Is it normal to ask if "everything is okay" daily?

64% Normal
17 Comments

It feels like my girlfriend (who has lived with me for 6 months) is asking me "is everything okay?" constantly; on average at least once a day or so. I know this means she cares and is generally a good thing but at some point I would hope there's enough communication and trust to establish that if something were indeed wrong (and not just me being tired or thinking about the cat crap I still have to go scoop), I'd tell her. So far, my efforts have failed. I'm very open with her and always answer as honestly as possible. So, is this normal? Or is my girl obsessing over how I feel and what I'm always thinking about?

Voting Results
64% Normal
Based on 80 votes (51 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • Alison89
    12 years ago

    Some good inputs so far, but also, some people aren't very assertive. Instead of saying, "I'm hungry," they might ask, "Are you hungry?"

    This might be her way of tring to get you to ask her if she's okay.

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    • Pinecone
      12 years ago

      Hit the nail on the head? I've noticed this and yes, she often asks something like "do you want dessert?", when it's obvious she just wants some ice cream herself... It's not always obvious what she wants though, so I do my best to ask her. Any suggestions on encouraging assertive behavior?

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      • Alison89
        12 years ago

        That's a tough one. I've known a few people who were like that, and sadly, they don't always accept the fact that communicating effectively is their responsibility. Hearing and understanding is my part. Saying what you mean is your part. If you ask me if I'm hungry, how am I supposed to know that means you're hungry?

        I had this one friend who who was like that. She'd say we just don't "connect" because I didn't figure out the code in what she meant. She was my friend, so I really tried to work on it, but the problem was, she was inconsistent. One day, "Are you hungry?" might mean, "I want something to eat." Another day, it might mean, "I want to go to the store." Never, ever would she accept that she should be more clear.

        I guess one approach would be to talk to her about it. Being a guy, you could always play the sensitive boyfriend who isn't very intuitive and say, "I have the feeling you want to say something to me, but you don't feel like coming out and saying it."

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        • Pinecone
          12 years ago

          Ha! Yes! Very much how I feel at times with her body language or questions. As I get to know her better and better, sometimes I know what she is really asking or implying so I respond in a way in which forces her to admit to herself and speak what she wants. The "is everything okay?" question is troubling for me though. When she asks, sometimes its seems like a cry for affection. I usually give it to her, but at some point I'm hoping the affection I show through-out the days will be enough! But yes, I do play the sensitive boyfriend too and say "is there something on your mind?".

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  • MissClaire
    12 years ago

    She probably cant read you properly. When someone cant make sense of a situation they don't feel comfortable. This usually stops after a few years of dating. Also, I would make sure she knows you love her on the regular - that might be part of what she is doing.... just a thought.

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    • Pinecone
      12 years ago

      Thanks for your thoughts! She is reading these comments with me and agrees with you. I show and tell her that I love her more than once a day, so that probably isn't much of the issue, but I can be difficult to read at times, so it sounds like maybe I should work to be more transparent for her. Encouraging to hear that this should subside as time goes on though.

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      • MissClaire
        12 years ago

        Oh yeah, I used to do this a lot too - so she is normal too ;). But I realized that sometimes I pushed people away unintentionally so its so much easier when I just stopped and told myself ... that it is not my responsibility to make sure everyone is always happy or okay - usually it has nothing to do with me. But women, typically like to help so its all good intention. I like your girl friend, she is a kind woman who will only get better with age :)

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        • Pinecone
          12 years ago

          :) Ah yes, she is aging like a fine wine..
          I shared your post with her and she smiled and said she liked your comment. Thanks for your reply!

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          • MissClaire
            12 years ago

            You guys sound so good together -= cheers to your future together :)

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  • Energy
    12 years ago

    She sounds nice.

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    • Pinecone
      12 years ago

      She is! And hot too! Nice to be cared about..

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      • joybird
        12 years ago

        Most women don't realise that when a man is sitting quietly his mind is really and truly blank! The female brain is usually racing, multi-tasking and problem solving. She is assuming that you are the same as her, so she thinks that you are going over and over something in your head and that's why you're so quiet.

        WRONG!!

        I've been with the same man for over 30 years and when they are sitting looking blank - they are thinking blank!!! It annoys them to keep asking but don't worry when there's something wrong they know that you are not a mind-reader and will tell you.

        Tell the poor girl to relax!

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        • Pinecone
          12 years ago

          lol. I've told her precisely that! Although I admit my mind does seem to "race" a bit like hers, I generally am not thinking about anything important or focused on any one thing in particular! I'm a bit intraverted... i.e I'll be a bit quiet and spacey one night because say, I overslept; One second I'll be thinking about how much I despise chunky peanut butter but how it's wierd cause I want some right now, then how it would feel to slide down a hill covered in creamy peanut butter the next... Most of the time I forget what I was thinking about the moment she starts talking. Yes, I always do my best to tell her if something really is on my mind. I suspect it may just take a little time :)

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          • joybird
            12 years ago

            Yeah but it's only trivial thoughts and ideas that pop into your head. She thinks you are deeply analyzing your relationship with her - NOT!

            Tell her she's no need to worry if those are your deepest thoughts, I don't think you'll be leaving any time soon ;o)

            lol

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            • Pinecone
              12 years ago

              lol! Hey, I have deep thoughts...

              Like diving into a pool of peanut butter... Deep in rich peanut-buttery goodness ;)

              that might hurt though :/ I wonder if you'd drown eventually by getting sucked in like quicksand...

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  • zchristian
    12 years ago

    Pretty normal if your really that annoyed you should have a talk with her about it still she may be just worried about you or say it just to seem friendly...

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    • Pinecone
      12 years ago

      Very true, but sometimes it feels there's a lot of pressure on me to act "normal" or "happy" so I don't get questioned about everything I think about all the time. Security?

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