Is it normal to be confused?

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9 Comments

Thanks for taking a minute to check this out I need advice. Details, im a guy 24 she is 21 and we began seeing each other as the college semester ended.

I would describe myself as a suave serial monogamist others may use different terms(I don't cheat and I don't promise anything I would break). Easily charm girls, women are just amazing. Long term, short term, mid term hah I've had many many relationships and bam I hit a fucking brick wall full speed.

She is a naturally beautiful (e.g. doesn't wear or need makeup) girl who is modest, easy going, and rivals me on an intellectual level. She would seem like the easiest person to talk to yet I stutter or mentally blank, she gives me butterflies, and it sucks I don't want to hurt her or myself at this point?

So I haven't slept with her which has now made the nervousness worse... god forbid I don't sleep with every girl on the first night. I kissed her on new years but she showed up late after I blacked out sorry for partying so I'm not sure what we talked about.

To make it simple - I'm scared that I for the first time in years I am falling deeply in love so I keep riding the breaks to keep our relationship from moving. Right now the door is wide open and the question is how to continue? If we keep going she's gf worthy or bow out politely and pull my life together? Advice or experience would be appreciated.

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77% Normal
Based on 13 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • AnalyticalAm
    12 years ago

    I think it just means that you like her a lot(The fabled love at first sight), and really want this to work out. You are being extra cautious of all your actions, including finding the right words to say. You don't want to jump at her and scare her away. You don't want to say the wrong thing and sound stupid. You don't want to talk too much about yourself at the risk of sounding conceded or boring(depending on the topic). You don't want to talk about her too much at the risk of making yourself vulnerable by sounding CRAZY into her.

    Maybe try small talk and build off it. I mean, you kissed her. Did she kiss anyone else, or do you think she is the type to just kiss people? She probably likes you, maybe she isn't sure if you are the type to go around kissing people without needing a reason?

    Maybe cautiously put yourself out there. Give her a "Does he...?" Moment. Do you have any "Does she...?" Moments? Where you think she just hinted to you she likes you more than just a friend?

    Touch is another way people show interest. Does she make excuses to touch you or your clothing? Touch you as she walks around you or near you? You could do that too. If she wears bracelet, touch it(as if inspecting or admiring it) as you compliment it, instead of just saying it's nice. If you are still playing safe, stick with arms, hands, shoulders, back. This doesn't mean get all handsy and making any excuse to touch, even if you are touching safe places. Don't linger if you aren't sure how she feels about it at all, she could get weirded out. Maybe 2 seconds. Full seconds feel long if it means something, good or bad.

    As for freezing: When you see her, breath. Relax. Get focused. Smile and be happy. Try to stay casual. Start with "Hey, How is your day going?" or "What's going on?" Then build. Or weather, then build. Current event, then build. Stay flexible. Don't plan the conversation, you can't predict every possible answer. It can blindside you, you could lose momentum and maybe even freeze, ending the conversation.

    Good luck! Hope this helped, update if things start working out for you two!

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    • iindia
      12 years ago

      I lied just no way I could next her. Just an update. She is a bit more shy than I am and difficult to read. Not the random kissing type from what I know think she is cautious of me though I can get very wild :).Been loosening up and caring less about what I say so the conversations have become random and goofy. Just friends exploring if there is more right now. Hey if nothing else I have another great friend right? Ha. The funny thing is I've known of her for awhile but I had a long term girlfriend at the time so we never had a moment. Ever since I've been single for the last year and a half with a few random flings. Then our friends had her bring me to a "social event" where I first really talked to her. For me it just clicked, she made me laugh. All I need in life. Its a long trip alone.

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    • iindia
      12 years ago

      Wow A+ response thank you. 100% on all the material and you picked out the major flaw that subconsciously I have know about and ignored. No kinesthetics which is a big part of emotionally connecting. I'm at a different point in my life and want to share it with someone... plenty of fish in the sea. Next!

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  • Avant-Garde
    12 years ago

    Only you'll know.

    I'm sorry,but I read through this very quickly and now I'm bizarrely confused....

    Tell her how you feel or go to couples consoling.

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    • Alison89
      12 years ago

      What? Go to couples ccounseling? He's nervous around her because he likes her and he doesn't know what to do about it.

      I say, just give it some time, don't rush things, and try not to be too nervous. If anything, he should just tell her that he likes her and he enjoys spending time with her.

      And "Only you'll know?" Sometimes you know. Sometimes, it takes some work.

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      • Avant-Garde
        12 years ago

        How right you're!

        Like I said, I read it quite quickly so, I probably didn't consume enough of the stories information.

        "Only you'll know" Sometimes you know, but sometimes you don't. Sometimes you think that you don't know, but in reality you really do. It depends on how you view it.

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  • iindia
    12 years ago

    Excuse me for not being coherent. I could not sleep, it was 5am had work at 7am, and this was the only way to get it off my mind.

    My problem is I freeze around her, losing my words. Am I Trying too hard?. Is it normal to freeze up this much? Does this imply I am forcing this to work? Do other extroverts experience this?

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    • Avant-Garde
      12 years ago

      I wouldn't really know, because I'm an introvert. From what you say here, I wouldn't say that you're trying too hard. People freeze up around people they are attracted to, it doesn't matter if you're are an extrovert or not. You're nervous. When we like people, they sometimes force us to gain introspection on ourselves. Just try to relax and clear your mind. Then, try to get to know her better:)

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  • DannyKanes
    12 years ago

    Sooooo, what's confusing you? :/

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