Is it normal to be his second girl?

27% Normal
22 Comments

For about a year i lived with this guy i was deeply in love with..he broke up with me because i admitted to him i had slept with someone during the time we took a break...even though we were separated he continued to show me the same affection he did when we were together even though he was with a female which crushed me. I became homeless and he moved me in with his mom and little brother... I continued to still sleep with him and kiss him like we were together. When he would tell me to help him stop cheating on her i would reply and say ''how could i possibly do this when im so in love with you'' i stayed the second female just because i thought he loved me so much he would leave her and be with me again..i was wrong...but is it normal to be number 2?

Voting Results
27% Normal
Based on 55 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • shuggy-chan
    11 years ago

    Move on, that is all

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  • heart_keeper
    11 years ago

    Or should I say why's he still with her?! This is making me angry

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  • moomus
    11 years ago

    Sounds like he had his cake and was eating it too. He had no respect for ether of you. Learn from your mistakes and move on. It's normal to a degree but not normal if you continue to make the same mistakes

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    • MilleBornes
      11 years ago

      sounds like she put herself in that predicament. He still has feelings but can't trust her enough to leave his current girl. and for what? For someone who will jump to the next guy whenever they just need to work things out? lol seems she wanted her cake and eat it too.

      They were taking a break, he wanted to show he was what she needed, she slept...scratch, fucked, someone else, he found out, by her, and he was devastated. They officially broke off, as soon as she couldn't make it she went to him, not fuck buddy, which we, all men, are sure still in the area laughing at you, the man, for being a sucker Hell they probably still get together. Anyway, she goes to the ex who has someone now. Is no one seeing that she just wants whatever she can get? he's the confused lover here. He didn't call het number two. He calls her, bet, "The woman I think I still love, who needs 'help' but I'm not sure about trusting her again"

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      • JayPr'zBaddest
        11 years ago

        Well yes i slept with another man when i was on a supposed ''break'' and i was honest and let him know so that before we started dating again it could have been cleared..i thought of his feelings and he expected me to wait a year or so sothat we could have been together again..he was undecided and couldnt figure out what he wanted...he loved me but wasnt sure if i was the right one...but hes better now...thank god without me! lol

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  • 12345678oct
    11 years ago

    Here's my insight: You shouldn't settle to be number 2. The right person will see you as number 1 under all conditions. As a girl who's been number 2 for too long (and by that, I don't mean I was making a guy cheat on another girl, but my ex would tell me during our relationship that he liked other girls more, so they were technically number 1), I know what it's like. There's a lingering hope that he will love you and treat you right like he once did; deep down, you know that he can't do this. That's not to say you're unlovable by any means! Never doubt your worth, please! All it means is that he isn't good enough for you. He lacks the capacity that Mr. Right has... And that capacity is to appreciate, love unconditionally, and treat someone as special as you like a princess. By giving your love away so freely, you're casting pearls before swine; meaning you're giving something so precious as love to a man who can't appreciate it and doesn't have the decency to treat you with respect. If you do this for too long, like I did, it makes it harder for you to recognize how precious and important you actually are to the right man. It lowers your self-value, makes you feel inadequate, worthless, depressed, and constantly on edge. When you're as loving as you are, it's tough not to give it away, but it should be coming both ways... Love needs reciprocity. Finding reciprocity is tough, but in my case, what worked best was moving on. Everyone works differently, thoguh, and I hope you are happy with whatever you decide to do and that you find someone who truly appreciates and loves you, because we all deserve it.

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    • MilleBornes
      11 years ago

      soooo, while you're all "I am woman hear me roar" did you forget, she slept with someone else and that's why they broke off? lol

      He obviously wants her but doesn't feel he can trust her. He's actually only disrespectful of his number 1. The creator of this subject put herself in this predicament. Men have feelings as well and she disrespected them

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      • 12345678oct
        11 years ago

        Why should anyone settle to be second best when there's someone out there who will treat them like they're valuable? That's all I'm saying. Not "I am woman hear me roar". He deserves to feel loved too. Everyone does, like I said.

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        • MilleBornes
          11 years ago

          What I read mostly, through all of these comments as well as yours, were posters all taking her side saying"you deserve more", "he's doing you wrong", "you shouldn't take that", "he doesn't appreciate you".

          Had this been his current gf who posted this, then those answers would be legit as it is his current gf who's been done wrong as she has no idea what's happening between this poster and him.

