Is it normal to be 21 and this lonely?

79% Normal
8 Comments

Okay, first things first: I am not kidding myself AT ALL that this is in any way "normal", i.e something to happily live with. It is making me feel very afraid for my future, and sometimes very intensely rejected by the world, as if I have no place in anybody's hearts except the hearts of those I'm biologically related to.

I'm a Brit, so apologies if I'm using Brit terms (like primary school instead of kindergarden).

When I left primary school, I was sent to a secondary school that--unbeknownst to me at the time--was really horrible. I was from a small, quiet country community and this was a big, overpopulated place full of what we Brit's call "townies". From day one I was singled out, verbally bullied and generally harassed by people for being quiet, creative and different. People put me on the social peripheries. People just didn't seem to want to hang around with me. I couldn't understand this treatment. All I've ever done is be myself.

Years on, I've been passed in and out of fleeting friendships, trying to find "my people". I've never been interested in popularity or a hyperactive social life. Just a few true, genuine friends would be more then enough. But I barely have any confidence, and I have no social life as a result. I never manage to get close enough to people. Whether it's in my mind or not, people just seem to reject me socially wherever I go. I have a few friends now, but they're all from separate circles so I only ever see one at a time, and I feel like I'm drifting away from them slowly but surely. Because it feels like I'm the only one who ever makes an effort to keep in touch.

All around me my age group are having wild fun that they'll remember all their lives. I feel totally left out and depressed. People tell me I'm talented, lovely and pretty but I look at myself in the mirror and reflect on my achievements so far and it just doesn't feel good enough. I see people I admire who I want to talk too, and I just don't know how to make them see me. I don't want to intrude, and I'm intimidated by people when they're in groups.

I want to blame my history of being bullied and socially exiled, but I wonder whether it's because inside I've become a slight sociopath. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my twenties! And I don't know what to do!

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 29 votes (23 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • dappled
    13 years ago

    I don't think you're a sociopath. You do remind me of someone I used to know, though. She became part of my social group because I hate seeing people feeling uncomfortable and not part of things. I think she has some good friends now. As soon as you make a couple of friends, you naturally make more as you get introduced to their friends. It's just a case of persisting and being open.

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  • chicken471bologna
    11 years ago

    Good god just get some confidence already dude!

    All I heard throughout this story was "I suck! I suck! I suck!"

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  • random_man
    13 years ago

    I don't know if this will help you, but I often feel lonely in the same way; sort of scared of losing my best years to observing from the periphery. I Just wanted to say, I think people build up a lot in their minds that prevent them from making healthy changes, like the casual encounters some of us take for granted... it can be seem overwhelming especially after several failed attempts; rejection is hard, and in the face of that, its really easy to just stick with what we're used to (i.e. our comfort zones, despite recognizing that something is missing). You'd be surprised at how convincing and how powerful your own inner monologue is; it can be a tool to reinforce a long believed in thought, or it can liberate you from restrictive and unhealthy patterns in life. The problem is that it's yours alone to change, as much or as little as you can handle.

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    • Juvu.Lotus
      13 years ago

      Yes, I know what your talking about when you say "monologue". I sometimes feel like I'm splitting apart, splitting in half so that theres more than one me, so that I don't feel so alone. :-( I do feel I make an effort with people to attempt to change things for myself, for the better, but friends I make never last even when I make an effort to keep in touch. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong...

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  • technicallyhuman
    13 years ago

    theres probably sommebody within a mile of you thinking the same thing. go talk to them.

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  • randomjelly
    13 years ago

    ^^excellent answer.

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    • Hard_Candy
      13 years ago

      Thanks Jelly!

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  • Hard_Candy
    13 years ago

    First of all, please don't change who you are, keep being yourself. Most of us were bullied as children; kids can be mean little shits. True, genuine friends are very difficult to find in this lifetime. My suggestion would be join organizations that interest you and perhaps you can naturally form new relationships based on mutual interests. Stay true to yourself, you'll find your way.

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