Is it normal that someone can change?

i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, we are both 22 years old, i met him and his family shortly after we met, his family are wonderful his mom is a lawyer and dad is a real estate, my boyfriend never tried drugs and he is a non-smoker, a year passed by everything was fine, he met few colleagues of his and started to go out on a regular basis with them, and i was a bit worried cause i had never met them, i mean i did but i do not know them that well, so a few months pass, and we had this argument about him going out with those friends that i did not feel so good about, the argument became worse and i kicked him out of the house along with his stuff and locked the doors. he called and called i never answered him... few days passed and one of his colleagues texts me saying " he is with me, we are out of country now, he is in bad shape come take him" i was shocked and i ignored i said well its his problem... few days later that same colleague's GIRL FRIEND that i never saw or heard of texts me a picture of my boyfriend along with this other girl kissing. i was shocked speechless and didn't react. few days passed, he came knocking at my door steps saying sorry bla bla so i told him whats the deal why all this? he had admitted to me that he has started using drugs with those colleagues of his and that it had damaged him and that he was lost now knowing that he never used drugs i asked him why would you start now i mean what the hell he told me he was influenced by them and he fucked up, i told him did you sleep with that girl, he said yes. i was shocked he never cheated on me. plus he KNEW the girl, she was a friend of his.... anyways he told me when you kicked me out i was lost and wanted to forget so went out there took drugs and got drunk and slept with this whore. this is so not him i was surprised. i told him listen we cant be together anymore i am sorry if you have a problem with drugs go to rehab i wont be your rehab so get out fix your self and we can talk when you are sober. he also confessed he was using drugs for the pass 6 months intensively including cocaine and marijuana.

i did not know he was gonna take my words seriously as i thought our relationship was over and he was a drug addict i didnt want anything to do with him and plus he slept with another girl.

few months has passed i didn't hear for him, nor his family, i said to myself well typical i guess. i was hurt and in pain and was suffering to move on.

then, my door knocks, he comes along with his mom explaining to me that he had been to rehab and sober and free of drugs, his mother said he fucked up and did this mistake but he fixed it and he told me i fucked up went out of where i was took drugs but now im sober and i worked hard to do that so i can be with you.

i love him deeply, so i gave him another chance only cause i knew he wasn't this person and i knew for a fact he really went into rehab.

now my question is, do you guys think i did the right decision i mean im writing this a year after this had all happened but i was just cleaning my mac and came across this picture of him kissing the girl and remembered and started crying asking myself but why would he do something like this to me? was it really because of drugs? or is he a cheater who will always cheat on me?

i mean he admitted to everything he has done from taking drugs to that night he slept with this girl to every little detail...

please guys i do not have any one to talk to i just have you here to tell me what i did was right or no?

i mean now after a year has passed he is really focused on his job, we never argue and i do not have any suspicions about him, we are always together, we travel together, we work at the same company and we have the same group of friends. he stopped returning calls or calling those other colleagues of his (he quit his previous job).

but i am just scared...

He changed, will not do it again 7
He changed, but once a cheater will always be a cheater 4
It is ok to give a him a second chance (last chance) 21
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 21 )
  • thegypsysailor

    You kicked him out of the house and ended the relationship, for whatever reason, so how can you possibly think his sleeping with this other girl was him "doing this to me"?
    You weren't a couple so you had no say in the matter.
    The fact that you took him back and the relationship is (apparently) OK, seems a bit different, in actuality, from your post.
    Either you are going to have to accept the FACT that he didn't really cheat on you, or you are going to have to get over that it happened at all, or send him packing again, because your doubts and feelings are going to eat away at the new relationship.
    I don't see him as the problem. I think you are not accepting YOUR responsibility for your part in the whole mess.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • tuna

      I kicked him out not cause I didn't love him anymore and wanted to end it I kicked him out cause I found out he was using drugs!! That's was kinda just to make him think it's either drugs or me!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • dom180

    For you to cheat on someone you have to be in a relationship with them. You two weren't in a relationship when he slept with someone else. You kicked him out. Why would he keep being loyal to you?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • tuna

      He knew that the reason of me kicking him out was because I had knew he has been using drugs and not cause I didn't love him anymore I thought he might go and change directly rather than getting mad about me kicking him out, using drugs even more fucking that whore then 6 months later comes back telling me I went to rehab and I changed! That's it my question is if he really wanted to change and he went to rehab and all why did he have to go sleep with this girl then deciding on rehab ? I dunno

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • dom180

        Yes, but kicking someone out is generally taken as meaning that you're not in a relationship anymore.