          While it is true that everyone should find that someone, we must remember that he did his part for her, they took a break and during that break she slept with someone else. She explained how during the "break" he acted as if they were still together, proving that he kept trying, but obviously she wanted her cake and eat it too scenario. She could have then made it very clear where she stood on the "let's take a break" situation

          However she waited until they both wanted to try again. Basically, after she had her fill of being pampered by him and dicked down by others, unbeknownst to him. When she told him finally, how does he know that it's all over between her and whoever she "slept" with? How does he know it's not the person that he works with, sees everyday, family member, etc? That info isn't given and it makes a hell of a lot difference.

          Ok. So he couldn't trust someone that would take his love and time, while keeping something that important a secret until she felt it was time to tell. He moved on. While with his now gf, the woman who created this post, became homeless , she's basically in need. She comes to him, why? Where's the guy she "slept" with? Where are her family members? Friends? She knew that he was starting a new life without her and she didn't want that and plays on the feelings that he still has for her.

          All of the advice that you and others are giving THIS post creator should go to his current gf as she is the only one who deserves it. She has no clue about this situation somehow. idk. Point is, he's not doing wrong to this poster. He's just falling, has fell into her trap.

          She's not looking for sympathy She's looking to see if her actions are accepted. And no we shouldn't accept what she has done, but everyone is and is blaming the male for "playing" her. WHY?

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          • MilleBornes
            11 years ago

            She put herself at number two. She had number one spot and obviously didn't want it. Try to NOT forget that.

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            • 12345678oct
              11 years ago

              Which is why I'm reminding her not to settle to be number two. Had he posted it, I'd tell him to find someone who appreciates him better too. I can see we won't agree on this, so I'm just going to stop here. Hopefully the creator will find a way out of this dilemma.

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  • MCA
    11 years ago

    I wish you the very best, you deserve it!!!

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  • JayPr'zBaddest
    11 years ago

    i def. moved on and engaged now thank u

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  • MCA
    11 years ago

    Do I understand correctly you were with someone else while you both took a break from each other?

    If that is the case, then you were not together and you were both open to be intimate with someone else. I am certain if he had been presented the opportunity at that point in time he would have taken it; like he is taking advantage of the fact that you still love him and is having sex with you and her.

    You were honest with him by telling him that you were with someone else when you both took a break from each other and he should have been man enough to forgive you or fully let you go.

    Sweetie, you can do better than this! You need to build up your self-esteem, move into your own place or with someone other than his family. Go out with your friends and start meeting other people. You deserve someone that will not play games with you and take advantage of you.

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    • MilleBornes
      11 years ago

      or maybe he was presented with the opportunity and declined it. yes, we men do decline pussy for love. she explained how he still treated her the same as if they were together so what makes you assume he's taking advantage? isn't that what she was doing? She went to him, not her family friends or fling when she was "homeless" She knew he was with someone and took advantage of the fact that he still had feelings for her

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  • Sog
    11 years ago

    Why don't you ask the other girl how it feels to be number one?

    "Hello number one, I'm number two. How's it going? Did you ever notice Jack's schlong hangs slightly to the left? Interesting isn't it?"

    What a great bonding experience for the two of you.

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    • JayPr'zBaddest
      11 years ago

      haha i defiantly though of doing that but the outcome would have been bad lol

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  • heart_keeper
    11 years ago

    What a douche... Why did he ever get with her in the first place?

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  • MilleBornes
    11 years ago

    Remember, everyone, you cheated while taking a break. Ok, now he has feelings for you, but when he thinks of leaving her for you he thinks that everytime something goes wrong, you'll just pick up with someone else.

    Everyone wants to take the female's side like men have no feelings.

    You seem to regret losing his trust, realizing you want him, and voluntarily torturing yourself with being number 2. For both of you, it's not healthy. He should leave you alone, and you should realize it's over. If you get together again, appreciate him and maybe see a therapist because he will still not trust you. Let him choose the therapist with NO guidance from you or he'll accuse you of cheating with the therapist.

    As I said, you two should stop the sexual contact and find if you could just be friends. if not, then it seems a purely unhealthy sexual relationship. If he gets caught he'll be with you, right? ok, but he won't trust you. That'll lead to accusations and arguments. Maybe push you to do it again, the cycle continues. Be friends and start over again as mature adults

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    • JayPr'zBaddest
      11 years ago

      yes he had feelings..lots. but if i would have just kept it from him then what kind of women does that make me? i was being honest and he couldnt take it

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      • MilleBornes
        11 years ago

        lol you're right for telling him. doesn't erase the fact that you did it in the first place. We all want happy endings, but sometimes the reality is there may not be one. I believe you can get past this by simply starting completely over as friends, not FUCK buddies. it'll take time, but do not listen to these women who talk down on him. You're the one who made this situation. it IS your fault. accept it, and be patient and be honest with yourself first. do you see yourself with someone else when things get rough again? if so, find a man who doesn't care.

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