Is it normal to be angry that i'm lesbian?

72% Normal
10 Comments

I just went on a "date" with a guy again... and again, he was really sweet and charming and had a good personality, and again I have like ZERO physical attraction to him.

I kept staring at a ridiculously pretty red-headed girl the table over. I wish I could take his personality and put it in her body.

I HATE THAT I DON'T FIND MEN ATTRACTIVE! Why?? It's hard to find women that are interested in women and it's scary to approach one and find out if she is! Men are constantly asking me out and I like them a lot as friends but my body reacts like an ice-cube :(

Is it normal to be a self-hating lesbian??

Voting Results
72% Normal
Based on 43 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • SuperBenzid
    12 years ago

    Unfortunately it is fairly normal. As a gay guy I have noticed that lesbians generally seem to have more self hate even than gay guys. But I guess society constantly teaches women from when they are children that life is about finding Mr Right and gaining meaning in life from being with him and having his children. It is hard for a lot of women to break away from a life that is drilled into them since they were young.

    But you kind of have to, if you are not attracted to guys then that is that. I think you have to accept that it is not going to happen and stop searching for that guy. Once you do that, you will be a lot happier. It is perhaps harder to find a lasting affirming homosexual relationship but it is not impossible and therefore worth trying for.

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  • BurnaBaby27
    12 years ago

    Go to a gay bar or club. You should meet someone nice that interests you there :}

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  • lisalyn
    12 years ago

    It's 2011. Try the Internet or a gay bar. You aren't really trying. if it were 1980 I would feel badly for you but in this day and this age u should be asking " is it normal that in shy or socially challenged

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      This is the least educated and most accusatory "answer" mired in strong undertones of personal attachment that I've ever seen.

      Nobody was asking for sympathy. Keep your own issues to yourself instead of obviously projecting them on someone else in the form of insults.

      You have no idea how hard I try, you probably were a child in the 80's if you were alive at all. As for the completely blind, absolutely unfounded insults - "When the response is greater than the stimulus, there is an outside factor weighing in."

      What's your outside factor, I wonder?

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  • DropThatGem
    12 years ago

    Yeah I agree that it's not uncommon at all, sadly. My best friend and I are both lesbians, and she struggles with this almost daily (she had a religious upbringing which also doesn't help). But I can tell you from experience that it is SO worth it when you find a woman you connect with, the difference is truly amazing. Don't give up! And don't be too hard on yourself-- despite what some people may say, being gay is still hard.

    Also I'd strongly recommend finding gay friends if you haven't, it helps a lot to not feel so alone :)

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  • schtopp
    12 years ago

    It's normal, unfortunately. Most adult lesbians I know were ex-sex workers, abused as children, addicted to drugs...or most commonly, all the above. Stay strong in yourself.

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  • Nimbledee
    12 years ago

    Have u tried Asian men?? They are most effeminate and can pass for girls.. Maybe give it a go?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Huh. Never noticed this comment before, I don't know why it got thumbed down. There's an element of truth there - I actually do find effeminate Asian men attractive. Just never had the opportunity to date one.

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      • Riddler
        10 years ago

        This does make a lot of sense. A lot of women just lie and pretend to be gay because they think it makes them hot. So I could see where it would be frustrating being a lesbian. I know a lot of gay people and a lot of straight women that pretend to be gay but would never date a woman. So I could see where your frustration is coming from. A lot of SUPPOSEDLY bi women are not really bi but girls who are straight and trying to get attention. Than at any hint of people believing they might be a possible partner they run for the hills and say "No im straight! I only make out with chicks. I wouldn't date a girl. That is just so wrong."

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Weird, there are a lot of lesbians where I live. Try meeting some girls. I'm sure a lot of them are heteroflexible.

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