Is it normal the more i overcome the more "god-like" i feel?

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I keep overcoming a lot of really difficult things and I feel like it's making me more developed I think is the best word but also like intelligent, aware, and wise

Around the last time I started my last homeless adventure a few years ago, someone told me that she enjoys being in situations where can't figure something out

I kinda feel like that now, like it's kind of fun figuring things out, I think that's why I like/am good with psychology

I recently got fired and even though I have a new apartment and car payment and about 1800 in bills, I set up an interview the day after I got fired and got on the clock in 2 or 3 days

My first week, which I'm halfway through, will be tested to see if I'm gonna be hired as a $12 manager or 14$ assistant (the latter I applied for, I was running a store by myself)

I did the math and it's gonna be tight, but even at $12 with 40 hours I'll have my bills paid, with plenty of time for a second job, or if $14 for 50 hours I'll be able to settle comfortably and go from there

The most difficult obstacles which kept me homeless this last time were my car and insurance payments with my limited income, and now I've been fired after just starting so many bills and I was able to allocate resources to plan to pay things on time ish

The first response most of you will have would probably be on hubris, but I have put a lot of work into recognizing presuppositions and like Alan Watts once said I observe myself observing myself observing myself, like standing between two mirrors facing each other

In other words, I use deductive reasoning skills in conjunction with my observations and assessments to interact with my environments objectively and seemingly exponentially successfully

Sorta like in Grimm when every so often Nick would defeat a Wessen and gain a new skill or ability

I don't want to tempt fate for a monkey's paw or white whale, but this confidence I'm nurturing is also easing my anxiety, because it's like I can proactively prepare for anything I can conceive

But I guess my real question is, is this just a normal part of mental development for most people? Sometimes I feel like I'm ten years late for some of these things, other times I totally feel justified in classifying myself as a mental giant (sometimes it feels like I can project mental energy that can fill a room, but that's usually only with talking to someone, like with processing some unpredictable and provocative information)

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Comments ( 29 )
  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    Humans are not God-like.

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    • raisinbran
      3 years ago

      Kanye is.

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      • RoseIsabella
        3 years ago

        HAHAHA! 🤣

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    • [Old Memory]
      3 years ago

      That's why I put it in quotes. I'm still human, but there's a difference between letting your world fall apart and keeping it together

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      • RoseIsabella
        3 years ago

        I think it's great if your life is going better than it has in the past, but I would call that being competent, or being more competent than you perhaps were in the past so that's what I would call progress. I wouldn't call any of this God-like all. I honestly wouldn't ever describe anyone as God-like.

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        • [Old Memory]
          3 years ago

          It's just like a feeling like I can handle things when at one point I would have felt defeated, I understand your point though, it's nothing supernatural or unique it's just competence

          I wouldn't be surprised if you or Charli or WeirdGuy have felt something similar

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          • RoseIsabella
            3 years ago

            I would probably say something like I feel like everything is going smoothly, like the planets are in alignment, or everything is coming up roses... no pun intended.

            So by any chance is English a second language for you?

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            • [Old Memory]
              3 years ago

              I like that planet alignment simile, I know most people say astrology is fooey but most people agree on genetics, I kinda see it like the universe gave birth to the circumstances that led to life, so I think it's all connected in some way

              A plant grown under the sun is better off than a plant grown under a special lightbulb, so obviously those little things matter on an observable scale

              English is my first language, I took honors English and Spanish and a regular Latin class (Maxima cum Laude on a national Latin exam 😎) so my grammar and vocabulary is pretty well developed. I don't talk to many people though so I'm kinda rigid I guess when it comes to casual conversation (thinking things through has helped me with a lot so it kinda seeps into most areas of my life)

              I'm guessing that's why you asked?

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    • charli.m
      3 years ago

      Idk, there's some pretty ragey, murder-y humans out there.

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      • [Old Memory]
        3 years ago

        I'm not a murderer :c

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        • charli.m
          3 years ago

          I know. It wasn't directed at you. Sorry. Was just commenting on the fact that the god of the Christian Bible is a bit of a rageaholic.

          I didn't take your OP of "god-like" to be the same as "God-like", because there is a clear difference to any normal person who has a good grasp of English.

          You clearly come across as someone who is far more intelligent than most here, and not as an ESL person (not that that's a negative thing).

          It's normal to have an increasing sense of accomplishment and even feel somewhat indestructible when you're doing really well. It sounds like you've worked to achieve that. You should feel proud.

