Is it normal to be almost 38 & never been in a relationship?

44% Normal
13 Comments

I'm almost 38 and I've never been in a real relationship. I've been out with a couple guys but I don't think the times we went out that they could even be considered dates as they seemed to always tell me they thought of me as just a friend even though I felt differently about them and we always spilt the bill. Many male friends in the past have also told me that I would be a great girlfriend. If only they weren't in a relationship they'd ask me out themselves. Most of my friends now are married with kids and I'm still single. It's so disappointing. I just can't figure out what's wrong with me? I guess I was just meant to live life alone.

Voting Results
44% Normal
Based on 50 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • ifonlyuknew247
    10 years ago

    To the OP Wishful Thinker: my advice is to concentrate on you and improving yourself, doing things you like and that you feel fulfill and positively enrich you as a person. Take the focus off of what you don't have and find happiness in what you do, in the moment, and those who are fortunate enough to share it with you.

    Everytime I do that, the guys come'a'flockin' like the swallows returning to Capistrano.

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    • WishfulThinker
      10 years ago

      Thank you. I suppose that since my post was centered on being unhappy with one aspect of my life, lack of a romantic relationship, that I may sound like I'm unhappy with life in general. I enjoy my life but it would be nice to share that with someone. I do consider myself very lucky to have a wonderful and supportive family and friends that I wouldn't trade for the world! I have some health issues but I do what I can to not let that stop me from living my life. There are certainly plenty of people out there who overcome so much more! I truly appreciate your advice and will definitely focus more on the things that make me happy.

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      • ifonlyuknew247
        10 years ago

        Good for you. You sound like you've achieved balance and happiness with your life. You've probably concentrated mostly on enriching yourself and what makes you and your loved ones happy, securing a future and becoming stable, putting your priorities in order so that now you can actually enjoy your life instead of being stressed out about several different issues. It's great that you have achieved that peace and contentment and you are very fortunate to have wonderful, supportive family and friends. Overall, it sounds like your life is much better than most people, and the only thing it's "lacking" right now is companionship with that one special person.

        Most people, myself included, have been in long term relationships that may have enriched one area of their life, but took away from others, or they weren't complete in themselves, etc. I have had several long term relationships that did not pan out, and I didn't do anything to improve my own lot in life, giving everything I could to the relationship. I would invest everything in it and then, after years, end up not being with that person, which was devastating, sometimes economically and environmentally too, as I lived with these people, contributed my smaller paycheck to rent and bills, etc. I maintained my independence the whole time, but based my happiness on the relationship with someone else. Each time I would end up alone again, and lonely, because I never let myself get to know the awesome person that I am. Every time a relationship ended I would be more upset and more afraid that I would never find love, and no guy would ever look at me "at my age", whatever that would be when I was out of the relationship and "alone" again. It took me decades to realize I had to find that happiness within myself, and love myself first.

        Once I started reinvesting in me, I was no longer lonely. I felt more fulfilled, happy, and like a better, more complete person than ever before. And guys of all ages, from 20 - 50+, flock like seagulls running so far away (song reference), to trip over themselves trying to do whatever I say to maybe be around me or with me.

        But this is about you. I'm just letting you know the road not taken ain't necessarily all apples and caramel. But the road behind us isn't what's important, it's made us what and who we are, and now we're looking ahead. Since you've taken the time to balance your foundation, you might benefit from well-reviewed, competent, well-reputed dating sites if you're into that, or singles mingling events if you're an old-fashuoned IRL gal like myself, but since those seem to be often filled with agenda-seekers as much as sincere people looking for a connection, you may prefer a more natural artificial environment to meet up, like something that has to do with an interest, hobby or activity you enjoy. Comic Con, for example.

        Best of luck, and no matter what happens, don't ever let anyone mistreat you. They're lucky to have you, and you deserve the best.

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    I'm sorry, but I really have to ask; were you abused as a child? Perhaps you have a desire for a relationship that your mind won't allow.
    I wish I knew you so that I could offer intelligent suggestions, but through IIN, I don't know what to say.
    Being half of a couple is the greatest thing in my life and I wouldn't want anybody to miss out on that experience, even if it doesn't last a lifetime.
    After 2 great marriages to women I thought were my soul mates, I've finally found a relationship that is fun, easy and overwhelmingly intense. She is not my type (too tall, not blonde and way too young for me) but we get along so well, I wonder if we are not literally 2 halves of one person.
    Good luck and I really wish I had some constructive input for you.

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    • WishfulThinker
      10 years ago

      No, no abuse. I had a very normal and happy childhood. Thank you for your well wishes.

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  • WishfulThinker
    10 years ago

    Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. I wish I could say it was something as simple as me not putting myself out there or not being the one to initiate a conversation or ask a guy out. I consider myself good looking. I'm in shape and my teeth are healthy and white! Lol! Maybe I need to reconsider the men that I choose to approach.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      Nope.

