Is it normal to act like this (i'm not depressed)?

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6 Comments

Ok, I'm 22, female, and about a year ago I was diagnosted with depression and generalised anxiety disorder. Though I did have some problems with anxiety, I don't think I was ever truly depressed (at least from what I read about the symphtoms). I mean, I had some bad times but who doesn't? Currently I'm on benzos and antidepressants.

Anyway, the thing is, I am not a hopeless person; I actually have many ambitions and I take interest on many different things.

However, I have quite an isolated lifestyle. It's been nearly two weeks since I left my house, I have pratically no friends and I have very little interest in speaking to other people in general. I don't use social networks like facebook (I don't have anything interesting to show and I don't find other people's lifes interesting) and I don't talk to anyone unless I really have to. I also barely eat because I'm never hungry (1 small meal per day - I tend to vomit if I eat more than I'm used to) and I tend to sleep almost all day and stay up all night. I can sleep for 14 hours straight.

I also never had a boyfriend (I tried going out and trying to meet someone for a while but eventually gave up because nobody seemed interested and it was hurting my pride - I'm probably just a boring person).

I spend all of my days reading, drawing and writing. Also watching movies/tv series. I'm aiming to become a writer/illustrator for children's books, and had some job offerings but I'm not sure about some things yet. I'm not sure if I'm good enough either, I can draw but I'm not GREAT or super outstanding.
Here is my page with some drawings in case anyone would like to see: http://juliaflohr.deviantart.com/

So, I'm not really sad, I just feel neutral 100% of the time. Is it ok to live like this? I'm fine with it but something feels wrong. Or maybe it's actually fine.

Thanks a lot if you took the time to read this, and sorry for the mediocre english.

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70% Normal
Based on 23 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • dirtybirdy
    9 years ago

    I agree that the meds are a bad idea. They don't seem to be helping you so I would ween off of them.

    I love the Doomed? picture with the bone birds :) I would hang that in my house.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Your art is really good. Have you ever thought that the benzodiazepines and antidepressants you are on are actually making you worse and even more depressed or isolated? It seems like you just need to revamp your lifestyle and seek new activities. Maybe if you ease into doing that you will feel like you don't have to rely on those medications anymore. That stuff is known to have side effects like fatigue and apathy. It seems that apathy is your problem here since you said you feel completely neutral most of the time.

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  • shuggy-chan
    9 years ago

    Yes i agree with ioncecamesohard, your should mabye too at weening yourself away from using anti-depressants if u can. Im not a fan of drug/pills in genreal, but those anti-depressants made my uncle try to commit suicide by drinking laundry detergent.

    So yeah, fuck pills.

    And on the flip side i love ur art and i know tons of other people that would feel the same. And you definately have the chops to illustrate an children's novel.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    It seems like you might just be introverted. You're art is really good so it is good you have ambition to focus on your art instead of partying.

    I would advise leaving the house more often because activities will make you feel better. Personally I will get depressed if I don't get out and participate in activities regularly.

    A lot of people are saying to quit the pills, but if you do you need to taper off them slowly. Also think about how you were before you took them. Think about whether they are helping you. I take pills too and have tried to quit taking them several times with awful results but I was psychotic before I started taking them in the first place. Everyone is different so find out what's right for you.

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  • Shrunk
    9 years ago

    Wow, I'm very similar, same age, same aspirations.. I'm going to add you to watchlist on dA when I get to my computer :) you seem well interesting, and your English is perfectly fine.

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  • thegypsysailor
    9 years ago

    Pretty impressive art work.
    If you've "had some job offerings" then you need to take advantage of those opportunities. It's pretty presumptuous of you to think you are better qualified to judge your work (in your present state of mind, at least) than someone who wants to pay you to do it.
    Very, very few uneducated artists and few educated artists actually make a living from their art, so if this is something you wish to do, stop hesitating and jump in with both feet. Get an agent, to protect your interests and get going. You are a very lucky and talented girl.

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