Is it normal to be ashamed of my ex?

It's easy to judge others when you yourself are sitting in a comfortable position. Not everyone is so blind.

I stayed in an abusive relationship and allowed a person to use me, over the course of a year, because I was convinced that underneath all his fucked up shit there was a good person trying to come out. You rationalize everything when you love someone, or, in a truly abusive situation often the victim will internalize the problems as being all their fault because it's easier to cope that way, it prevents you from being a victim in a manner of speaking.

You haven't done anything worthy of being ashamed of. You simply tried to love a difficult person and got shit on in return. It sure as hell isn't your fault and you learned a valuable life lesson. I doubt that any of your holier-than-thou coworkers have clean closets either; forget them. Small minds spend their days in judgement of others.

This really annoys me. People sitting in judgement on you and saying they've lost respect for you because you didn't leave earlier. Very easy to judge someone when you haven't walked in their shoes, isn't it?

I've been in an abusive relationship and I didn't get out early enough. One time, when I was almost free, I even went back for more. Like you, I feel thoroughly ashamed. All my friends know what I went through. They all told me to leave her. I knew myself that I had to leave and yet I didn't.

I had a conversation that may be familiar to you. I told someone that I was 99% sure that she wouldn't change but while there was 1% chance she would, I'd stick with it. It sounds pathetic but that's the mindset when you're invested in something.

Yes, it's normal for you to feel ashamed. It shows that you recognise a mistake. If you learn from it (like I hope I have), then at least there is some value in it.

People should be empathising with you for finding yourself in the situation you did, not judging you. It's not all your fault.

Don't be ashamed by your past dear poster. At the time I am sure you had true feelings and some good times being with this person. It would probably not even have been an issue if he hadn't been dragged back to be the subject of debate in your current social circle. Love is blind and people often feel rediculous when thinking about their previous romantic endeavours.

Just be happy you have managed to leave him and the seemingly negative spiral that he dragged you into.

Also, it is not your responsibility or business to keep others around you from taking certain actions concerning their love-life no matter how close you are to them or the other parties involved. Try to remove yourself from the general situation and focus on your current goals.

Don't kill yourself over it. It isn't worth it. I am sure you are a kind and honorable woman with what seems to be a gentle heart. You can't blame yourself for having had deep feelings for the man. NOT ONE PERSON is rational when it comes to 'love'. We all make mistakes, and hurt ourselves.

This is a perfect example of why people should watch what they say, especially when it involves judging who and how another person is. The man that said that to you, he has been royally fucked by one of his girlfriends. He also seems to have romantic feelings for your coworker and is carrying on VERY immaturely by saying those things about her. People are not perfect. You may have been pathetic, but look, he is too! What man would say such a thing without being emotionally invested in a woman? slow down and think about WHY people say certain things, you'll find they are just as butt-hurt as you.

cheer up :)

I feel that way about almost all my exes (3 out of 4). I'm still wavering about getting out of the last relationship enitrely. We're just so incompatible but the attraction is still there. Anyway, I had this thing where I would be completely miserable for months and yet still hang in there. I would tell myself that "this person is NOT worth it!" and yet I would always come back for more even when my mind was telling me to leave. Perhaps it's the feeling of being wanted, even if it's shallow. One of my exes recently admitted to me that he "didn't respect me at first" and was "in it for the sex". He fucked over my self-esteem with sexual pressure while I too naive to realize what he was doing, and by the time I did I was hooked on him... (This resulted in development of panic disorder two years later.) I cringe when I see people going in the same direction I did.

Anyway, it can be really tough to get out of these toxic relationships. But once you get out and get over the "I miss you" stage it's so freeing.

Another problem is over-romanticizing. Like you pretend the person is who they really aren't, so you keep convincing yourself that it's not all that bad. Or it can be that you've gotten so far and you don't want to waste what you've gained. Or perhaps those good moments every once in a while. The reasons can go on and on. All I can say is, despite all the negative I have learned a lot about myself and what I want, and I'm going to make myself into a stronger person.

It's normal to be ashamed. Walk it off

Wow. This makes me think. What if my ex is ashamed of what I became? I'm no where near as bad as the ex mentioned in the post though, that guy sounds horrible.
Ew, I dislike this thought. ._.
But ya, good for you for leaving him! He sounds HORRIBLE!

My ex was ugly as fuck, a dumbass, and a douchebag. I was definitely ashamed. It's normal to be as long as they're shame-worthy.

I would only question your normalcy if you *weren't* ashamed.

Try look at it positively: you learned a valuable lesson about yourself and what you will and won't endure not only in a relationship but in other facets of your life. I know it's easier to feel the negativity because it's consuming, but try and think about the positives you have taken from it; things such as your own personal increase in maturity and wisdom.

Who wouldn't feel regret and cheated in similar circumstances? If you are a lot wiser and have clearer standards and boundaries and are willing to take matters in your own hands then that's a good life lesson.

Thinking between the lines. Or living inside the box. Sometimes staying with people during those times make the difference. But you have to consider your own well-fare. 7 years years is a long time for things to drag on. If you had not told him to sort his act out drastically; then you should be ashamed. You let yourself become his bitch and could have turned the same route.