Is it normal to be friends with my 15 year old daughter's friend?

10 Comments

My 15 year old daughter has a friend(also a 15 year old girl). I've become very close to this friend, consider her almost like a daughter. We have dozens of similar geeky interests.

Her own father hasn't been around since she was very little, and after seeing how well I treat my own kids, she has said she wished I could have been her dad. Since I enjoy being a dad, and my daughter said she doesn't mind 'sharing' me, I've told this friend that I don't mind stepping in as a father figure sometimes.

I am very affectionate to my kids, frequent hugs, and I tell them I love them frequently also. This friend, seeing me be that way with my kids, has said that she wished her dad was around to be like that with her. I have also started to extend some of this to the friend. Hugs. And I've told her that I love her like a daughter. Sometimes, when she comes over, if we're all watching TV, she'll want to sit next to me and lean over on me.
My son and I play D&D on a regular basis on Wednesdays, and this friend and her mother have started to join us because they both enjoy the game. but, my daughter is just not really interested in the game.

My wife is concerned about boundaries.
The young girl's mother has said SHE does not have issue with how I've treated her daughter. She appreciates the love and care my family has given to her daughter. Particularly how I've stepped in as a dad her daughter hasn't had.

Am i completely out of line?
Even if it's not 'typical', is it acceptable? but still be mindful of how others may see it

Am I completely out of line? 13
is it acceptable, but be careful/mindful of how others may see it? 79
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Comments ( 10 )
  • REvEnGE
    12 years ago | pl

    Wow. What an amaizing lovely relation. This is the best post i have read here. Its totally normal. But one thing,'make sure ur wife and daughter are ok with it,'

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    • thewife
      12 years ago

      "Make sure your wife and daughter are ok with it"... very important words IMO..

      what if one isn't?

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  • beastie
    12 years ago

    Sadly, in today's society you are guilty until proven innocent.
    There seems to be no such thing as people believing in kindness any more.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    I think its wonderful.

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  • thewife
    12 years ago

    To add to his original question... I found "I love you" "I miss you" "I hope we can get together" messages from him to her... I also found a message that stated "maybe we can find a way to cuddle with no one getting upset". Her sitting on his lap, his choosing to ride in the back seat with her (Way back 3rd seat in our van at least once)... and most of this was AFTER I let him know I was uncomfortable with how their relationship was becoming.
    I do agree.. he is a fantastic man and generous and kind.. however there are boundaries that were crossed.

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    • Mrman10
      12 years ago

      It's all fine.

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  • Crudhouse
    12 years ago

    Only you know whether it's appropriate. Every male is attracted to every female on some level. Make sure it doesn't effect your relationship and you're fine.

    You can even be attracted to family members if all your inhibitions are taken down, so it all depends on how your mind is structured.

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  • truecheese
    12 years ago

    It is not typical because most people are not as kind hearted and generous as you. It is absolutely acceptable, she is a young girl without a father figure in her life, and what's better than becoming part of her best friends family? There is no problem with the way you treat her, it is almost like she is halfway adopted as your own. I have some friends that have had family issues and moved in with their best friends. They have a parent and child relationship with the friends parents and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. You're doing a good thing.

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    • thewife
      12 years ago

      Our 15 year old daughter does not spend much time with this friend or talk to her often. They have been good friends but IMO they are not as close as they once were.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        12 years ago

        yes, they both realize they have drifted apart as friends. but, both of them have expressed that they want to get together more often.

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