        When drugs are involved, changing isn't as simple as you seem to think it is. Things spiral out of control and people make decisions they wouldn't usually make and don't seem to make sense. Maybe he's changed now, but he couldn't just change straight away.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
          -
        • tuna

          Yea true you are right ..

          Comment Hidden ( show )
  • crion

    Hooking up with your ex after a bad break-up is like putting your dirty underwear back on after you get out of the shower.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • noid

    If things are going well now after a year don't mess up a good thing.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • tuna

      Yea true but I have this constant fear of him cheating on me, even if everything is fine now and when he slept with that girl he was under intensive use of drugs I don't know why I always think and assume he's cheating on me..

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • AbnormallyAwesome

    I feel sorry for this guy. Try for a second to see his perspective:
    So you kicked him out the house just because he wanted to hang out with his friends. Thereby pushing him to the edge and into drugs. He tries to find some love in the arms of a "whore" after YOU borke up with him! Now you blame him for having a crisis and don't offer any help. He still gets his shit together on his own and keeps fighting for you.
    Was it the right thing to take him back? I don't know, it seems like you're not too good for him. In a relationship you help and love each other thorugh good and rough times!
    I don't know you and I don't want to hurt you, but you have to start seeing your own flaws in order to truly love someone.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Shoefish

      Didn't she say he had been using drugs for six months before she kicked him out? That's how I read it but I'm not sure.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • tuna

        Exactly that's why I kicked him out cause I knew he had been using drugs I kicked him out thinking well ok maybe he would actually stop drugs and come back home not go out there use it even more and fuck another whore then decides to go to rehab and come back!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
          -
        • Shoefish

          I definitely get how upsetting this would be and how hard it would be to get over. But I agree with everyone else when they say you have to let it go or end the relationship. It does sound like he loves you and has made a big effort to better himself. People can change. Make sure that photo is deleted (I'm not really sure why you would save it) and move on. Good luck.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
    • tuna

      No I kicked him out cause I knew he was using drugs and I thought maybe he would actually stop and understand how mad I was for him that he was using drugs but instead he went afterwards used drugs even more intensively sleeping with this girl and then deciding he needed to stop drugs and go to rehab and come back? I mean why would he get mad when I kicked him out, using drugs and sleeping with this girl then later realizing oh ya well let me go to rehab and come apologize !!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • thegypsysailor

        I believe your anger is going to destroy this relationship. Read all your posts again and I think you will agree they are all very angry.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
          -
        • tuna

          I was angry the point is now a year later he did change and he stopped drugs and all, I was angry writing this post cause as I mentioned I was came across that photo of him kissing the girl and felt I needed to express my anger. I mean it hurt me I think about her everyday even tho I know that happened a year ago and things are perfectly fine with us now I still have that constant fear of him cheating on me..

          Comment Hidden ( show )
            -
          • ThisIsImpossible

            Get over it or tell him you're not over it. You kicked him out he wasnt with you anymore he could fuck whoever he wanted. Thats what it means when you throw out someone's shit and lock them out of their house. He never cheated on you, and if he was doing coke he probably fucked more like 50 whores not just 1 lol

            Comment Hidden ( show )
          • thegypsysailor

            He never cheated on you in the first place, don't you get that? You threw him out, at which point you two were no longer together. You set him free so anything he did was perfectly acceptable by any standards. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Once you threw him out, he owed YOU nothing. You made him a single man. I do not understand why you do not understand this. If you two are not together, he can't cheat on you.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
      • AbnormallyAwesome

        Oh sorry, I missed the drug part apparently. That puts the whole story in a different light, I apologize.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
  • False

    "Someone cannot change who they are unless they destroy who they were."

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Valqueer

    While I am still a young fellow and haven't yet had as much experience relationship-wise as is expected of a man my age, I most definitely can speak of addiction, for someone in my circle has been through the hells of the drug underworld. You cannot change your guy, he won't change unless he wants to himself. Ultimatums hardly ever work and the efficiency of one hinges entirely on the receiving end. I did that with my last guy and, I tell you, my little friend, it did not work out so well. He also slept with a girl, which personally I find an appalling idea. Regardless, his sleeping with someone else once, while broken-up, should be irrelevant to your decision in being with him. The drug use is a tragically more serious matter. Good riddance, youngling. May you take the road that leads you to complete happiness.

    Comment Hidden ( show )