Is it normal to be into someone so soon after leaving a relationship

First, a back story: I had a boyfriend for 3 years. It never should have lasted that long. I ended up leaving him after a little over 2 years. I broke up with him the "right" way. I told him all the feelings I had towards our relationship and how I lost that lovin' feeling. (I'm no cheater and I wouldn't put him through the torment of starting fights until he hated me.) We were apart for over 3 months and I ended up getting back with him because I wanted to believe the lies and promises. Another 3 months we had a drunken scream out and broke up for the night. We were on a 4 day vacation so we ended up making up because the friends with us convinced us to do it do it.

After coming back it didn't feel right again and I became depressed. For a moment I had hoped and thought a house might fix things and we began considering this. But I realized I was just making excuses for him. I made excuses for him through out our relationship. Next I'd be saying Marriage would fix things, then kids. Then we would have a lot more to lose than each other, and I'd probably die a bitter old woman regretting every decision I'd ever made.

I finally broke up with him again(a stressful, emotionally exhausting task) two months ago(we only lasted 3 more months after the vacation).

I'm feeling over it and we are getting separate apartments this month. This past year only 3 months were good between us and the rest felt like a long drawn out break up that never seemed to have end. I feel great now!(He is still very upset about the whole thing)

My PROBLEM is I like another guy already. I've known him almost 5 years. I had a crush on him early on, but he had a girlfriend. I ended up in a job transfer for a few years and met my now EX. I eventually transferred back but my loyalties blocked any feelings I had in the past for him because I was in love with my EX and happy.

In breaking up the first time, this other guy began stopping in to see me more and I felt good vibes that he liked me more than a friend(I got this on feeling and off in knowing him, but it was stronger then). He stopped coming in everyday(became once a week or less) when I got back with my ex and we spoke less(part my fault because I thought it was best).

Now I'm single and he's single and I feel like I don't want to miss the chance. He is everything I want in a man, different from my ex in many ways. He is smart, athletic, caring, family oriented. A real old fashioned charmer. He has motivation, a sense of responsibility, and is a good guy all around. As a plus, I find him super attractive.

I feel a connection with him I always looked for in my ex. It feels like Love, while I felt like a friend that kissed and cuddled and maybe had sex twice a month with my EX(If I was lucky. :( ).

When I see this other guy my heart feels like it's going to explode and I'm going to catch fire and pass out. And as terrible as it sounds and sometimes feels, I can't wait for it to happen again. I never felt that way with my EX. I want to wait a couple months more before trying to go for him, but I'm scared that it's not the right thing to do(considering my EX isn't over me).

Is it okay to try to move on after 4 months if I'm ready? Is it normal?
(Sorry, sorry, sorry! Long post.)

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 48 votes (40 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • steph678

    Do your thang girl..

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    • AnalyticalAm

      When the time is right. :) I'm feeling good about this. Thank you. :) Thanks everyone commenting. I don't feel like a terrible, heartless person for having feelings for someone so soon anymore. :)

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  • equanimity

    Seems like you were done with your ex a year ago, even though he's not over you yet and you dragged out your breakup over an entire year. But, you know what, that's not your problem anymore; his misery is his own. What you do with your personal life is entirely up to you. If you have feelings for someone else already, that's fine. And I don't think that you should allow your relationship with your ex determine the success of any of your future relationships with other men. Let go of that baggage and move on.

    Give the new guy a chance. If it works out, that's great. If it fizzles out, that's fine too.

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    • AnalyticalAm

      That's how I feel! It was over so long ago... I have a hard time with empathy. I feel bad killing bugs! There are a few sayings that are my mantra these days, "Never let kindness become a weakness", and "Make yourself"(Nike, but I love it still).

      I think I still feel weighed down because we live together. We work opposite schedule, so it works to a point. In conversation, everything turns into a parallel to his life.

      "The cat chose the box over me... Story of my life" -EX

      Me:"I was up late talking to my brother. He had secrets to tell me."

      Him: "I used to be someones VIP"

      EX: "Do you know how to say goodnight in sign language?"

      Me: "I can do more than that. I can say, "Goodnight. I'm tired. I need my soft, warm bed."."