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          • [Old Memory]
            3 years ago

            In some ways I'm proud, in other ways I don't feel like it's enough

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            • charli.m
              3 years ago

              Aww :( that's pretty normal, too.

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      • RoseIsabella
        3 years ago

        Good point! Some delusional, narcissistic, sociopathic people probably think they're God-like, but of course they're not God-like anywhere, but in their heads.

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        • charli.m
          3 years ago

          Wasn't what I was saying.

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          • RoseIsabella
            3 years ago

            Okay, sorry for any misunderstanding.

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        • [Old Memory]
          3 years ago

          I agree with that assessment, but do you think that's what I'm about?

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          • RoseIsabella
            3 years ago

            Nope, you seem like a very nice nice, and intelligent person. I honestly don't have anything against, and my overall impression of you thus far is positive.

            Are you OP? Is English your second language?

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            • [Old Memory]
              3 years ago

              ☺ that's a good thing to read in the morning

              I'm OP, native English speaker

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  • CountessDouche
    3 years ago

    Oh dude...

    Sometimes I skip the post and read comments, just to have a laugh at the dumb shit people say. As a (shameful) result, I didn't read your thread until just now.

    I had no idea you'd struggled with homelessness! I've been on the verge myself, and it's just a horrible and, honestly, traumatizing experience. I'm so sorry you've been through that. It's so hard to read because you are just such a kind & intelligent person.

    To answer your actual question, overconfident, hubristic (is that a word?...eh, who cares)...feelings; they're complex. Those feelings can take root in a variety of human shit...i mean, they can come from place of mania, coping mechanisms to stress, from the confidence gained from experiencing the absolute worst in life & having overcome that. I mean, I can't tell you if you're having an irrational response to stress or if you know that you've fucking proverbially "got this" because you've been through much, much worse. Only you can answer that yourself.

    The question I would ask myself is...are these "godlike feelings" making things better or worse? Are they carrying me through a rough time or digging me deeper into the hole? Are they constructive or destructive,? That's the real question.

    Aside...to NOT answer your question, if you need poor people tips, I've been pretty fucking poor & I gotcha. You just say the word.

    I hope things turn out ok. If it means anything to you, I believe they will.

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    • [Old Memory]
      3 years ago

      It definitely helps me work on personal things and goals, but some things I'm still pretty clueless on. Like with interacting with people, I just can't seem to find someone who *doesn't* become invested in messing with me (like with what happened at my last job and most other jobs I've had) and a lot of times people seem to think I'm retarded (maybe half the time I can tell myself without guilt that I'm just at a level they can't even fathom, the other half I say they're just bad people)

      The more these things happen the more reserved I become with others, which also seems to still make things worse. I don't really know how to begin to explain my people problems, but the pattern I notice is that they're nice in the beginning and then they use subtlety to be rude and then social puppeteer their way into messing with me. I just can't figure out how to put a stop to that. It might sound conceited, but I think I project such developed intelligence and awareness that it becomes fun or a challenge to take me down. Or maybe it's because I don't project any real form of camaraderie that they don't want me around. No matter how things play out though I'm always in the wrong when it comes to other people

      For where I'm at now and where I was, this confidence is helping me keep things together. I'm not losing my apartment or my car, my bills are gonna be paid, I'm not slipping into depression. I'm just still stuck with people delighting in taking me down, which is infuriating because the psychologist in me is wary I'm projecting some things or have built defense mechanisms, the spiritualist in me is saying not to initiate bad karma, the realist in me is saying that these people are really shitty and disgusting but he's also asking who's wrong between me and the world

      What poor people tips do you have? I think I'll be able to get by with paying bills, eating decently, and gas to keep me going, but I'm not sure as of now how I'll furnish my apartment with this long list of needs. I also like really *really* want a cat, I think that would help me emotionally a lot, but it's going to cost 400 in total and I also have dental work that can't be put off much longer

      I kinda have to wait to see how things play out at my job, but two possibilities I see are working there 50 ish hours at 14/hour and 40 hours at 12/hour with a second job. I'm used to working 60 hours over 6 days, $12 for 40 hours would be enough only to get me by, not work on anything else

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      • CountessDouche
        3 years ago

        If whatever you feel, in terms of your self confidence & actualization, is serving you well, crutch or not, you need that right now & there's nothing wrong with that. You've been through a lot, and your dopamine response to dealing...it's a good thing if it's carrying you through difficult times.

