Is it normal that we are in love but still think about other people?

80% Normal
6 Comments

My fiancee and i are very happy with our relationship, practically made for each other, together 2 1/2 years and have our shit together and a baby. I'd die for this man and i know he'd do the same for me. BUT, when he's drunk and i'm not aroumd I know he still thinks about his ex, just like how i sometimes zone off about my first love. Neither of us say anything about our past mistakes but it's a mutual trust that we are allowed to have memorys we want to relive. I think it's abit strange but it isn't interfering with our relationship, what do ya think?

Voting Results
80% Normal
Based on 45 votes (36 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • LaughinSkull
    10 years ago

    It really depends on the extent of it. Thinking about your ex's and wondering where they are from time to time is nothing bad in and of itself, however fantasizing about them constantly is another. And on another note, how do you know he thinks about his ex when he's drunk and you're not around?

    The only reason it is concerning is because you seem a little paranoid about it, you guys have a kid early in the relationship, and it sounds like a little chaos might be brought into the relationship because of either you or your fiancé's own psychological issues.

    I guess long story short, it is normal and nothing to worry about, but it feels like there might be more to this story. Just be cautious, and if things start to get worse just get some outside help because you guys have a kid to raise. Best of luck to you.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      honestly yes, there is more to it. I suppose i feel stange. i really have noone to talk to about whats eating at me. He used to message his Ex all the time in the beginning of our relationship and i had found out about it and he assured me it was just chit chat, saying if i was curious, i could read them., but of course i decline, toldhim i trust him and left it alone. a few days past and i was bored still awake after he passed out and i thought, "eh, he said i could!" so i read them. i hated every message. it sounded like he was in love with her! referanced their past and how much he cares about her still. we talked it out and he stopped emailinh her. than a few months later (i had gotten pregmant) i found out he was secretly texting her. it hurt but i never said anything. well, he stopped after his phone got disconnected until a year ago.. a few nights ago while we were drinking he told me he messaged her while i was asleep and he qas drinking. he assured me it was just a drunkin message about how much he hated her. i got annoyed and looked at his trash history. It was a full message about how much he still thinks about her and how he cant explain how he loves her so much that he hates it. i don't wanna tell him i read it because it would start problems it didnt need to. she mearly said, thank you I'm doing fime. THATS ALL. Shes a stripper who apparently had somewhere around 20 dudes under her belt so i domt even think there 6 month relationship ment anything to her. BUt he lost his virginity to her so i think it stuck with him. Shes a STRIPPER. how can i compete with that. her body is pretty boyish and i domt think shes pretty but sje had the confidence i dont. i ws

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        9 years ago

        i was a troubled depressed kid. never partied or hung out. i was a virgin. horrible self esteem but i love him so much I'm willing to do anything to be his every thing. he treats me so well, we have a perfect life im stupid for dwelling on it but i vant help it.. i guess this iis should be titled, I feel like ill never be anyones first choice..

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        • LaughinSkull
          9 years ago

          Yes, well that paints a very different picture.

          I don't know your back story, your childhood, your relationship with your parents (particularly your dad), trauma history (psychologically), and I am in no way qualified to give you any psychoanalytical advice (even if I were qualified, that would take years of work), BUT all of this does sound like it is time to get help.

          When people experience traumatic experiences in childhood, whether sexual abuse, physical or emotional abuse, or anything else they tend to for some reason recreate those chaotic situations. So this may be where therapy may be a good option. I also don't know your fiancé's situation other than what you've told me, but he sounds like he definitely has some demons he is refusing to deal with as well. I would highly recommend giving therapy a try and digging deeper into these issues for the sake of your child and your own happiness :).

          Also, I don't know if this will get to you (kinda replied late, college prevents me from doing much), but take what I said with a grain of salt--it is simply my advice from what I've experienced, read, and seen. I wish you the best of luck and do feel free to reach out if you need help!

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          • Anonymous Post Author
            9 years ago

            We talked it out over some beers recently and i found out he lied to me. They dated for 2 years on and off *sigh* I'm actually come to terms with it :) I appreciate the shoulder to cry on dude. Thank you

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            • LaughinSkull
              9 years ago

              I'm deeply saddened to hear that, I was rooting for you two.

              The ball is in his court though, he has made all the wrong moves, not you. Feel confident in yourself and all you have done to try to make things work.

              I'm just text on the internet from your perspective, but I sincerely wish you all the best and hope that you move past this and have a wonderful life, which I think you will :). I know that your child will have a loving mother that will take care of him/her!

              Wishing you the best,
              -TJ

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