Is it normal to be depressed but not all the time?am i even depressed?

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Well, long story short since i was little, i cant remember how far back but i know for a very long time I feel ive had issues with depression. when i was little i remember wanting to be alone and by myself a lot of the time, but i also remember wanting to be around my friends a lot, and then on the other hand again, being bullied a lot, feeling no one loved me. blahblahblah, and now being almost 19 im still the same way. im very social and love people, but i'll be okay for a few months, and then randomly i'll just go for a month or 2 of feeling completely depressed. i'll randomly start to cry, and become very sensitive, frustrated even angry and physically lash out no matter where i am. being a female and doing martial arts for about a year and a half now( going for my blue belt soon) i fear i will hurt myself or someone else during practice like i almost did the other night. i dont know what triggers these emotions and physical attributes, like crying, shaking, over eating, and over sleeping and feeling exhausted.
However, something has been bugging me a lot lately. i remember being young, maybe grade 2 or 3 and having my first dreams of sexual activity. like touching and oral sex, but others doing it to me. very strange dreams, the person carrying out these actions never a real person, but a monster or a character of some sort. i always feared these dreams but became very curious and tried to figure out why in the dreams i was afraid and always tied up or something and why in real life when i did it to myself it felt better. so at a very young age i started "exploring"... i always felt very very guilty and afraid that someone would catch me doing those actions. so i became quite secretive and shy about those topics. i remember thinking i'd never forgive myself if anyone found out. in grade 4 i remember staying up late and watching tv just to watch the inappropriate sex shows and then as i got older, maybe grade 7 exploring the internet. i still even feel incredibly ashamed.
anyway, i dont know if that has some sort of connection to it all, but what i fear the most is thinkning that something might have happened to me when i was very young and started having those dreams. i mean, how can you dream about something thats never happened to you or that you havent seen? i feel so confused, and frustrated about it all and im trying to figure it out as best i can.

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64% Normal
Based on 42 votes (27 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • thehopelessromantic
    11 years ago

    i try to go out, i work a lot to make money to go to school and pay for my martial arts, car, phone and other stuff along with that i also work at the dojo i do sport at. im the same way, i have maybe one good friend but no actual friend group or truly family like friends. my family is divorced, my mom dad and step dad are all cops for the same department and its hard to feel normal sometimes because i cant go to parties and stuff or anything, not that i would go and get drunk all the time or whatever but not having the choice bothers me since i consider myself an adult. t makes me feel trapped and disregarded. i haven't had much luck with boys.. i mean i've been in relationships but i've had to turn guys down because all they want is sex, and im christian and ive had many compliments and little relationships here and there but never had a boyfriend or a guy or any male role model for that matter actually make me a priority. i feel alone in a crowded room full of horn dogs so to speak.

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  • Aliceee93
    11 years ago

    Well I'm a female and I am 19. As a child I was very happy and now I feel like depressed I always had friends at school but was bullied I live out in the country so not many people around and I do go out much do you? I feel so lonely, I cry every month for no reason I get angry in my self it's really odd, I'd like to have a good friend but I don't have any good real true friends and I feel that it is depressing me cause I feel alone and unloved, unwanted

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    • shuggy-chan
      11 years ago

      Hug =D

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  • Heffalump
    11 years ago

    First of all, I can't believe that no one has commented/voted on this already.
    Secondly, I have a little experience with mental illness, both personally and with regards to relatives. What you described in the first paragraph sounds like it could be a mild form of bipolarity. It would be best to try not to get too worked up over it (after all, my hypothesis may very well be wrong; I am no medical professional), but a visit to the doctors might be a good idea.
    The sex dreams and masturbation, even at such a young age, are probably normal. I had similar experiences in my childhood. (Having said that though, I was mentally ill in my teens; perhaps there is a correlation of some sort.) Anyway, it seems that some people become sexualised much earlier than others; I hope that, in your case, there is nothing more to it than faster-than-average sexual maturation and the curiousity of a healthy mind.
    All the best :)

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