Is it normal to be afraid of not loving my own children?

First off could I say what a pleasure it was to read such a well written post. You've explained yourself very eloquently.

I think a lot of your preconceptions about parenthood hold very little weight once you actually have kids. Hell I've known some shady characters in my life (coming from the drug scene) who have had a complete metamorphosis with the arrival of their own. You should not play down the affinity you're going to feel towards your own lifeblood. Blood is thicker than water.

You have all the right motivations to become a good parent, resilience is built in adversity. I think having a child will go along way to fulfilling that void that an unhappy upbringing has caused. I wish you all the best.

Yes it's normal to feel that way under the circumstances, but as a parent I have found it just happens. Nothing like the love between parent and child.

Not that I have any children, but I think it's a solid bet that you'll love your future children despite your own past traumas. And because you're considerate of this issue it shows you care a lot about being a good parent. I think you're going to do fine. :)

Read lots of information about child development and how to parent with the needs of the child in mind. The hard part is, your own family didn't set you up with the skills you need to be a good parent, so you'll have to set about educating yourself in this area of life. But, don't worry, it's actually easy and interesting stuff to learn about, and it may even help you understand your past a lot more too.

It's normal to fear that, even as a parent. I mean, I have that fear sometimes. My boyfriend helped me when I expressed this to him one night regarding our daughter and he basically told me he would still love her even if she turned out to have the attitude of someone (a real person) that we strongly dislike because we are all like that to some extent.And he hates this person more than I do, so I was pretty inspired. I haven't really thought about this fear since.

I think you'll be a great dad to your kids :)

Well my mom said to me you babies have personalities like people cus they are people as in a way we don't get along with everybody so sometimes there will be a child with a personality we just don't like its ok it just shows we are human but u can find methods to tolerate clash of personalities and parenting styles too I recommend the parents love dare its a good book and one for couples too its a journaling book and insight for positive parenting I plan on using this for my family which I am bought to pop a baby anytime
good luck

I'd been married for 7 years before my wife got pregnant. We'd given up on parenthood by that point.

When we got the news that she was pregnant, similar worries overwhelmed me; good God...am I really worthy of being trusted with a human life?

I watched her belly grow. I'd feel arms and legs move as he shifted around inside of her. I read books, recited poems, and sang songs to this alien life form that was developing inside of her, while caressing and touching...shaking her belly. Haha..that was how I "played" with him.

After hours of labor in the hospital, enduring pain, worry, and sleep deprivation...I watched the doctor pull this bloody, slimy mass from my wife's loins. He handed me the forcepts and told me to cut the chord. "Do I have to?" I asked..."yes," he replied. It crunched as I cut.

...his cries sounded like a lame sheep bahhing...

They cleaned him off and handed him to me. Despite being half sick from exhaustion and stress, I spoke his name. He quit crying and tried to focus on my face with his undeveloped eyes. My voice comforted him. He stopped crying.

Despite the "tough guy" image I relish...being a blue collar guy with rough, calloused hands...I cried.

That was when I realized that there is such a thing as True Love. I've dedicated my life to him ever since.

You'll be fine. The fact that you're concerned proves it.

sure. and to be honest i think some children today are a pain in the fucking ass and thres always a risk of doing EVERYHTING for a kid and they end up hating you.

honestly maybe you should consider not wanting kids. i think kids get in the way of most marrages and it really puts more pressure on you and your wife. instead of just focusing on each other now you gotta focus on a bunch of kids which at a young age needs CONSTANT attention. dont fall for the fairy tale movies. having kids is HARD. something i honestly rather do without.

Blah blah blah. How about I am straight with you because most people here are romanticizing relationships. Love does not prevail where it does not live. You say you are "very cold". Do you honestly think that if you can't open up to yourself, and those around you, that you will suddenly (as if magically) be the most open, emotionally available father? No, you will be relatively loving, as in relative to as much as you can muster. Being realistic, it probably won't be enough for a child because children NEED to be loved UNCONDITIONALLY and consistently. That means no matter what, not if you feel like it.

Love is unconditional but let's be honest, you come from a place where you were not loved unconditionally. You have pain. You have walls. You are guarded. You are angry. You are afraid.

Do you love yourself unconditionally? You can expect that whatever your reply is, will also be true for all the other people in your life, including your kids. It's a good sign that you think you *deserve* a loving family; that's great!That means there is potential. But love doesn't just appear, it comes from inside you. It has to come from you, towards yourself first. And then a woman. And then a child.

Basically, it sounds like you are afraid of doing something you are not used to and don't know how to do. THAT'S OKAY. YOU CAN LEARN. Don't you dare have a child before you work on yourself. Start doing research into loving yourself. Deal with your fears. Deal with all those dormant emotions. Get a really cute dog for Christ sake. That dog will teach you about unconditional love, and it will be like a baby-trial.

P.S: Need I add that if love "just happens" than we'd have a lot less destructive people on the planet. Don't listen to fools, listen to yourself. Only you have the answers for you.

In all honesty you should be commended for at least admitting your reservation about it, I wish more people were like that. Nothing wrong with not liking kids, just because you were once young doesn't automatically mean you should think kids are wonderful.

I feel for ya. My Parent's sent me away to boarding school when I was just 12. Now my mom wants my attention like she didn't do anything wrong. Don't worry My father was sort of cold. but I know he loved me. He showed it in other ways, He just had trouble showing physical affection, But just do the best you can.