Is it normal to be happy that my sister died, because now i'm free?
When I was four, my sister was born with Cerebral Palsy. Almost immediately, both of my parents had to step out of my life to use all of their time and energy to care for her (partly because there weren't very many services in our area, my Dad made too much money and they might have been unaware of what was available altogether. Also, for moral reasons as well).
My Mom stayed at home and cared for her and my Dad helped when he wasn't at work. Even though we had health insurance, the bills for everything it didn't cover added up, and my Mom was forced to take a night job so she could help pay the bills and continue caring for my sister during the day. The stress of this, along with her own health problems (her Type 1 Diabetes) caused her to snap. Someone found her in a parking lot, overdosed on pills, she had tried to kill herself and was almost successful.
After she got out of the hospital, she just left. We don't know where she went, or how she maintained her diabetes without using her health insurance, because even though we filed missing person's reports, she could not be located for two years. At that time, I was 10, and after speaking with my Grandmother about the strain this was causing my Dad, to have to hire nurses and pay more bills to care for her, we convinced him to let me independently study, pull me out of school and classify me as being homeschooled, so I could care for my sister.
Eventually my Mom came back after living on various streets, shelters and friends. She would not return to our house though, the doctor that treated her in the hospital said she suffered from a psychotic break and she no longer acted like our Mother. She is around, but not here.
I am now 20, and have been going to college online. My entire LIFE has revolved around my sister, who can barely speak or do for herself, for the past 10 years. She had a stroke a few weeks ago, and I did all I could but I could not save her. She was resuscitated, but she was pronounced brain dead afterwards and had to be taken off life support.
I want to be sad, because that is my sister, but looking at all of the damage her condition has done to our family... I feel guilty for the first thoughts after her death being all of the things that I can do now, I can go to college, go wherever I want, have a girlfriend, have friends and a social life now that she's gone. My life is no longer about her, I can live for myself! How wrong is it for me to feel this way?