Is it normal to be empty?

Hope this isn't going to happen.

*poop*

It seems like an eternity to me, but I must admit that I can hardly remember earlier times. An approach to believe that I once felt differently gives me a small collection of memories and scraps of words that have remained with me. I remember that I used to be called "grinning cat" and "fighting sausage". There are many things that I am told, that I can't remember, that suggest that the impression of emotional emptiness was quite different. That despite my childhood I was an active flash of light for a very long time, or as they say, a bundle of energy with a lot of positive tension. If I were to make an assessment based on information and pictures, it would have to be a minimum of 1.5 years and a maximum of 4 years. If I had not moved out, my acquaintances might have been able to help me with the determination. All they tell me now is that I am "special", which is as meaningful as moldy cheese.
Turning points. There have been a few unpleasant events in my life, which probably all contributed to the current position, but a real turning point, hm, I don't know. For the sake of overview, I can name a few of the events, none of them fits the beginning of the void in terms of time. As a small child I experienced many arguments from my parents and their separation, I was beaten, beaten up, lied to, cheated, harassed, teased and abused in other ways very often at primary school age, the separation of my parents was followed by the founding of a new family with new siblings who became much more important at that time. At the age of 16/17 there was an incident that I still cannot classify to this day. I had just finished my internship, it was six o'clock in the evening. At the crossroads on my way I noticed a creepy drunk man who wanted to tell me something incomprehensible and grab my arm. I ran away. I don't know if he caught me after all or lost sight of me. That was one of my first panic attacks. Something told me that he wanted to hurt me. Had nightmares for months about it and what could have happened and what might have happened. The last memory of the day was that I totally panicked, locked myself in the bathroom, hyperventilated and was pretty jumpy and suspicious the rest of the day. You're right. It's impossible not to feel anything at all. Even if your skin is numb, you can still feel that it's numb. The only "emotions" I have left are fear and nervousness. Sometimes slight touches of suspicion, disappointment and anger, but the latter are more likely to be felt by people around me. Usually people who already know me. Others perceive me as serious, distant, and consider me lazy and arrogant. This is complete nonsense, especially because it comes from people who only know me from work in almost half a year, where most of the time I prefer to distance myself from them, if that is possible. I feel uncomfortable with them.
After this incident, strange situations arose again and again. Maybe that was the turning point in the whole thing. That would make it six years. But after that the emptiness can't come right away, because for a long time I thought that I wasn't real and that's why people mostly ignore me. I really don't know.
I'm sorry if my answer is unclear or confusing.

Emotionally. Don't even feel depressed or anything. Just nothing but slightly anxious. And that whole day.

If I walk there anytime soon I'll do