Is it normal to be jealous of my boyfriend's bestfriend?

79% Normal
15 Comments

I have known my boyfriend since I was 14 but started dating him last year, at 19. I knew during "the chase" stage in our relationship that he was rooming with a chick. That didn't bother me at all as he was open about everything, i.e. the pscyho chicks he has dated in the past. During that time I also learned how close he is to his bestfriend and I was happy for him. He told me she was really into him way back when and that he had never been interested in her, but kissed her once when they were both drunk (to be expected right). Still that didn't bother me, I understood.

Anyway, fast forward a year and I became insanely jealous one day. He called me because he was feeling really down and I just didn't have the right words for him. The hardest thing for me is to be there for someone because I never know what to do. He got frustrated and told me he'd just call someone else. A week later, I found out that he had called that chick and I was incredibly hurt and jealous that he needed to go to her and that she was able to say the right things. I'm over it now because I have a guy bestfriend who was in love with me for 3 years and I would never think to do anything with him.

My boyfriend told me that if I was jealous to just get over it because she's his bestfriend and will always be in his life.

is it normal for me to have gotten jealous though?

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 33 votes (26 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • Sog
    11 years ago

    These things will continue to happen as long as you have a best friend of the opposite sex that is not your boy/girlfriend.

    The only way to fix it is for the four of you (or six of you if your friends are also not single) to get together and do it in a big pile.

    And take plenty of pictures.

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  • Mando
    11 years ago

    He did go to you first and you were unable to help whereas his friend was so feeling jealous and disappointed in yourself is understandable. But it seems that was also a threat to your bf who for some reason needed to declare his loyalty (always in his life!) about her in friendship terms.

    You could look at life skills like communication workshops so you are better able to "be there" for either him or anyone else. That would just make you a better person. But you may also need to assess whether he is what you want in the long run.

    Do you want to be part of this triangle? And what if, for example, he does not let you be that close so that he can sustain this emotional closeness with the another woman? Could this actually be an emotional affair - not just a friendship?

    That is for you to determine.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Thank you for your comment, Mando. I mean, ultimately he chooses me over her. Ie he and I made breakfast plans yesterday and she texted him saying she was in town and asked if he wanted to hang out. I would have understood because she lives far away but he decided to hang out with me. He is still mad that she stood us up a couple months ago when he wanted her and I to meet. So idk, perhaps it's a one-sided thing. I thinks she felt weird meeting me and decided not to, but I think he's committed to me anyway.

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      • Mando
        11 years ago

        So she may be resisting meeting you as a couple? Huh. That's not jealousy on your part. Seems your bf knows which side his bread is buttered on and will catch on if she has thoughts of being more than friends. Guys can be a little slow that way though - being easily flattered by the attention. Good luck!

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  • KeddersPrincess
    11 years ago

    "I think I'm jealous of your girl friend
    Although, she's just a girl that is your friend
    I think I'm jealous of your girl friend
    She shares a special part of you"

    Sorry had to bring that song up. You're story reminded me so much of it.

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    • Maggles
      11 years ago

      One of my fave Canadians ;-)

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  • iEatZombies_
    11 years ago

    Meh. Screw that. Too complicated. Go get drunk, drunk dial him, yell and insult, wake up on your lawn with toilet paper stuck to your face (how'd that get there?), apologize for the night before, blame the liquor. Problem solved.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Nah, the problem's been solved without that much trouble but I'm wondering if I was nuts to get jealous. lol

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      • plum6
        11 years ago

        ofcourse you're not nuts to get jealous about this. From a guy's perspective I would say that your bf was probably sexually interested in this other girl at one point anyway, otherwise he would most likely not have bothered getting close to her in the first place, which can be pretty annoying.

        However, it could very well be that by now it really doesn't mean anything anymore at all. Honestly, if he was single he would probably still do her, but he seems very invested in you at this point, which I think would automatically make his friend far less of a priority.

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  • NeonLighterz
    11 years ago

    Lol, I would say it's either you or her. That's pretty shady.

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  • womanchild27
    11 years ago

    My husband had a girl bestfriend who got us together and in front of his face she would be nice to me, but behind his back, she would be telling me how she could have had him, but she gave him to me.

    My family and friends did not trust her ass, so as soon as she was a bitch to me in writting *through myspace* and I had proof she's a piece of shit, I showed my bf, *now husband* and she was ancient history.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      haha yeah. That won't happen between us because I don't talk to her. He is noticing how much of a "bitch" (his word, not mine) she's turning into though. I do see him choosing me over her though so it's fine. I'm not possessive, I want him to have friends. He also has a friend I met and she was so awesome (I wanted to steal her haha) but she's never been into him. The best friend I was talking about here did like him A LOT (probably loved him), and even though she has a bf she still seems weird. He even admitted that she calls to complain to him about things in a way that he does with me. SO IDK. I don't really care because he tells me and doesn't had things.

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  • PapzBSlim
    11 years ago

    This was your own doing. You need to learn to be there for him and just talk to him. Sometimes just listening when a person needs to be heard does wonders. Work on it and he will run to you for help first, before anyone else.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I do listen. It's the know-what-to-say that gets me.

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      • PapzBSlim
        11 years ago

        Just try and start by saying that you are there for him while he is telling you what is wrong. Let him know that every thing will be alright again.

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