Is it normal to be attracted to my boyfriend's friend?

84% Normal
4 Comments

I am happy with my boyfriend and do not want our relationship to end. Yet, I am so drawn to his friend. Can't get him out of my head, despite my years of trying. The three of us always hang out together and I can't help but think this guy might like me too, seeing as he hasn't had a girlfriend (or anything even close) in the 5+ years I've been spending time with him (and my boyfriend together). Whenever he talks about women in front of me its always like I'm "one of the guys", yet sort of testing me like maybe I'll be jealous if he shows interest in another girl. Sometimes I get along better with him on an intellectual level than my boyfriend, we have inside jokes and when we get talking, we can't stop. Our sense of humor is simular. Then again, I have never said anything to him, or my boyfriend, about any of this. I don't know for sure, but I got an anonymous message saying someone was interested in me but couldn't act on it, and I think it was him. Probably when he was going through a tough time and possibly drunk. Its like we have an un-spoken agreement between us...recognizing our mutual attraction and also the fact that nothing can be done about it, so why bring it up? We could never hurt my boyfriend. But when I'm near his friend its almost like an unbearable electricity, magnetic. I'm drawn to him. And then we're forced to repel. The only way I've found to forget it is not to see him. I can go months without caring if I don't see him but then the second he makes a joke I get and my boyfriend doesn't, the second he does something subtly and almost regrettably romantic, it all comes back. its like he actually TRIES to not like me, and I try not to like him. I will go through phases of convincing my boyfriend not to bring him with us places, just to avoid the awkwardness of the attraction I feel. Anyone else got a simular story?

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84% Normal
Based on 263 votes (221 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • wowmemy
    13 years ago

    yep I so know what you mean, except that I'ld be the guy in picture. Here is one scenario. I've got a friend who's got his gf. Now sometimes I see him try to be all nice and attract this girl and then I can just come up and make some random crazy joke and she'll find it really funny. See, the thing is I aint really interested in her, so it is so easy to attract her. It is kind of like soccer, when you are on the pitch it is hard to know what to do, but if you are watching you can easily say this guy should have done this or that.
    So my advice to you is to stick your bf, cuz I'm sure if ever you leave him for his friend you'ld find that his friend will stop being as attactive as he used to be cuz he will be the one in the game now.
    also, guys do like competition. he might just be trying to attract you for his own pride just to know that anything his buddy can do he can do too.

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  • BlueJeans92
    11 years ago

    ALSO... (for me) it is partly a pitty attraction. That desire to comfort someone that you know is hurting while puting up a front and running from their own emotions. I want to shake him, tell him to put down the bottle and stop running from life!!

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  • BlueJeans92
    11 years ago

    I'm going through this... But I know that the attraction is not physical or even really emotional. He's the last person I'd ever have a relationship with. It is the 'high school girl attracted to the bad boy' attraction. (I'm 24 years old. Have a son with my boyfriend of 7 years). When I first met this guy (bfs friend), I hated him. With good reason! He has since been married and divorced from a friend of mine. Lately we've been spending more time with him. On the one hand, he still irritates me to no end. And on the other his personality is just ever-so slightly attractive. And I think allot of the attraction that has recently sturred up also has to do with how well he interacts with my son. Do not make too much of it in your own mind. We are all interested in what's new and have all kinds of attractions to different people. My boyfriend and I have a pretty open relationship in that, we know that either of us is honestly 'looking' at others of the opposite sex. We talk about it, we joke about it. And that way we don't have secrets, we don't have jealousy. I would never put myself in a situation where I was alone with this guy. Why? I don't trust him. Never have. And I can't say that he has enough self respect or strong enough morals that he wouldn't betray his best friend by trying something. I'd like to think that he wouldn't. And I can't say that he is attracted to me, but he is the kind of guy that will take anything that's willing to give in. Always trying to get with anyone who looks like they might be interested.
    Yes it's normal... and my advice, take wowmemy's advice coming from a guy being honest about how guys work.
    Know that it is 'normal' but also that it means absolutely nothing except that you are human. You're in a long-term relationship that is not worth saccryficing over something that has absolutely no certainty. Especially if this guy is willing to try to push you. He's not a true friend, for starters. And furthermore... would you really want to chance a relationship with someone who would stoop so low?!

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  • wowmemy
    13 years ago

    and yah it is normal but try to get rid of that normalcy so that you and your bf's buddy can move on with both your lives.

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