        As for the rest...well, that's heartbreaking. I find it so hard to believe that people think you are actually "retarded." I find that disturbing. I mean, I don't know you socially, but through text you are incredibly well spoken & you seem like such an amazing person.

        I mean, I can tell you from experience that having a reserved nature can be taken as a slight by people. Especially these days, given gimpstagram, people are a movie star in their own movies & the center of the star space & anyone who doesn't give them immediate affirmation is awful. Then the passive aggressiveness starts.

        Idk if conflating that with trying to personally take you down is pathological or true, but it very well could be true.

        I don't know if you'd have luck with it, but I've gotten a great response from people by just being open & kind. I'm definitely weird as shit, but I do well with people just by being nice, honestly...like how you are on here? Kindness goes a long way, past weird & awkward, and you can still get away with not emotionally investing yourself, but still being sweet, and that's who you are.

        As far as poor people tips, I got billions...

        A lot of them are food related. There's tons of reddit threads on cheap recipes for the poor. Also buying in bulk when things go on sale, if you can afford the immediate expense. Also, there's tons of everyday groceries that are at least 50% cheaper if you have ethnic markets around...bulk spices, cheap pasta, cheap tiolet paper etc. You can buy cheap ass cleaning products at the mexi-market...like $1 toilet bowl cleaner...

        As for your dental work...that's a cunt, can't put it off...you can research dental schools in your area. Most of them have dentists that are just about to be certed that need actual experience, so you can get free or discounted dental work.

        You can also sell plasma if you absolutely have to.

        As for getting a cat...you NEED a cat. I got mine from rescue, totally free. The only expenses were her food & litter setup & what not. I got on a plan at petsmart for like $20 a month, covered her initial checkups, all of her healthcare & even dental cleanings, so it wasn't expensive.

        If you can't afford that, you can foster kittens at the shelter. They pay for everything & you have the option to adopt.

        Anyways hahaha. I just spent like 30 years on this comment because I sincerely like you & I don't think you're retarded. You're awesome. I hope everything works out.

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        • [Old Memory]
          3 years ago

          $300 pet deposit, $25 pet profile thing, $50 adoption fee

          I almost had the money before moving in, but there was another push back on my hours which meant I couldn't afford all that

          I've been donating plasma for a few weeks now, money's a little tight as I started a new job. I'm thinking about the UPS like WeirdGuy said, even if it's just for 20 hours, at $15/hour plus 20-30 hours somewhere else would pay pretty well

          I think like how I type, albeit in less time as feelings but it's as defined. In person talking I'm shy, reserved, I observe eye contact and body language and I hate making the first move until I've gotten a good grasp of who I'm dealing with

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          • CountessDouche
            3 years ago

            : ( I forgot about pet deposits! I haven't lived in an apartment in ages. I hope you can work out getting a cat. You belong with a cat.

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            • [Old Memory]
              3 years ago

              I think people think it's weird I want a cat. I had one when I was younger, my cousin had a cat but she hated me, like would run up and scratch me. My friend had a black cat named Pepper, and she was really playful and fun. I wanted a cat and my mom, living in a halfway house, got a cat for me. Her name became Minnie Bella Pepper. I've had her until my 20s. I miss rubbing my face on her and feeling her purr. We used to nap together and look at each other intently. She followed me everywhere too.

              I'm not sure how my new job is gonna work out. I bumped into somebody and people in the past have done it on purpose. I this was deliberate too. The district manager came by and was like "what is this" like yelling because someone made food without ringing it up. I told him what it was and he's like "this is unacceptable" or something and I said "I didn't authorize it, I'm just telling you what it is" while at the same time reading his face and I see an observer, someone who seemed to be seeing things unfold rather than reacting to anger. He started yelling again a little later and I forget what he said but I laughed. I really enjoyed the first half of Full Metal Jacket, who knows. I'm not sure if they're being for real or shit testing me, I'm not sure how I'm going but the GM said he likes me but I'm not sure if that's a trap. There's a guy I think I transparently find attractive, I was between the two and he said something about being sandwiched and I discernible retracted my body language. I'm sure they're both smart enough to notice these things. This and the pay make me seriously consider working for UPS, I could probably afford things better, plus they have benefits and tuition reimbursement.

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  • raisinbran
    3 years ago

    $12-14 makes you feel god-like?

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    • [Old Memory]
      3 years ago

      That's a narrow minded assessment of my post

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