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Is disrespect by others something that everyone has to endure on a regular basis? Or
1. Am I a loser?
2. Do I have a horrible family?
3. Do I surround myself by unkind people?
4. Live in a posh suburb full of wankers?
You must open yourself up to it (aka deserve it or bring it upon yourself) if it happens all the time. Or, you're being overly sensitive and haughty and take any kind of criticism, joke or jab as an offense. Or a combination of those scenarios.
99% of how people perceive (and treat) us is determined by how we perceive ourselves.
No one touches a painting in the Smithsonian because it's treated with value and that causes others to treat it with value. But if you saw that same random painting in a flee market, resting up against a wall you'd probably poke, prod, and mess with the painting wouldn't you?
Change how you perceive yourself and you'll find people change with you.
Very good point but in our culture (UK) it is considered very unattractive to hold yourself up too high. It's part of our culture to be self-deprecating. It makes others feel less intimidated and thus more comfortable with you. They say you can either choose to be loved or choose to be feared/admired/respected but very few people can pull off both (Obama in 2008?)
How do you reconcile all that with your points? They both have merit.
"Loved or feared"
Obama may have parroted it (I'm not sure), but that quote stems from Niccolo Machiavelli.
Cultures can put forward what values they want (self-deprecation) but it doesn't change human nature. There's something within man that's designed to see others as they see themselves.
And arrogance does not equate to pride.
Arrogance is when you move beyond your station and think too highly of yourself. There is no arrogance in assuming respect from your peers.
Sorry - I didn't make it clear that I was giving Obama as an example of someone who achieved both love, admiration, fear and respect back in 2008 but even Obama can't pull that off anymore.
I actually coined the quote myself (and a lot of people have agreed with me, hence "they say") but of course it's not an original thought.
I was definitely influenced by Macchiavelli's "The Prince". I've read small parts of it and a synopsis of his ideology. Works like Sun Tsu's "Art of War" and "The Prince" used to scare me (perhaps I was brought up too Catholic - "the meek will inherit the earth") but now I realise that these works are only holding a mirror up to the dark side of human nature that is in all of us and that's OK.
Early Christian theology refers to two kinds of pride - hubris (bad pride) and, for want of a word, "good pride", the pride you feel when you've done a good job and you feel immense satisfaction.
What exactly do you mean by "There's something within man that's designed to see others as they see themselves" ? I see people like great world leaders and they're nothing like me. But then again, when I was an alcoholic, I thought that everybody must also secretly be alcoholics because I didn't understand how anyone could survive without it.
In our culture, we get a lot of laughs out of deprecating ourselves. It's part of our sense of humour. And we can't live without that! What to do?
Everyone has been disrespected at one point or another in their lives, but the how they disrespect you isn't normal. What are you doing that makes people think they can do these things to you?!
well what the hell are you doing that makes people disrespect you so much?
I'm not sure about 4. I live in a suburb which seems to be fairly posh (average earnings £100k a year) and the vast majority of people and nice, considerate and not judgemental.