Is it normal to be excluded by friends/flatmates

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6 Comments

Hi, this is my first post, so I'm not sure how it works...
I was wondering whether its normal for my friends and flatmates to exclude me from their social gatherings. We've only been flatmates for about a month, but one of my friends, included in this group I've know for 2 years, and get on well with him, and I feel I get on with the others well too.
We'll do the occasional thing together, mainly playing Xbox , but they seem to exclude me a bit from their social lives, whereas they go out with each other a lot of the time (though some were flatmates the previous year)
For example, they've been to clubs together, out into town and played card games together in the lounge in the last few days without even mentioning it to me, and some of them are things I'd like to have done, but would feel like I was intruding since I feel they must have consciously decided not to include me if they'd asked each other.
Thanks for your help. :)

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64% Normal
Based on 14 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • victorygin
    8 years ago

    Well first of all, not all flatmates will want to socialise with each other. Usually it's the opposite; they see enough of each other at home so they don't want to always be hanging out together.
    That said, it sounds like you're good friends with at least one of these people, and you're feeling excluded.
    It's most likely not a conscious effort on their part. I doubt they're trying to exclude you, but they probably just forgot to ask or didn't give it a second thought. So don't take it personally.

    I think you should a) make sure you have some other, outside friends to hang out with and keep you busy. If you're out doing things, the housemates will think you're popular and cool and want to hang out with you more. And if not, then you'll be out having fun anyway.

    And b) Put forward your fun/happy side, jump in and hang out with them more, or suggest fun things to do. Be proactive solution. You've gotta make some effort as well, and maybe it's just a matter of getting to know them better. Get drunk with them.

    The ones that have lived together before are probably just used to each other and content in their little group, and maybe it'll just take a little time spent hanging out for them to warm to you.

    But, if you sense that they really don't want to hang out, then don't push it. It's totally normal even for good friends to get sick of each other, *especially when living together* so don't take it personally.
    And you definitely don't want to be the needy person trying to force things on people; that'll just make it worse.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Thank you very much for this advice, I'll try it and see what happens.

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  • Steve2.0
    8 years ago

    Child, you have no requirement to focus on such trivial things as that.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      That sounds a bit patronising, but maybe I misunderstand. I know quite well that I don't have need for these things, and in fact, I'm not particularly bothered about doing them, but I feel like the fact that I'm excluded from them says something.

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  • seaturtle
    8 years ago

    Give them some more time to get to know you.

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  • LittleGirlBrutallySodomized
    8 years ago

    You are either socially awkward to them or you need to show interest in their social gatherings and inquire so they will invite/welcome you. Perhaps the ladder would be best.

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