Is it normal that sometimes i don't want to be bi?

62% Normal
32 Comments

I'm a bisexual female. I'm not fully out of the closet (I'm out to my close friends and some family members).

I KNOW that I am bisexual. I cannot imagine being any other way. And a lot of the time I'm fine with it (even proud!).

But lately it's been getting me down. I'm involved in the LBGT community quite a lot (I went to my local pride a few months ago and loved it!) and therefore some of my closest friends are gay. And I cannot help but feel inferior.

I can't help but feel that because I'm bi, not gay, I'm not as good as my gay friends.
I ADORE being a part of the LBGT community. But I wish I was gay.

I feel like I have no identity. There is no bisexual community. I feel like a hanger on in a place I don't belong entirely.

I can't help thinking that bisexuality isn't as important as being gay. Ironic I know, that bi-phobia disgusts me but I'm kinda bi-phobic myself.

I can't change who I am. I know that I am and will always be bisexual. But I wish I wasn't.

Is this normal?

Voting Results
62% Normal
Based on 113 votes (70 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 32 )
  • dirtybirdy
    11 years ago

    Wait what?? This is ridiculous. Bi isn't as important as gay?? I never knew that any sexual preferences were 'important'.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    5
    5
  • IronHead
    11 years ago

    The root of the problem seems to be that you seem to have an overwhelming desire to be a part of a specific group.

    I think of myself as polysexual. I have straight friends, gay friends, transsexual friends, and a pansexual partner. I'm not a part of some specific group; I don't try to be; and I sleep well at night because of it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    You always like one sex more than the other, even if you do like both. "BI" is a fad.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • ETCR
      11 years ago

      So what if I have a preference? You don't have to be 50/50 to be bisexual.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      4
      4
        -
      • VioletTrees
        11 years ago

        Ignore tommythecat. He's an ass.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • ETCR
          11 years ago

          He seems it. Ah well, there are many like him in life.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        So what if you lie, it matters not.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    "I can't help but feel that because I'm bi, not gay, I'm not as good as my gay friends. "

    In my opinion, this is one of the side effects of the "it's genetics!" movement. not so much that they put you down for being different but that... the label matters more than your personal choice.

    and it brings up another point - just because someone engages in an alternative lifestyle doesn't mean they can't be judgmental.

    If they refuse to be tolerant of your choices, then they're not worth associating with.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • ETCR
      11 years ago

      Being bisexual isn't my choice. If it was I would change it :/

      My gay friends aren't judgemental at all. I'm just insecure I suppose.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        11 years ago

        yet you feel like an outsider you said, that you're not good enough for not being completely gay like them.

        Perhaps that's something to think on?

        of course the other factor is... whether you feel it's choice or genetics that force you into a group... you still have the ability to choose whom to have sex with.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        -1
        -1
          -
        • ETCR
          11 years ago

          I could change my sexual behaviour, but I'd still be bisexual. I'd still feel bisexual.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          1
          1
  • Enjoy
    11 years ago

    This is way more normal than you think and a ver easy explanation. Because you are bi... Attracted to both sexes hormonally you will desire either. Mentally you are happy and comfortable being gay. Sexually you tend to want a guy. Most everyone has this problem except they want to be straight because the minority of society dictates we should be straight. This is actually bulling people to think and do/believe in what they want. You might just need to find a partner that understands that once in a blue moon you need to fulfill your straight desire sexually. If they can understand this, than you will have a very healthy relationship.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • ETCR
      11 years ago

      No offence, but you are totally wrong. Please don't assume that because I AM bisexual (Not gay, not straight, not something on between. Bisexual) that I need both sexes to be happy and fulfilled.
      I know it's stereo-typically bi to be unhappy with my sexuality, but I'm not a walking caricature.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • quentari
    11 years ago

    As a straight person who has a huge amount of gay friends (and very few straight friends) i know what you mean.
    sometimes you feel excluded because you don't have this horrible childhood or inspirational coming out story, or they say "how would you know you are straight" (or in your case, can still pass as straight)
    It seems hugely irrational, but I guess it can't be helped?
    anyway i'd say its normal.
    (also read your post aloud to my gay friend and his response was "wtf she is stupid" which made me want to slap him. they DO NOT get it.)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • ETCR
      11 years ago

      ^THIS

      I've not had a bad coming out experience (My mum seems kinda in denial, but moving on...) and sometimes when I try to comfort someone who has, they'll turn around and say that it's not like I can understand.

