Is it normal they shrug this off like it's no big deal?

25% Normal
15 Comments

This has been becoming more and more frequent. I've been married for 2 years and live with my husband and his mother. Every once in a while, if my DH and I get into an argument (mostly over money) or if I just bring up an issue that needs to be talked about, he'll sometimes pop off with this: "Well if you don't like it you know where the door is."

And then I get upset, and before long (after we cool down from the argument) he's laughing it off like it wasn't anything at all.

My MIL did the same thing recently, saying: "If you don't like the way it is around here then you know what you can do about it." Later she acted like it wasn't a big deal. Is this behavior even remotely normal?

(PS/ Yes, I am thinking about moving out, but there are money issues making this difficult to do. It would be a couple to several months before I could leave financially... although I'm unsure if my husband would follow me. He seems to want to take care of his parents more than taking care of his marriage.)

Voting Results
25% Normal
Based on 61 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • bananaface
    11 years ago

    This isn't healthy or normal at all, and I hate it when people do this. They're acting in a way which means that you can't communicate and solve your problems. Instead, he just thinks that your only options are to agree with him or leave. There's no compromise there, and it isn't fair to you. A couple should be able to talk things through until they reach a point where they're both satisfied with the outcome, even if it's not exactly what they wanted at first.

    Also, I've been trying to work out what DH stands for, what does it mean? It's probably insanely obvious, but it's driving me a bit crazy.

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    • JustShoveIt
      11 years ago

      it stands 4 Dickin' that Hotbody whooowhooo

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      When I use DH it stands for 'Dear Husband'. Thanks for the input, it means a lot! ^_^

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      • bananaface
        11 years ago

        Ahhh, my mind was coming up with several crazy possibilties, thanks for clearing that up:) I hope you and your DH can work your relationship out.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    an invitation to leave every time there is confrontation would make me want to call their bluff

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    "Well if you don't like it you know where the door is."

    I just say "shut the fuck up"

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    11 years ago

    I caught my man off guard this morning... I think. I got home this morning after work and before he gets up and slid into bed without waking him. I wait for him to adjust, like normal, and then ask if I can ask him something. He whispers a hoarse okay. Then I asked him if he meant it when he said I could leave, and that it had been bugging me all night... Which it had. He acted like he forgot about it in the first two seconds... then he sucked in a quick breath and said something like 'oh hunny no.... No I didn't mean it...". Followed by tight hugs and lovins.

    Should I believe? I did at first but not entirely convinced.

    I HAVE told him that if he EVER tells me to hit the door again that I might just learn how to use it. :/

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      sure you will he said it because he was mad at the time

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    • Lynxikat
      11 years ago

      I agree with bananaface. I think it's good to stand up for yourself like that :)

      But on a more serious note, because of his reaction and from what you've put on your original post, I personally think you should leave him. You can't live with someone for the rest of your life who's attitude is like "If you don't like it then leave" and doesn't want to solve any problems his marriage might have.

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    • bananaface
      11 years ago

      Good for you for standing up for yourself:D!

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    My friend argues this way with his wife, and then tells me details of the argument as if he's kind of proud of upsetting her (it upsets her very much as he's quite personal about it and frequently points out that he's improved her life, as if she should be grateful).

    When we talk about it, it usually comes out that he's using it as a tactic because he doesn't want to admit the truth (that he's not kept his word, or been lazy, or made a mistake). At that point, he laughs, and shrugs but I know he'll never actually go and apologise about it.

    It seems strange that a married man could understand women so badly, but maybe it's not strange at all. It's obvious he's not willing to communicate or to be open about things. And his mother is doing the same thing. It can't be easy for you.

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  • januarycurse
    8 years ago

    He does not sound like a winner

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    yeah i hear the same things where i stay at.

    i think their problem is is that they are mental.

    your wrong on a part, anyone should take care of
    their parents at anytime that they need it i would.

    how's that "ML"☺

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  • JuneB
    11 years ago

    I honestly don't understand why this wouldn't be normal. My parents say much worse things when they fight, and their marriage is fine.

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  • Silentnight
    11 years ago

    You need to get out of there hun. Whether its to stay with a friend or family member until you get back on your feet financially. He's a bully, not a husband.

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