      EX: "I wish I had a soft, warm bed" (He does. He has his own queen bed to sleep on. It's comfortable and he has lots of heavy blankets. One is even fuzzy.)

      He maintains he still wants to be friends, but its just a foot in the door. Its not going to happen. He thinks our life should be like a romance movie. Same formula: love, big break up, love forever after.

      I just can't wait to be in separate apartments. I don't want to be around that negativity and listen to anymore bitter quips. I feel like I'll be able to let go then, because I'm not sitting around getting frustrated with him acting like he's a victim. I just don't say anything back. It's bad enough living with my EX, it doesn't need to get worse.

      Honestly, I probably only have feelings for this other guy because he predates my EX. During my relationship I found I wasn't interested in anyone but my EX. Even now after him I see guys and recognize they are attractive, but I'm not attracted to them. If this guy doesn't work out it will probably be a good while before I think about guys romantically.

      Thank you! I appreciate the feed back! :)

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      • equanimity

        I find your story interesting as I've sort of experienced the same thing recently, sort of. I can relate to what you are going through. Your story also makes me feel stronger about my own story too. Thank you for sharing. :)

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  • jesusdiedlol

    I honestly think you haven't fully found yourself or given yourself enough time to heal. Learn to love yourself. What makes you think this guy won't end up treating you like crap later on? Just watch out for red flags and don't ignore them

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    • AnalyticalAm

      Well, the relationship ended for me months before I broke up with him the first time. I had indigestion all the time and was deeply depressed. It would feel wrong when he even kissed me on the cheek. It made my skin crawl. As soon as the holidays ended last year, it was like a sudden cliff that my emotions took a jump off of. It was a matter of finding the courage to say, "I didn't want this" to someone I had once loved. I felt a lot of empathy for him and he made me feel like I was ruining his life by wanting my own happiness. There was a lot of drama, but I knew in my heart it was right.

      All the depression wasn't because I didn't know what I wanted. I kicked myself for getting back with him. I knew it was wrong.

      I have learned to love myself and became the person I want to be over the past 5 years. I'm a soul searching kind of person. He was my first everything, so it made it hard for me to pick up on what was wrong in the relationship. I saw a lot of red flags and ignored them because I did understand the gravity of them. I just thought this was how relationships were or how guys were. The more it went on, the more wrong I felt being a part of it. I just couldn't recognize it early enough.

      I'm the kind of person who learns their mistakes. I didn't even cry this time when I broke up with him. It was just the right thing for me and my happiness.

      As for how I don't know if this next guy will treat me like crap, I don't. That could be said for any other guy out there. I just know now what I don't want and what to look out for.

      Thanks for your input! :) I'm happy to receive it! :)

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      • AnalyticalAm

        Also, I'm sorry. I seem to write books all the time. I just like to be thorough when I write.

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  • gashlover

    too long to read

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  • asomelord

    I think 3 months is plenty of time. I applaude you for never cheating and i think if you like someone you should go for it

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  • TareBear20

    Go for it.

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  • acm

    I'm going through the same thing. Perfectly normal!

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  • ccjigsaw

    Make sure guy #2 isn't a rebound. It sounds like someone you wouldn't want to hurt

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  • chatter289

    from the sounds of it your relationship did end up a while back and as you said you kept giving chances after chances. I think you had more time with me. After being with my ex (first love) for a year and a half but it was along distance one, usa/uk one. he went back to the states and we just kept drifting, him of course not me since i was doing everything in my power to get in touch with him but he just didnt bother. Anyway, he broke it off, and 2 weeks later i ended up dating this guys (now my current bf whom i have been with for 2 and a half years). I know it sounds harsh and mean but believe me, is suffered the aftermath badly WHILE in the relatioship with my current bf after a few months of going out.

    But this guy seems to make you happy and you seemed to have moved on so... go for it, dont let the opportunity pass you by.. good luck and all the best

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    • AnalyticalAm

      Thank you for your response! It was good to hear a story from experience. I'm sorry he broke it off with you, I hope you are more happy with your current boyfriend. I hope it worked out for the better. :)

      Thanks again. :)

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