years of having it unless I was actively broke-out. With this knowledge he told me he loved me deaf,blind, or otherwise and we continued this relationship for another few months. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? I found out that I also had H-2 which means I was cursed with a combo package, very very rare, which I had for many years. I didn't know it until I broke out Further investigation revealed that my ex-husband had it. Upon my request, I asked my lover to get tested. While waiting for the results he asked me to move in with him. He wanted to get married. I was elated and overjoyed.

Four day later, the results came in. Four days after his proposal, he told me he didn't want to see me anymore because he didn't want herpes although his tests showed a possible exposure to H-1. I am totally devastated and the pain is unbearable. I feel like wearing a shirt that says "I have herpes. You can talk to me if you're black,white,gay, or lesbian; rich or poor but not if your shallow, thoughtless, cold hearted or without integrity. I will never withhold this information again. I feel untouchable now. Was it normal for my lover to reject me because of herpes? Please give me your candid honest opinion and thank you in advance....

Voting Results
58% Normal
Based on 137 votes (80 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • dokudoku
    12 years ago

    Its a turnoff, sure.

    But going from lets get married to I don't want see you anymore over this is fucking bullshit.

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  • theytookthisone
    13 years ago

    People are just really shallow. If he's going to make a big deal out of something that minimal, he does not seem to be a strong person and its better this happened sooner than later. There are plenty of people out there that are willing to accept this, or already have it themselves.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    14 years ago

    Seems to me that you innocently received your herpes......how sad. I think you should have told him that you had it. I would not want to be with someone who did not want me. You are going to find happiness.

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  • blue_burr
    11 years ago

    Girl forget about him.... You deserve WAY better!!!! everybody has the cold sores its just who breaks out and who don't.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Maybe he was scared of getting it.

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  • bleach_baby
    13 years ago

    To be honest, I think it's normal in pricipal, although the circumstances sound a bit odd. If by H-2 you mean genital herpes anyway. I wouldn't want to get herpes either. Why dont you try a site like positivesingles.com, in fact just type STD dating into google and there are loads of sites to find people who either dont mind that you have it or that have the same thing. You definitely shouldnt feel unclean or untouchable because of it, but you do have to understand that some people will react negatively . Hope this helps.

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  • leahquestions
    14 years ago

    I'm adding a comment to my own story written a few months ago.... I have figured out that antibody numbers are very important. Yes I had H1 for many years and the antibody numbers were 22.0 the h2 was .71... Exposure means you have .89 or higher. I didn't get the herpes 2 from my ex husband I got it from the ex-boyfriend...... end of story-- it's exactly where he touched me and I broke out 2 weeks later after being with him and every 90 days.. what a shock for me and I still love him.....he's too high society to admit to it...lesson learned.......he was everthing on the outside and nothing on the inside...

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  • alwaysquestioning
    14 years ago

    A friend of mine, female (not me, I don't have herpes of any kind, amazingly) who is also in the med field and has sexually-transmitted herpes: she has told me that she has come to be very aware of the prodromes (physical signs that the herpes outbreak is about to happen), and maybe this would help you, even with medication.
    http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_g2603/is_0003/ai_2603000383/

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  • littleone
    14 years ago

    If he loved you for you, he would not have left you.
    If it wasn't the herpes, it would have been something else.
    Sorry.

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  • Jen118584
    14 years ago

    My best friend found out about a year ago that she'd caught herpes simplex 2 from a guy that I'd been warning her about for years. She had a boyfriend but they were rocky at the time and she went to visit this guy and bam, two days later she had herpes. She was devastated, but she told her boyfriend and he is still with her. They hardly ever have sex because she is still so upset over it and she obviously doesn't want to give it to him, but....he is still with her! He has been nothing but supportive.

    I would hope that finding out someone I loved or....at least thought I loved....had herpes would not be a deal breaker for me. I can't honestly say, though. I mean I adore my boyfriend and I can't see anything changing the way I feel about him. But if I had found out before I had fallen in love with him, it probably would have changed things, to be honest. It would definitely give me pause. I mean that's a potentially life changing decision. Like Bud said, I can understand his point of view but I don't necessarily agree with it, since my position on a situation like this would depend solely on how much I loved the person. I guess he just made the decision that it wasn't a risk he was willing to take. It doesn't make this any more bearable, but at least you found out that his whole heart wasn't in it before you moved in with him or made any other more permanent decisions. I know it hurts and I'm so sorry it happened to you but if he's not in it for all of you, then he shouldn't have any of you.

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    • turboacct
      14 years ago

      thank you so much for taking your time with your comment. I feel better. I have been severly depressed.I need to carry on but now with both I don't think I want to date for a while. If I do it'll be some one who already has it. Feel like it's hopeless to bother with anyone. thank you so much again for your support.

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    I hate to say this but herpies infection is 85%% of the population. If the dude really cared for you, he would find ways to be with you.

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    • [Old Memory]
      14 years ago

      OH, you wrote that fact, sorry. However, I know someone with type 1 and his girlfriend doesn't have type 1, they take steps to try to not let her catch type 1 from him. When he gets a bump on his mouth, they refrain from kissing and even sharing a soda.

      As you are more educated in this field than I am, what do you honestly think...inside? I understand your boyfriends point of view but I do not agree with it. If my girlfriend had it, I would stay with her but I would understand if my daughter (Speaking of the future, not now) left her fiance due to this problem.

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  • deb
    12 years ago

    I didnt read this long ass story. I just went by the title and said yes.

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