Is it normal to be angry at myself for having a crush on someone?

81% Normal
4 Comments

I've known him for years. In middle school, I had a crush on him but it was the "I like you so I'm going to be mean to you" sort of thing that kids do. I wouldn't say we were really friends. I lost contact with him for a while.

I later reconnected with him so we're actually friends now and he's in my usual hang-out group. This has been going on for about a year now.

The thing is that my crush on him has resurfaced a third time because a crazy person we know assumed I was his girlfriend (I'm glad he wasn't present when I was told about this). But the thing is, I'm angry at myself for liking him like that. You see, I don't normally let crushes develop into love or anything of that sort so I won't be disappointed. I've never been kissed or asked out or had a relationship in real life (I don't count that online-only BS). In fact, I really wonder if I am capable of love at all.

Anyway, my inner voice keeps telling me "Shut up. It'll never happen. He's out of your league. He'd never go for a girl like you." etc. (Yes, I realise I have self-esteem issues.) Part of the reason why I think this way is because, well, I'm a bit overweight (I've been told I look OK and am not fat, but I could afford to lose 10-20 pounds) and you can tell he works out.

I keep telling myself I should enjoy life and have no regrets, but about this guy my inner voice keeps telling me: "Goddammit, why do I like him? Even if he were interested, I'm sure there's something that would make a long-term relationship impossible. It's stupid/silly to even think about it at this point!"

To make things worse, I have Asperger's Syndrome. So, in a sense, I'm kind of socially retarded. My friends are aware of this. And for the record, I am 19 years old and female.

Is it normal to be angry at myself for having a crush? I almost wish it would go away because of how impossible it is.

Voting Results
81% Normal
Based on 54 votes (44 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • Korq
    13 years ago

    Unless you look like a water buffalo. Then don't bother.

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  • Judas_misunderstood
    13 years ago

    You don't seem to have impaired function from Asperger's - your communication is far better than a lot of other folks on here.

    You're female. You have something he wants. It's that simple.

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  • [Old Memory]
    13 years ago

    Inner voices do that to everyone.
    "to have never loved is to have never lived" "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all"
    Don't keep yourself from having that experience. Don't let your disease keep you from having it either. You have to tell him or bring it up or joke about it or somethiiinggg.
    Btw- yes it's normal.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      13 years ago

      I wouldn't call it love, no, but I like the idea of bringing it up as a joke as sort of a litmus test. I would have never thought of that! This will require some sort of planning on my part, though.

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