      Just because I didn't have a bad reaction, doesn't help the fear I felt night after night, afraid someone would just read my mind and know I like girls too.

      Your friend sounds like a dick tbh. They really do not get it :L

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • quentari
        11 years ago

        it took him like 20 minutes to realize "oh it's similar to when gay people wish they were bi or straight so they are 'normal' and they can't be judged, except she is being 'judged' by the minority not the majority" :/

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • iluvcock
    11 years ago

    I just thought of something else, why do you have to put a label on what you are and just be yourself. You have already admitted to being Bi, I'd say you are 2/3 of the way there to being a lesbian. If you enjoy being with lesbians then just do it. When I used to meet a guy I was into I wouldn't say hello my name is Max I'm bi and I would like to know you better. Gay people are just people that have the same feelings that straight people have except switched and you don't have to put any label's on who or what you are or desire. If your feelings are changing and you are more lesbian than bi than just be a lesbian. You aren't lying to anyone, and you have a real desire to be with that wonderful woman and she more than likely doesn't care about anything except to get to know you better.
    That's where lesbians and gay guy's are different, gay guy's can go to a gay bar and meet someone and 10 minutes later be in the bathroom having sex and then go home together and have sex all night long. And if it's Friday night have sex all weekend long and maybe become fiends for life or go each others ways.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • ETCR
      11 years ago

      I find this really confusing...

      How is bi 2/3 the way to being lesbian?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • nykmad11
    11 years ago

    Honestly I'm bi too and I would give anything to be completely straight. I hate being bi.. But I've tried all I can to let go of this attraction towards females.. But the ladies love me.. Idk how U feel about wantin to be completely gay.. But think of who I see marrying ;) I know I could ne'er marry a girl. That's why I'm desperate to be straight.. But temptation sucks lol

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • andy2
    11 years ago

    It is easiest just to follow your heart, as "trust" and that sense of fun play-full security with another, no matter what the plumbing hook-up, is what makes for a more relaxing, lazy ripple of orgasms. It is also about that feeling after the "release" of Society pre-tension (literally). First the orgasm, DIY, repeat, then the World senses you are not repressed or frightened... Then just let them all cum to you. - Likes attract. - For me, I practice what I preach; both boy & girl suck/lick orgasm is yummy. - I am happy to know I made someone "relaxed" and happy. So easy, so easy, tongue-yoga.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • kelili
    11 years ago

    You'll change someday

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • ETCR
      11 years ago

      What's that supposed to mean?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • kelili
        11 years ago

        That many people have some homosexual experienc once in their lives but most are not bi or homosexuals and end up just being hetero. I'm talking out of experience.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • ETCR
          11 years ago

          I've had more than one homosexual experience darling.

          Can you back this up? Give any evidence? Because I know A LOT of gay people, all who've been gay all their lives.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • kelili
            11 years ago

            You're talking like a gay!

            I have had many experiences with girls and I liked it. But looking back I know that they were only experiences and that I am not a bi. I have frieds who had similar experiences and now we agree to say that it was fun but we're over this now. MAny teenagers experience homosexuality at some times but this doesn't mean that they're bisexuals or that they'll reamin so. But I see that you take some pride in thinking that you are bi (and cool). So for your well-being I would advise that you continue to think so

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • ETCR
              11 years ago

              Thinking that I'm bi?

              You experimented? Cool. You're straight? Cool. But you and one other person are definitely not a large enough sample to say ANYTHING about actual bisexuals.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    Because they fail at being straight?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    yes and no both its hard for me to understand how do people become gay or even bi in the first place i don't get how or why are they

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • ETCR
      11 years ago

      No one really does... I think the theory that makes the most sense would be exposure to certain hormones in the womb... I mean, it sure as hell ain't a choice, but a gay gene would be an evolutionary dead end...

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        yeah

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
    • Devyn
      11 years ago

      Well when you grew up when you were around 10 to 12 you just started getting attractions to the other sex. The exact same thing happens with gay people but to the same sex instead.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0