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how will know enough is enough? does it not scare you to let go and regret it? how can you move on from someone who meant so much to you?
I love my boyfriend, but sometimes I wonder... Is this love really worth all that I sacrifice for it? Sometimes it feels like a huge gamble and I'm all in. I wonder how much it has blinded me. The years are not even proof of its value. It's so much easier to just love my friends and family because with them I'm not putting my entire life on the table. When they do me wrong it is never as big a deal as when my boyfriend lets me down, even if it's the exact same wrongdoing. I could fist fight my sister and we're laughing and making fun of each other within an hour. However, an insult thrown at me by my boyfriend can stick with me for years. I wonder if someday we will evolve past this idea of romantic love as we are doing with religion because we will never be able to prove it's existence. At most, we can understand our own feelings (to an extent) and the feelings we define in ourselves as love. It scares the hell out me that I will never know if his feelings are "love" as I define them within myself, like tommythecat's feelings of possession and lust.
Are we, as humans, really meant to be romantically obligated to one person in sickness and health until death do us part? Or is this just another form of brainwashing, like religion? This love that I feel for him seems to cause more negative emotions than necessary and it has changed me as a person and I don't like it. It has made me jealous, envious, depressed, angry, resentful... I'm more negative now than I've ever been. I keep telling myself these feelings are temporary and one day it will all be worth it. Maybe I just have trust issues. Anyhow, yes, it's normal to be dumb when it comes to love, perhaps because love is dumb itself.
Well I'm an odd case so not very helpful.
I think I love her, I act like I do, then I realise it isn't love, then I become mean because it wasn't what I thought it was. I think my "idea" of love is more possession/lust than anything, but I'm unaware of the difference during those times, like I forget and get mad when it isn't working. When a relationship breaks down I keep thinking about how much it sucks and how sad I am at losing it, but the second I find someone else that strikes a chord I feel fine. And to forget a feeling so strong so quickly cannot be love, only my brain fighting for possession. I am often really nasty to people, and feel totally normal while being so, then I remember that what I'm doing is wrong afterwards. I seem to forget myself daily, I seem to forget what love is and replace it with something I can claim as love. I've been told I smile while I'm arguing with people, but I don't feel happy at the time. I seriously think that my conscience self and feelings are detached. I've never been able to feel with any consistency that didn't peter out in minutes. It's like a show for people. Look at me "I'm a human too" type of thing. I'm thinking it's all connected.
Yeah I'm deeply in love with this girl n every time I'm next 2 her I act like a 5 year old