Is it normal that this hurt me so badly?

69% Normal
20 Comments

My boyfriend told me that he loves his family more that he loves me. He told me that I will always be 2nd, that they are 1st to him. It's not that I want him to choose between us, it's not that I don't like that he cares about his family. I think it's great that he cares about them, and I'm always supportive of when he wants to go see them. It's not like I think I'm a princess or anything or that I should be his top priority always, but I thought that when you are truely serious about someone, then that person is supposed to be your number 1. I know he is to me. I atleast want to feel like I'm AS important. Ever since he told me this, I can't stop thinking about it. It's still hurting me and I wonder if I'm being ridiculus. I mean, it's not like he's going to cheat on me with his family. Or that I'm going to lose him because of his family. So what's going on here!?

Voting Results
69% Normal
Based on 64 votes (44 yes)
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Comments ( 20 )
  • Shackleford96
    11 years ago | pl

    You shouldn't be so upset about that I think. Family love is a different type of love than boyfriend/girlfriend love.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Thanks for your response, and you're right. Family love vs. romantic love is a bit like comparing apples and oranges. It still bugs me why he chose to make that comparison, though. I wish he would've just said that we are both important, just in different ways.

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      • Shackleford96
        11 years ago

        You are welcome.

        That is completely understandable to me. Maybe you should tell him that as well? Make sure he understands where you're coming from though, and that you can understand his perspective as well. Good luck.

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  • ecstasy4505
    11 years ago

    This is Completely normal. I went through the same thing. I am a guy getting engaged to a beautiful girl. But when she told me a few weeks ago about her mom not going to approve of our marriage because her family is first, I was devastated. But I understand, and when you look at it like what you would do, it eases your mind. I could not live with myself saving someone I want instead of saving someone I need. So don't feel bad. Take it easy and just think things through.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Ouch, I'm sorry to hear that. In my opinion, a family's opinion definitely shouldn't matter more than the person someone's with. Unless they have very good reason to think the way they do, I suppose. And thanks, I'll just think about it and try not to feel all butt hurt.

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  • roxiwotsit
    11 years ago

    It's normal for him to feel that way, but it's completely inconsiderate to tell you that so bluntly.

    It's like when I'm in a relationship, I don't expect my partner to genuinely believe that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, but thinking it and saying it are two very different things.

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  • kit-kat-bar
    11 years ago

    He had love for them his whole life, He had you for less, be glad that he loves them more, it means he is really loyal when it comes to love

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  • janetsauce
    11 years ago

    I don't get why he would just say that--very unnecessary. One your married, you basically are family. Course it would hurt! You just don't say that to someone..

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  • Captain_Kegstand
    11 years ago

    I feel you have the right to be hurt. When I decide to get married, it will be because I have found a woman that is my number 1. Family will always be important to me, but I would never have a girl that didn't support that so I feel like he should look at his priorities!

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  • stealmysocks
    11 years ago

    What about if you get married then you are family...

    Mind, Blown.

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  • kit291
    11 years ago

    family should always come first as they were there though it all and if something was tohappen to your relationship where are you going to go to your family. a bf/gf will come first above friends but family are blood you needed them for everything growing up. there going to be there for you no matter what. not everyone's family is like this. i know my mum wouldn't be there if i had a problem but i know some peoples family's are like this.

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  • SnappleDragon
    11 years ago

    Even though you know it's true in your heart, it's definitely hurtful to hear you're not as important as x, y, or z. It's something that is better left unsaid. How did it even come up? What folks are saying is true: that it should be that way. But it's still unnecessary to point it out. Like reminding someone that they'll poop someday after you come from the toilet...

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Your family raised you, helped you grow to be the person you are today, are still in your life, etc. Family comes first.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      You raise a good point, he's definitely more indebted to his family than he is to me. They are the ones who brought him into this world and everything, like you said. On the other hand, I think that someone you are choosing to build your life with is also very important, but in a different way. It just striked me as odd that he told me something like this when we're already living togethor.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        There is two types of love (probably more, but two in this situation), romantic love and family love.
        He's going to love you more in the future, do couple things that dislplays such love, but he's always going to be in a family dept of help and love for his family. Ones style of love is primary respect with secondary love.
        The romantic love is primary love, secondary respect.

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      • thedespo1
        11 years ago

        wateva he must hav said .... in the end its quiet clear tht he loves u.... n i guess tht shd b enough 2 mak u feel bettr..... don feel low girl... if hes so devoted 2 his family then he is also devoted 2 u ......:)

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  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    I think you have a right to feel hurt if this is your fiance or husband, your spouse. A spouse is supposed to come first, bottom line.

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  • theabider
    11 years ago

    You should be number 1 if he ever marries you. So saying that you will always be second is a pretty good clue that the relationship shouldn't be permanent.

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    • GuessWho
      11 years ago

      If they get married, then she will be family...

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  • Wambo37
    11 years ago

    you have to love family more ! i dont love anything more then my gf and hate my family but i still love my family more but the gf is more i love than the family but its not the same liuke coke

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