      All men are mostly the same especially when single.
      If you're attractive (post a pic on one of those free image hosting sites and post the link here) and you're friendly you'd have more men trying to jump on you than you could handle.

      It's definitely something you're doing. I'm betting you don't smile much and give guys the green light they'd like to flirt with you.

      Either that if you're super hot then most guys will be too afraid to flirt with you or figure you're already taken cause you're so hot there's NO WAY that girl is single.

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      • ifonlyuknew247
        10 years ago

        That last paragraph is the story of my life. *sigh*

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        • [Old Memory]
          10 years ago

          I love dating girls like you :)
          I have no problems flirting and dating beautiful girls, it's my preference.

          If you really want to start dating more, be more fun. Let guys know you're approachable AND available and if that doesn't work then go up to them and get to know them. Let them know you're single.

          OR... you could just come over and play with me ;)

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          • januarycurse
            8 years ago

            lol dirtybirdy

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    Hi.

    First, no it's not normal being 38/40 and never had a relationship or a real date.

    Your problem is most likely you're not making yourself available by going out and being social and if you are the you're not allowing yourself to be fun and approachable.

    Learn to smile, be fun, and learn to flirt with guys. Don't be a wallflower not saying anything or not having fun.
    That keeps guys away from you.

    I've had lots of girl buddies just like you and they were not ugly chicks.
    Their problem was they had no idea how scared most guys can be to approach girls. So unless the girl is having fun, smiling at the guy, waves him over or whatever. He assumes she's not interested, doesn't want to be bothered or she's already got a boyfriend/taken and he doesn't want to get rejected and embarrassed.

    Also look your best, hit the gym because you're competing with other females to get a male.

    Males are mostly visual creatures we are very horny and shallow so they go for the hottest girl they can get. Considering we guys don't know you from another girl it makes sense to pick the best looking one at that point because it's all we got to go on.

    Wear attractive clothes but nothing too slutty. Highlight your body but don't reveal too much.
    Smile and have fun and if a guy is looking at you smile back and wave him over or go up to him.
    I'd wait until he looks at you at least 2 or 3 times before you wave him over or if you decide to go over to him.

    If your teeth are jacked up, then get them fixed and you won't be self conscious about smiling.

    Oh yeah, don't do the smile without teeth. That sends the wrong message.
    Smiling with your lips while not showing teeth tells members of the opposite sex, 'Yeah, you're ok. but not my type.' or 'I'm smiling to be polite not because I like you.'

    Smiling with teeth says ' I LIKE YOU :) I want more of you.'

    Don't leave it to the guy having to come up to you. That's lame and many guys are too scared to do that, that's partially why they drink :
    To get liquid courage to be able to approach a girl.

    If you go to a bar or social event with a guy right there you're making yourself not available because naturally most guys will assume he's your bf or date. It's not like you girls carry around a big flag saying

    "THIS IS NOT MY BF OR DATE, HE'S JUST MY BUDDY SO IF YOU LIKE ME COME TALK TO ME!"

    Ok I'm tired and been spending too much time on this site.

    Last note:

    There's no reason any girl can't have a guy, even her choice of several guys because you girls are the lucky proud owner's of a vagina!
    Yes! Everything a boy wants. You girls also have mouths. We boys knows that any girl can make us feel amazingly good because we think with our dicks! YAY!

    All you girls need to do is be fun and let us know you're interested and we come running.

    Doesn't mean you can get every guy you want but you certainly can get at least a few guys giving you a choice of guys every time you go out. There's really no reason you shouldn't have a guy if you want one.

    Single guys are in bars, clubs, social events to meet a girl. Do him a favor and let him. Help him, go up to him. He'll appreciate it. Even if he doesn't like you he'll be flattered.

    I've dated a lot of girls and I've had my choice of many many to choose from so here's an interesting point.
    Most of the girls I end up with and 'dating' are the girls that came after me!

    GRRRR.

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  • chronic_wanker
    10 years ago

    Dont be rough with yourself, instead of relying on a man to go to you, try talking to a man first get his attention, drop a small hint that you are single. When he seems interested tell him what you like, orjoke with them a little bit, add spice. If he asks if you want to do anything later, or go out sometime say yes.

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  • millefeuille
    10 years ago

    I don't know how dating works because I'm never one who experienced dating- mine due to lack of interest, so I can't say anything about how or what you'd have to do to find your significant other. Now that I think about it, finding life partners must be really really hard.
    But we sure know it's different for many people.

    If you're accepting your fate of living alone for the rest of your life, don't let those in a relationship or already married get to you. I guess you just have to move on? And stay happy with how things are. Perhaps in near future something might happen or you'd meet that special somebody?

    I think you should just keep an open mind about it. :D

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