Is it normal to allow people to get away with murder?

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9 Comments

Sorry for the upcoming bad words, but I am just a little mad now.

I have a friend that is unarguably a dick. Everyone in our group of friends agrees on this. We still accept him because he is a friend from our childhood; and let's be honest, we were all assholes at some points in our lives, but we eventually outgrow that phase I guess. However, this guy is 25 years old and it just seems as if he is never going to mature. I am starting to believe that he has some social disability or something close to Asperger.

The issue is that this asshole always has his way. Whenever he does something that is obviously wrong, he refuses to accept he is wrong. We try to reason with him, but he just doesn't accept his mistakes. Eventually we always get tired of arguing and just let him be or even apologize to him, making the situation into our fault and not his.

I recently decided to stop this bullshit and give him an ultimatum... but none of my friends supports me. They all tell me that we should just "accept" him the way he is. Don't get me wrong, I do understand that we should accept that people have flaws... but when someone does something wrong, I don't think people should just pretend nothing has happened.

Yet again, even though I am firm in my decision, I still have some moral doubts. Is is correct? Do you think it is bad to put someone else into this situation? Or is it just normal to feign ignorance and allow people to have it their way?

Voting Results
34% Normal
Based on 32 votes (11 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I would never give support of any kind to someone who I considered unsavory; it could be my own brother for all I care.

    If you consider yourself the "friend" of a bad person, you've demonstrated that you're hardly any better than they are.

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  • disthing
    10 years ago

    I thought you meant actual murder...

    Sort of anticlimactic.

    Anyway, if you object to his presence in the group, but the others accept him, there's not much you can do except leave the group yourself. If he's doing morally objectionable things and your friends don't mind, it suggests they don't feel the same way you do. So you either put up or get out, I guess.

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  • Saycheese
    10 years ago

    I think that you are right about the decision though don't think you'll get it through to him.

    I would look up ways to set boundries with arrogant people. Assertiveness is key into setting them. Stay calm and don't argue.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I think it's important to tell him when he is being out of line. I have aspergers and often don't know how other people perceive my actions and things that other people consider very obvious just don't connect with me.
    The problem is that if he refuses to listen to anyones point of view theres not much you can do. Tell him he doesn't have to agree, but he should have the respect to listen.
    I will tell you a lesson I learned in an aspergers support group that really helped and I have practiced this with a friend of mine too who seems aspie too.
    They did this in group because when you get a room full of aspies together, we will just all talk over each other at the same time without taking turns.
    The trick is to hold an item, and whoever holds the item has their turn to speak. No one else may talk unless the holder asks a question to someone. That way everyone gets a turn to say everything on their mind. Taking notes while waiting for the turn is important too because that way everyone can write their thoughts for later instead of waiting for their turn to speak.
    It is very important that everyone gets to say everything they need to say and everyone listens.
    It may sound like a kindergarten game, but it is very effective.
    If he will not cooperate with this tactic, there is nothing you can do.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      The holding the item thing sounds like an awesome and fun idea! Maybe I will implement it in my group of friends.

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    I don't really understand why he s part of this circle of people if he is that unpleasant to be around. Life is way too short to put up with stupid, arrogant people.
    He must have some redeeming qualities for you all to put up with him; would you please tell us what they might be. Thanks.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I have the same question for my friends actually. I guess that when you get used to someone, it becomes progressively hard to de-attach, even if you don't like them.

      Redeeming qualities? I guess that he doesn't kill animals for fun... that's it.

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  • Crazy-guy
    10 years ago

    His name is Barry right?

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    • handsignals
      10 years ago

      Yes, and everyone wonders who invited him but know one say's anything.

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