Is it normal to be afraid of my future?! o_0

When i was 4 i stuffed kittens into a garbage bag and chopped them up w/ a plastic hoe all while mother asking what i was doing and i responded, "im doin nuffin ma". I've had a tragic death of a best friend, and my fav show is Dexter. Ill randomly kill any animals that even so much as look at my current cat with any ill intent, i've been on 120 hours of ride time w/ emt and over 2 years of firefighting so i've scene some shit. I have an odd fascination with the circle of life and equivalent exchange of karma. Oddly enough today in my "world" around me i am one of the most selfless ppl i know, and there really isn't anything i wouldn't do for any1. I am unsure whether i do this out of kindness or use as camouflage. I have never taken human life in fact i've even helped saved people, however should i be worried that i may end life in a way that is truly taboo... is this an almost normal feeling or should i check into a mental.