Is it normal to be angry at my daughter???

Long story as short as possible. I had my first child at the age of 17. I never had even a 5 minute break from her until she started school. She started stealing, soiling her pants, lying and having other behavioural problems from the age of 4 years. I never knew (and still dont know what caused her to behave like this, but she has recently been diagnosed with a very low IQ (71), bordering on intellectual disability.She is now 18 years. From the age of 5 through to the age of 7, I sought help and advice from various agencies, all of whom seemed hell bent on blaming me for the way she was behaving. I then took numerous parenting courses, and tried various strategies to deal with it. None of them worked. I eventually called child protective services, and asked that they take her away from me, as I knew I was ready to snap, and didnot want to hurt her. From the age of 7 up until 19th Feb this year, she has been bought up in a very religious home, much to her detriment, I feel. ie: I sad when she was 15 that she should be put on the pill, but they said no, as they didnt want to be seen to be giving her permission to have sex. Of course, she was having sex, and she feels comfortable enough with my partner of 6 years and I to tell us this. She moved back in with us on 19th feb this year, after committing credit card fraud against the family that had bought her up for the last 10 years. They decided they could not handle her anymore. While she was in care, I re-married, and had 3 more children (not to my current partner). When my marriage to him split up, His sister made 2 false allegation to Child protective services under 2 different names as a way of getting back at me for dumping her brother.She has since admitted this. Because my oldest daughter was already in care, this made them think I was an unfit mother, and then I lost my other 3 children. Since she moved back in, at the age of almost 18, I am finding myself blaming her for the loss of my three other children. She has made herself totally at home in the space of 6 weeks, but, as terrible as I feel about it, I basically feel feelings of hate towards her regarding the other 3 kids. I feel she has done my children out of being bought up with their mother (resulting in them being separated into 3 different foster homes in two different countries), and her actions have prevented me from being a mum to the three wonderful children whom I loved and had a great bond with. I realise that when it all happened, she was too young to understand the repercussions, but every time I look at her, I feel angry. I am also scared to spend much time with her, as if she does anything else bad, no doubt it will be blamed onto me.Any advice appreciated

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Based on 48 votes (30 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • Stifler

    If this is real... I wish I could help.

    If this is fake... How dare you.

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  • hidden_in_the_shadows

    that was awful what the sister did. does your x know that she did that?

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  • Your life is a mess. Sort it out , not her

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  • LiveAndLearn696

    Well you were 17, and young and dumb. You only talked about how bad your daughter is. You are not the ideal mom to begin with. I think you've just always been mad at her because you have had to devote your time to her at a young age. (your choices though) anyway I don't think what you say is valid. Why did the doctors say it was your fault? Because they felt like it?

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  • bleach_baby

    I totally understand your feelings of blame, but this doesnt mean that they are correct. It isn't your daughters fault these children got taken away, it is your exes sisters fault. I know also that once you become hateful towards the childs father, it can make you hate the child too. This is understandable, but misplaced. Sometimes its easier to take it out on the child who is there than on the father who isn't. Her being semi disabled and difficult of course doesnt help. Whatever you do, refrain from telling the child your feelings, as this would cause terrible damage. In a way, you are being very brave to repress your feelings and trying to treat her equally. I hope that things work out for you. I am a qualified psychiatrist and if you ever want to discuss the situation, please dont hesitate to contact me.

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  • Thankyou to everyone for the kind words and support.No matter how much I try, I find it extremely hard to feel anything but anger towards her. Her father was a "bad seed" too. And I realise she has no control over this, but even her body language is too much like her fathers. I cant trust her, and sometimes find it difficult to even look at her.She makes my skin crawl.And when I think of my other three children, whom I absolutely adore, the anger just gets worse. I really haveto bite my lip, because I am often tempted to tell her exactly how I feel, but I know this would destroy her. The only way I can deal with it is to avoid eye contact with her when I am feeling like this, and hpe eventually she will move out of her own accord. I still feel guilty for feeling this way, but am dealing with it to the best of my ability. Thanks again everyone.

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  • XJayX

    I'm so sorry. I kinda think you were too young when you had her, but I don't think that's the source of the problem. She sounds like a really bad seed. It sounds like you're surrounded by a lot of horrible people; your daughter, your ex's sister (that was a HORRIBLE thing she did and she should be put in jail for a very long time at LEAST for doing that to you.) I just feel very bad for you. I agree with mtmw, she might have something that needs medication. Once she's 18, kick her out, and make her get her own life.

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  • Seven

    Wow. That sucks. I wish I had some advice to give, but all I really have to say is that you should just try to keep your head above water, and check to see if your daughter has some condition that has gone undiagnosed.

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  • ashleybaxter08

    omg i would hate your ex's sister more. but i can understand where your coming from. you shouldnt feel bad at all for feeling that way.

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  • dwntwnMRbrown

    take it to court

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  • hotchickie81

    Wow, I feel so bad for you. I'm sure you're not a bad person at all! Sadly, I don't really have any advice to offer... I really don't know what I would do in that situation. I just wanted to let you know that you should NOT blame yourself. It's not your fault! I hope things eventually get better for you. Good luck! :)

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  • mtnw

    you poor woman. obviously your daughter has something that has gone undiagnosed.

    since she is 18, with such a low iq, do you think social services could help her out? and i mean in a way that gets her out of your HOUSE.

    i am sure running away has crossed your mind, and i wouldn't blame you if you did.

    even good kids suck the life out of you, but bad kids, what else can you do?

    alot of people think that parents "owe" their kids everything and should die trying, but i don't think that way. you did what you could at the time, and you thought what you did was for the best, so there's no reason for you to feel guilt about anything.

    you are normal for feeling the way you do.

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    • Thankyou so much for your support and kind words. It bought a tear to my eye. I miss my other three children more than I can put into words. All I can do is hope that one day, they will come home just like Hannah did. Thanks again

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